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    No Debit, But Plenty of Loonies

    | Alberta, Canada |

    (At the gas station where I work, a young woman staggers in drunk and tries to buy a bag of chips on debit.)

    Me: “Okay, that will be $1.35 on debit.”

    (The customer picks up the pin pad and proceeds to swipe a quarter through the slot.)

    Me: “Um… ma’am?”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: “That’s a quarter.”

    Customer: “Yes, I know. For some reason it won’t work. Is this thing turned on?”

    Me: “But… that’s… that’s not a debit card. Do you have a debit card?”

    Customer: “I’m TRYING! But it won’t work!”

    Me: “It’s plastic? Kinda rectangle shaped? Has your bank name on it?”

    Customer: “Why won’t it work?”

    Me: “You know what? I don’t think that one is working. Do you have another one? Sometimes these machines won’t like a card for no real reason. It happens.”

    Customer: “Oh ya? I get that at my work too…”

    (She proceeds to put away the quarter and pulls out a loonie instead.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I think I see the problem now. All of our card systems are down. They must have crashed with all the people buying things today. Do you have cash instead?”

    Customer: “Sure, no problem.” *pulls out 20 dollar bill* “Keep the change. It’s only a few dollars anyway. I don’t want it….”

    Me: “Sure, thanks!”

    (She wanders off to pass out in the bathroom for 3 hours but I just couldn’t bring myself to call the cops on her.)

    Of Mountains And Molehills

    | Illinois, USA |

    (It’s winter time and the car wash is shut down because it tends to freeze below a certain temperature.)

    Customer: “Why is the car wash closed?”

    Me: “It’s below 20 degrees. It has to be closed or it’ll freeze.”

    Customer: “But I just bought a car wash and now I can’t wash my car!”

    Me: “Those car washes don’t expire. You can use it when the weather warms up a little bit.”

    Customer: “The g**d*** car wash is always closed! EVERY TIME I COME IN HERE, THE CAR WASH IS CLOSED! IT’S ALWAYS–”

    Me: “HEY!”

    Customer: *backs up, surprised*

    Me: “It’s just a car wash.”

    Customer: *walks out in a huff*

    Way, Way Too Much Information

    | California, USA |

    Customer: “Oh, I almost forgot… I need a lighter.”

    Me: “Alright. Well, here are the various ones we have.” *points at lighters*

    Customer: “Can you pick one out for me?”

    Me: “Sure thing, sir. Any particular design or color you like?”

    Customer: “Clear, just like my underwear.”

    Related:
    Way Too Much Information
    TMI (Too Much Information)

    When They’re Right, They’re Right

    | Richmond, VA, USa |

    (We’re helping a customer inside our gas station. Suddenly, a Camaro peels off out of the parking lot, squealing its tires.)

    Customer: *yells* “Okay! We get it! You have a small penis!”

    Adventures In The Third Dimension

    | Melbourne, Australia |

    (It’s late at night and a solitary customer pulls up outside and fills her car at the pump. She calmly opens the station’s door and comes inside to pay at the booth, but realizes she left her wallet in the car.)

    Customer: “OH MY GOD! LET ME OUT! LET ME OUT! MY WALLET IS IN THE CAR, UNLOCK THIS DOOR!”

    Me: “It is unlocked.”

    Customer: “But it says you’re closed!”

    Me: “What does the other side of the sign say?”

    Customer: *looks at me like I’m stupid* “Open, but it says you’re closed!”

    Me: “Why does it say ‘Open’ on the other side of the sign?”

    Customer: “Look, you…” pauses, then blushes bright red* “… oh.”

    Me: “You need some chocolate.”

    Customer: *smiles* “Yes, I do.”

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