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    Biting The Hand That Feeds You

    | The Netherlands |

    (Even though I stutter a bit, I never had any trouble helping customers. This customer thought otherwise.)

    Me: “C-can I help you sir?”

    Customer: *odd look* “Yes, I’d like a pack of cigarettes.”

    Me: “Okay, that’s th-three ni-ninety please.”

    Customer: “HELP! THIS GIRL CAN’T HELP ME!”

    (At this point my colleague enters the shop, standing at the second cash register which is closed.)

    Customer: “You! You can help me!”

    Colleague: “I’m sorry, this cash register is closed. My colleague will help you.”

    Customer: “But she can’t help me!”

    (A line was begins to form behind the customer.)

    Customer, to me: “So… he says you can help me.”

    Me: “No, I can’t help you.”

    Customer: “WHY?!”

    Me: “I don’t help a**holes.”

    Customer: *swears and leaves the store*

    Never Smart: Biting The Hand That Makes Your Coffee

    Born To Offend

    | Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Top

    Me: “Hello, ma’am. How may I help you?”

    Woman: “Oh, when is your baby due?”

    Me: “I’m not pregnant, ma’am, just fat.”

    Woman: “That’s very rude, you know. Pretending to be pregnant just so people can be nice to you!”

    Me: *gritting teeth* “I am not pretending anything, ma’am, I promise you. Now, how may I help you?”

    Woman: “No! You are a liar, and I am going somewhere where non-lying people can help me!”

    Me: “Thank you ma’am, and have a nice day.”

    Woman: “LIAR!”

    Guess Whose Picture Is Next To “Pyrrhic”

    | Little Neck, NY, USA | Top

    (We sell milk for 2.99 a gallon. Some kid pulled the “.” and the “9″ off so it says 29 dollars. Not surprisingly, a lady comes in to buy a gallon and hands me thirty dollars.)

    Me: “Ma’am, you just gave me a twenty and 10 singles to buy milk. It’s only $2.99.”

    Lady: “Well that’s not what the sign says! it says 29 dollars!”

    Me: “But ma’am, you’re paying more money than it actually costs.”

    Lady: “I don’t care how much it costs! Just do your job and give me my f**king milk for 29 dollars!”

    Me: “Okay, If that’s what you want…” *gives her a dollar back*

    Lady: “Thank you! If you had just done your job I would’ve been out of here by now!”

    Me: “Have a great day!”

    Fully Armed And Operational Feminine Wiles

    | Boston, MA, USA |

    (A very attractive woman gets out of a Mercedes. She is wearing a mini skirt and halter top. Her outfit leaves nothing to the imagination.)

    Attractive Customer: “I need 20 on 3.”

    Me: “Okay.” *I ring her up and she pays*

    Attractive Customer: “So is someone else working or do you pump the gas?”

    Me: “This is a self-service station; we don’t pump the gas for you.”

    Attractive Customer: “Well, there is no way I am pumping the gas myself.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t pump the gas for you.”

    Attractive Customer: “This is no way to get a tip! I am the customer and I want you to pump the gas for me.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but if I leave the counter I could be fired. As I said this is a self service station; it means you have to do it yourself.”

    Attractive Customer: “FINE!”

    (She then walks out to her car and yells…)

    Attractive Customer: “Is someone going to pump me or do I have to do it myself?!”

    *every guy at the station goes running over to help her*

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic.

    Big Yellow Warning Bags Are Your Friend

    | Ames, IA, USA | Top

    (A girl pulls up to a gas pump. I’m watching her through the window from behind the cash register as she removes the OUT OF ORDER BAG placed over the pump (clearly marked, bright yellow bag) and throws it in the trash next to her. She plays around with it for a while and then walks toward the door.)

    Girl: “Your pumps aren’t working.”

    Me: “Go back outside, pull the bag that you just threw away out of the trash and read it. That should solve the problem.”

    One-Woman Wrecking Crew

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