Smut And Sin, Just Don’t Show Skin

| British Columbia, Canada | Religion, Rude & Risque, Top

(We sell a variety of different magazines. The very back row is where the smut magazines are kept. Note that I’m a 16-year-old girl and very uninterested in that sort of thing.)

Customer: “Do you know if you only sell Playboy magazines, or do you sell Playgirl magazines as well?”

Me: “I have no idea, ma’am. I don’t, uh, pay much attention to the back row.”

Customer: “Why? Do scantily clad girls offend you and your religion?”

Me: “No, ma’am. I’m actually not really religious. I’m just not into that sort of thing.”

Customer: “What do you mean you’re not religious? Don’t you know that Jesus died on the cross for your sins?”

Me: “Ma’am, I don’t want to get into a debate about religion. I just want to help you find what you’re looking for–”

Customer: “You’re a sinner! You sin and sell smut magazines!”

Me: *confused* “Ma’am, weren’t you looking for Playgirl magazines?”

(The customer turns beet red, storms out of the store, hops into her car, and drives away.)

Wake Up And Sell The Coffee, Part 2

| Riverside, CA, USA | Food & Drink

(I’m ringing up customers when I suddenly have a severe allergic reaction to something I ate on my break twenty minutes ago. By severe reaction, I mean my entire body is quickly becoming covered in hives in the span of about 30 seconds.)

Customer: “Hey, can you hurry up? I’m kind of in a hurry.”

Me: “Sorry, I think I’m gonna have to get someone else to finish
helping you.”

Customer: “No! I’m late and I need you to finish ringing me up right now!”

Me: “Uhh…” *passes out*

(As I am coming to, I can hear the customer still yelling.)

Customer: “No, you can’t help me! I know he’s faking it and I’m not leaving until he rings me up!”

Related:
Wake Up And Sell The Coffee

I Have Lost A Dream

| Raleigh, NC, USA | Uncategorized

Lost customer: “Excuse me, sir. I’m lost. Can you help me, please?”

Me: “Sure. What are you looking for?”

Lost customer: “I’m looking for Milkjer Blvd.”

Me: “I’ve never heard of it.”

Lost customer: “Yeah, it’s a weird spelling. But it’s clearly Milkjer Blvd.”

Me: “Can I see your directions?”

Lost customer: “Sure. See, it’s spelled M-L-K-J-r Blvd.”

Run-Of-The-Mill Requests

| Madison, WI, USA | Uncategorized

(A customer sets all their items up on the counter. This includes a six-pack of beer.)

Me: “Okay, your total will be $12.12.”

(The customer hands me their food stamp card.)

Me: “I can run this through, and it’ll take most of the total off. But beer isn’t covered under this program. I apologize.”

Customer: “Excuse me, what?”

Me: “Yeah, alcohol isn’t covered under the Supplemental Nutritional Assistance program.”

Customer: “But beer is nutritional. It has wheat in it.”

Weeding Out The Good Customers, Part 2

| Zumbrota, MN, USA | Top

(We have two branches of my store in our town of about 3,500. Ours is referred to as the ‘ghetto’ store.)

Me: “How’s it going?”

Customer: “Pretty good.”

Me: “Will that be all?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Total is $2.98.”

Customer: “Here’s $3. Plus, a little something extra.”

(He hands me a bud of weed.)

Me: “What’s this for?”

Customer: “It’s a Friday night, and you are trapped in hell. Now you tell me what it’s for.”

Related:
Weeding Out The Good Customers

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