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  • Had It Up To Their Neck With Bad Customers
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    Adventures In The Third Dimension

    | Melbourne, Australia |

    (It’s late at night and a solitary customer pulls up outside and fills her car at the pump. She calmly opens the station’s door and comes inside to pay at the booth, but realizes she left her wallet in the car.)

    Customer: “OH MY GOD! LET ME OUT! LET ME OUT! MY WALLET IS IN THE CAR, UNLOCK THIS DOOR!”

    Me: “It is unlocked.”

    Customer: “But it says you’re closed!”

    Me: “What does the other side of the sign say?”

    Customer: *looks at me like I’m stupid* “Open, but it says you’re closed!”

    Me: “Why does it say ‘Open’ on the other side of the sign?”

    Customer: “Look, you…” pauses, then blushes bright red* “… oh.”

    Me: “You need some chocolate.”

    Customer: *smiles* “Yes, I do.”

    Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

    | Eatonville, WA, USA |

    Drunk customer: “Nice hair, man! ”

    Me: “Uh, thanks…”

    Drunk customer: “Grow that s**t out, man! Hair farming is not out of style!”

    (Two nights later he returns, much less drunk this time.)

    Same customer: “GET A F****ING HAIR CUT!”

    (You gotta love working late at a gas station in Methville, USA.)

    Marital Bliss, In All Its Forms

    | Peoria, IL, USA |

    (A male customer comes up to the counter with a box of tampons.)

    Me: “You should meet my husband. We’ve been married seven years and he’s never bought these.”

    Customer: “You should meet my girlfriend.”

    Me: “Persuasive?”

    Customer: “Scary.”

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic.

    Money, Money Everywhere But Not A Brain To Think

    | Fort Collins, CO, USA | Top

    Gas station customer: “I want your name!”

    Me: “What seems to be the problem, sir?”

    Customer: “There is a huge scratch on the trunk of my Lexus from your f***ing pump hose. I am going to sue this store for damages. I want your f***ing name!”

    Me: “My name is Larry, sir, just like it says on the name tag. What happened?”

    Customer: “I pulled up on the other side of the pump, so I had to drag the hose over the trunk to fill up, and the handle scratched my car. I want your full and address. I am suing you for damages.”

    Me: “Let me get this straight… you pulled up to the wrong side of the pump, and you were too dumb to pull around to the right side, so you dragged a metal headed gas hose over the trunk of your car, scratching the paint yourself, and you think I am the one responsible?”

    Customer: “Yes, g**d***it! Give me your last name and address!”

    Me: “No chance in h***. That‚Äôll be $17.23 for the gas.”

    Customer: “F*** you!”

    (He drives off without paying. We caught the whole thing on interior and exterior video, including the license plate of his poor scratched Lexus. The State Troopers caught him before he made it to the next freeway exit. I quit that job the next day.)

    Spoken Like A True New Jerseyan

    | Kentucky, USA |

    (A tall man in his 30′s walks in after I had told him over the intercom 3 times that we are a prepay station AND he read the sign on the pumps stating that as well.)

    Me: “Afternoon! Can I help you?”

    Man: “Yeah, I noticed that you don’t have the card sliders on the pumps. Do you know when you’re going to get those?”

    Me: “Sir, I’m fairly confident we’re not getting those anytime soon.”

    Man: “Oh. Well, in that case, I’m going to get in my car and drive away without buying your gasoline. In fact, I’m never coming back here again!”

    (Note that I have never seen this man before and I recognize all my regular customers.)

    Me: “Okay, sir.”

    Man: “How exactly does that make you feel?!”

    Me: “Well sir, to be honest with you, you’re not the first person that has tried to dampen my day. The fact of the matter is, you can’t dampen my day any worse than it already is when I have to show up here. You’re just one more customer I don’t ever have to hear yell at me again.”

    Man: “F*** you and your gas pumps! Thank God people aren’t this rude in New Jersey!”


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