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    Taxation With Agitation

    | Clarksville, TN |

    Me: “Is that it for you tonight, ma’am?”

    Girl: “Nah, can I get a pack of cigarettes?”

    Me: “Sure. Can I see your ID?”

    Girl: “Ya know in high school, when we learned about the Boston Tea Party?”

    Me: “Yeah…?”

    Girl: “Well, they raised taxes on the tea, and they threw it in the harbor.”

    Me: “Yeah, I remember.”

    Girl: “Well, they just upped the taxes on the smokey treats…what’re WE gonna do about it?”

    Me: “I dunno…what do you think?”

    Girl: “Well, I don’t know…you’re the gas station lady – figured you’d have the answers.”

    Me: “Sorry, I don’t smoke.”

    Girl: “I PROTEST YOU THEN! I’M NOT GETTING ANYTHING HERE EVER AGAIN!” *stomps off*

    Good Thing He Missed The Hot Wax

    | Aurora, CO, USA |

    (A teenager who bought a drive-through car wash comes inside soaking wet.)

    Teenager: “Uh, your car wash is broken.”

    Me: “It’s broken?”

    Teenager: “Yeah, it like, sprayed my entire car when I opened the door.”

    Me: “…you opened the door inside the car wash?”

    Teenager: “Yeah. Don’t you have to get out?”

    Me: “Er, not in an automatic car wash…”

    How To Tell You’ve Lowered Your Standards

    | Deming, NM, USA |

    (I was finishing checking out an elderly man’s purchases when this exchange happened.)

    Me: “Have a nice day!”

    Customer: “When you’re 85 years old and you wake up with a pulse, and your next door neighbor isn’t hitting you over the head with a shovel, you’re having a good day.”

    Me: “…”

    University Of Homer Simpson

    | Miami, FL, USA |

    (I’m 19 and a customer in his mid-twenties comes up to me with a 6-pack of beer and some beef jerky.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, since I’m underage I can’t sell you this beer. Would you mind waiting for my coworker?”

    Customer: “Oh, sure no problem. Can I ask you a question?”

    Me: “Sure.”

    Customer: “You’re of Indian descent, right?”

    Me: “That’s right, sir.”

    Customer: “But you were born here in America, right?”

    Me: “Uh, no actually. I was born in India, but I moved here pretty young.”

    Customer: “Don’t lie to me, you don’t have an accent! I’ve seen all the movies! Any Indian character who works at a gas station always has an accent!”

    Be All The Genders You Can Be

    | Seattle, WA, USA |

    (An older man who looks to be in his 80s approaches the counter.)

    Me: “Good morning, sir.”

    Customer: “I’m not a ‘sir’.”

    Me: “…”

    Customer: “…”

    Me: “…ma’am?”

    Customer: “Are you getting sarcastic with me?”

    Me: “No…you’re confusing me.”

    Customer: “Have you been in the military?”

    Me: “…no. But several of my family members have.”

    Customer: “Well, you should. You’d be perfect.” *salutes and leaves*

    Coworker: *walking in* “Who was that guy?”

    Me: “Sergeant Transvestite?”


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