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    | Ontario, Canada |

    Me: “Hi, how are you today?”

    Customer: *in thick German accent* “I am great.”

    Me: “Perfect! You’re total will be $****. Do you have a [Gas Station] Points Card?”

    Customer: “No! I am German! I have everything I need!”

    About To Get A Fist For A Dollar

    | Fort Knox, KY, USA | At The Checkout, Money, Top

    Me: “Your total comes to $2.15.”

    Child Customer: “Okay.”

    (He slides his card, touches the key pad and reaches for his things.)

    Me: “Hun, you paid through gift card and there wasn’t enough to cover it all. You’re short 46 cents.”

    Child Customer: “Oh, um…can you just remove something?”

    Me: “I can’t cancel a transaction in the middle of it.”

    Child Customer: “Well, I don’t want the drink no more.”

    Me: “Look, I’ll cover the rest but next time just make sure you know how much is on your card or ask us to check before hand.”

    (I go through my pocket and pull out a dollar to cover the change after not being able to find enough change to cover the rest. I finish cashing it out and notice the kid’s still there, hand held out and ready to receive change back.)

    Loony Over A Loonie

    | Ontario, Canada | At The Checkout, Canada, Top

    (I am ringing out an American girl. Keep in mind Canada uses coins for $1 and $2.)

    Me: “…and your change is $3.64. You have a wonderful day.”

    Customer: “Excuse me, you didn’t give me the right change.”

    Me: “Yes I did.”

    Customer: “No you didn’t. You only gave me coins, no paper.”

    Me: “Ma’am, we’re in Canada, and here we use coins.” *I hold up a $1 coin* “This is a loonie, and is worth $1.”

    Customer: “What’s a Canada?”

    Murder, She Wrote

    | Missouri, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Books & Reading

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Gas Station]. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Do you shoot guns?”

    Me: “Uh… what?”

    Customer: “Well, I know your gas station hires some athletic young men and I was wondering if you knew anything about guns?”

    Me: “Actually, I do know a decent amount about guns and shooting.”

    Customer: “If you threw a gun in the air and shot it with another gun, would it explode?”

    Me: “Wait, what? Why?”

    Customer: “Oh, well in the book I’m writing the sheriff is fighting the robber on the balcony of the theatre, and the robber’s gun flies into the air and the sheriff shoots it. Would it explode or hurt anyone?”

    Me: “Well, it probably wouldn’t explode, but it would probably discharge either when struck by the bullet or when it hits the ground.”

    Customer: “Would it hit someone?”

    Me: “You’re the author, ma’am.”

    Customer:  “Oh, thank you very much!  I’ll send you a copy when it’s published!”

    If You Build It, They Will Come Early

    | Pennsylvania, USA | Crazy Requests, Money, Top

    (I am working on a new gas station still under construction. Please note that the station is still nothing but a concrete building and new pumps. The gas signs read ‘00.00’.”)

    (A customer pulls up in a car and sits there for ten minutes. She then lays on the horn. I go over to her, and she looks extremely annoyed.)

    Me: “Do you need some help, ma’am?”

    Customer: “Finally! Yes, I want my free gas!”

    Me: *puzzled* “Free gas?”

    Customer: *ridiculous sigh and rolling eyes* “Yes! The sign says zero dollars, so the gas must be free! You have to give me some or I’ll sue for false advertising!”

    Me: “Ma’am, we’re not even open yet. We haven’t even finished the roof on the building, we don’t have gas yet. See all the construction stuff?”

    Customer: “Well there’s a sign! It says gas for zero dollars and I want my gas for zero dollars! Now!”

    Me: “Again ma’am, I’m sorry but there is no gas at this station. We’re still building it, we’re not open. Those gas pumps aren’t even hooked up yet.”

    Customer: “Well that’s completely unacceptable! You shouldn’t put signs up before you’re open!”

    Me: “Sorry, ma’am, we’re still building it.”

    Customer: *screaming* Well you shouldn’t build it until you’re open! Idiot!”

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