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    Good Thing He Missed The Hot Wax

    | Aurora, CO, USA |

    (A teenager who bought a drive-through car wash comes inside soaking wet.)

    Teenager: “Uh, your car wash is broken.”

    Me: “It’s broken?”

    Teenager: “Yeah, it like, sprayed my entire car when I opened the door.”

    Me: “…you opened the door inside the car wash?”

    Teenager: “Yeah. Don’t you have to get out?”

    Me: “Er, not in an automatic car wash…”

    How To Tell You’ve Lowered Your Standards

    | Deming, NM, USA |

    (I was finishing checking out an elderly man’s purchases when this exchange happened.)

    Me: “Have a nice day!”

    Customer: “When you’re 85 years old and you wake up with a pulse, and your next door neighbor isn’t hitting you over the head with a shovel, you’re having a good day.”

    Me: “…”

    University Of Homer Simpson

    | Miami, FL, USA |

    (I’m 19 and a customer in his mid-twenties comes up to me with a 6-pack of beer and some beef jerky.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, since I’m underage I can’t sell you this beer. Would you mind waiting for my coworker?”

    Customer: “Oh, sure no problem. Can I ask you a question?”

    Me: “Sure.”

    Customer: “You’re of Indian descent, right?”

    Me: “That’s right, sir.”

    Customer: “But you were born here in America, right?”

    Me: “Uh, no actually. I was born in India, but I moved here pretty young.”

    Customer: “Don’t lie to me, you don’t have an accent! I’ve seen all the movies! Any Indian character who works at a gas station always has an accent!”

    Be All The Genders You Can Be

    | Seattle, WA, USA |

    (An older man who looks to be in his 80s approaches the counter.)

    Me: “Good morning, sir.”

    Customer: “I’m not a ‘sir’.”

    Me: “…”

    Customer: “…”

    Me: “…ma’am?”

    Customer: “Are you getting sarcastic with me?”

    Me: “No…you’re confusing me.”

    Customer: “Have you been in the military?”

    Me: “…no. But several of my family members have.”

    Customer: “Well, you should. You’d be perfect.” *salutes and leaves*

    Coworker: *walking in* “Who was that guy?”

    Me: “Sergeant Transvestite?”

    Sustenance In The Wilderness

    | Tucson, AZ, USA |

    (Our store is near the university campus, right next to the dorms. I received an odd call one day.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling ****, how can I help you?”

    Caller: “Yes, my daughter lives in the dorms right next to you, and I was wondering what your store is.”

    Me: “It’s a gas station, and inside there’s a convenience store with soda, snacks, stuff like that.”

    Caller: “Is it a grocery store?”

    Me: “No…it’s a gas station and convenience store. We have chips, candy, etc. We have a fountain with soda, and also coffee.”

    Caller: “So it’s a grocery store?”

    Me: “No…we don’t have grocery products. We have a SMALL supply of cheap toilet paper, milk, and tampons. I doubt your daughter would come here for anything except the ATM and coffee, or gas if she drives.”

    Caller: “Well, I want to make sure my daughter will be okay. What kind of store is it?”

    Me: *starting to get annoyed* “It’s a gas station. There are pumps in the front to get gas at. We also have snacks. It’s a convenience store and a gas station.”

    Caller: “I don’t understand. She’s away at college and I don’t know
    if she’ll be okay.”

    Me: “Ma’am, she’ll be fine. Have a nice day, good bye.” *hanging up*

    (A few minutes later, a skinny blond girl enters the store.)

    Girl: *talking on her cell phone* “Yeah, Mom, they have coffee, soda, gum, chips, and an ATM…it’s a convenience store, Mom. Yes, they sell gas – there are pumps outside!”

    Me: *headdesk*

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