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  • Always Time For A Rhyme
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  • One More Puke On The Path To Recovery

    | Syracuse, NY, USA |

    (I’m a female working in a gas station and it’s close to midnight. The customer is obviously drunk, which means I can’t sell him alcohol.)

    Customer: “You’re the kind of pretty thing I’m not allowed to touch.

    (He proceeds to our beer cooler and takes one bottle out of a six-pack.)

    Me: “Sir, I can’t sell you that for two reasons. One, you are obviously drunk and store policy says you cant but alcohol. Two, if you were sober it would have to be the whole six-pack or nothing.”

    Customer: *stares at me for 30 seconds and then pukes on his coat*

    Customer: “Am I sober enough now?”

    Have Age, Will Complain

    | Alberta, Canada |

    (Our local gas station has recently been taken over by new owners. An elderly woman comes in to buy a cup of coffee and takes it to the front to pay.)

    Me: “That’ll be a dollar fifty.”

    Customer: “What? That’s outrageous! The old owners would never have charged that much!”

    Me: “Ma’am, it’s the same price as it was before.”

    Customer: “Well… I’m seventy! I have the right to b****!” *storms out*

    No Scam Like The Present

    | Richmond, VA, USA |

    Me: “Good morning, ma’am. How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “I would like $10 on pump five.”

    Me: “Alright, ma’am. Have a nice day!”

    (The customer then gets out and starts walking to her car which is indeed on pump five… and then just drives off without pumping gas. I hold her $10 in case she comes back, and sure enough, she returns about an hour later.)

    Customer: *furious* “I can’t pump my gas, you little s***! You stole my money!”

    Me: “Ma’am, you left the money on your pump about an hour ago.”

    Customer: “I know! You were supposed to hold it for me. What kind of service is this that you won’t do that?”

    Me: “Ma’am, I have your money right here and can put it on the pump if you want.”

    Customer: “You d***ed better put that money on my pump…all $50 of it!”

    Me: “Ma’am, you only gave me $10 for the pump.”

    Customer: “I so did not! I gave you $50. I have my receipt right here!”

    (The customer hands me a receipt that indeed says $50 dollars–but it’s dated from five months ago.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I have your receipt from today and it says $10. The receipt you handed me has a date from five months ago.”

    Customer: “You mean those receipts have dates on them?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “Oh…” *runs out, leaving her $10 and never returning again*

    Related:
    Scamming In Plain Sight
    Plastic, Scamtastic
    Smile – You’re On Scam-Cam

    Fighting Fake With Fake

    | Boulder, CO, USA |

    (A customer walks into the gas station and picks up a plastic 21 oz. bottle of water.)

    Me: “Will that be all for you today?”

    (The customer then holds it like he wants to hit me with it.)

    Customer: “Give me all your money! This is a stickup!”

    Me: “You’re trying to hold me up with a bottle of water?!”

    Customer: “GIVE IT!”

    (I pretend to press the silent alarm.)

    Customer: “S***! The cops!” *runs off, dropping the bottle of water on his way out*

    Gettin’ Schooled, Kindergarten Style

    | Minneapolis, MN, USA |

    (Our station accepts certain gas coupons which require that the gas be pumped first, and then paid for inside the store. I’ve already instructed this customer to select “pay inside” at the pump before returning to me for the discount.)

    Customer: “Alright, I’ve put $42 in my car.” *gives me the coupons*

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I needed you to select the pay inside option at the pump, and it seems that you have used your credit card outside. My computer system will not authorize this discount.”

    Customer: “What!? You told me to pump my gas first!”

    Me: “Yes, but you needed to select the pay inside option like I instructed.”

    Customer: “So you won’t give me my discount?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but there is no way for me to ring it up. These coupons never expire, so you can hang on to it and feel free to use it next time.”

    Customer: “This is outrageous! You are a poopy face mister! You’re grounded!” *storms out*

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