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    No Scam Like The Present

    | Richmond, VA, USA |

    Me: “Good morning, ma’am. How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “I would like $10 on pump five.”

    Me: “Alright, ma’am. Have a nice day!”

    (The customer then gets out and starts walking to her car which is indeed on pump five… and then just drives off without pumping gas. I hold her $10 in case she comes back, and sure enough, she returns about an hour later.)

    Customer: *furious* “I can’t pump my gas, you little s***! You stole my money!”

    Me: “Ma’am, you left the money on your pump about an hour ago.”

    Customer: “I know! You were supposed to hold it for me. What kind of service is this that you won’t do that?”

    Me: “Ma’am, I have your money right here and can put it on the pump if you want.”

    Customer: “You d***ed better put that money on my pump…all $50 of it!”

    Me: “Ma’am, you only gave me $10 for the pump.”

    Customer: “I so did not! I gave you $50. I have my receipt right here!”

    (The customer hands me a receipt that indeed says $50 dollars–but it’s dated from five months ago.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I have your receipt from today and it says $10. The receipt you handed me has a date from five months ago.”

    Customer: “You mean those receipts have dates on them?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “Oh…” *runs out, leaving her $10 and never returning again*

    Related:
    Scamming In Plain Sight
    Plastic, Scamtastic
    Smile – You’re On Scam-Cam

    Fighting Fake With Fake

    | Boulder, CO, USA |

    (A customer walks into the gas station and picks up a plastic 21 oz. bottle of water.)

    Me: “Will that be all for you today?”

    (The customer then holds it like he wants to hit me with it.)

    Customer: “Give me all your money! This is a stickup!”

    Me: “You’re trying to hold me up with a bottle of water?!”

    Customer: “GIVE IT!”

    (I pretend to press the silent alarm.)

    Customer: “S***! The cops!” *runs off, dropping the bottle of water on his way out*

    Gettin’ Schooled, Kindergarten Style

    | Minneapolis, MN, USA |

    (Our station accepts certain gas coupons which require that the gas be pumped first, and then paid for inside the store. I’ve already instructed this customer to select “pay inside” at the pump before returning to me for the discount.)

    Customer: “Alright, I’ve put $42 in my car.” *gives me the coupons*

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I needed you to select the pay inside option at the pump, and it seems that you have used your credit card outside. My computer system will not authorize this discount.”

    Customer: “What!? You told me to pump my gas first!”

    Me: “Yes, but you needed to select the pay inside option like I instructed.”

    Customer: “So you won’t give me my discount?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but there is no way for me to ring it up. These coupons never expire, so you can hang on to it and feel free to use it next time.”

    Customer: “This is outrageous! You are a poopy face mister! You’re grounded!” *storms out*

    It’s How Old Folks Say I Love You

    | Fridley, MN, USA | Top

    (I’m ringing up a young man’s order. There’s an older regular customer drinking coffee at a table across from our counter.)

    Me: “Okay, your total comes to $5.63.”

    Young man: “Oh, all I have is $5. I left my wallet at home.”

    Older customer: “What’s he short, a dollar? Here, I’ll give him a dollar. Come here kid.”

    (The young man walks over to the older customer’s table to get the dollar.)

    Young man: “Thank you, thank you so–”

    Older customer: “WHY DON’T YOU GET A F***ING JOB?!”

    Young man: *runs out of the store*

    Small Talk In The Big House

    | Apple Valley, MN, USA |

    (While working the overnight shift alone, a single customer walks into the store and walks to my register.)

    Customer: “What would you do if I robbed you?”

    Me: “…I’d call the cops.”

    Customer: “What about if I had a knife to your throat?”

    Me: “Do you really think those are good questions to be asking me?”

    Customer: “Okay, let’s just say I have a gun in your face.”

    Me: “Get out. Now.”

    Customer: “Sheesh, I was just trying to have a friendly conversation with you…” *leaves*

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