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    Weeding Out The Good Customers, Part 2

    | Zumbrota, MN, USA | Top

    (We have two branches of my store in our town of about 3,500. Ours is referred to as the ‘ghetto’ store.)

    Me: “How’s it going?”

    Customer: “Pretty good.”

    Me: “Will that be all?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “Total is $2.98.”

    Customer: “Here’s $3. Plus, a little something extra.”

    (He hands me a bud of weed.)

    Me: “What’s this for?”

    Customer: “It’s a Friday night, and you are trapped in hell. Now you tell me what it’s for.”

    Weeding Out The Good Customers

    Short Changing Your Mind

    | New Zealand | Top

    Me: “Hello, sir.”

    Customer: “I want tobacco.”

    Me: “What type?”

    Customer: “Tobacco for smoking. I want five packets.”

    Me: “Okay, that’s $144.”

    Customer: “Can you make it $150? I only have fifties.”

    Me: “We do have change.”

    Customer: “No, I don’t want change.”

    Me: “Okay, then…that’s $150.”

    (The customer starts to leave, but suddenly turns around and faces me.)

    Customer: “Where’s my change, b****?!”

    Feeling Fuel-ish, Part 2

    | Marysville, WA, USA |

    (A girl of about 20 pulls up to the pump. After several minutes of her nervously looking around and doing nothing, I approach her.)

    Me: “Is there something I can help you with?”

    Customer: “I don’t know how to do this.”

    Me: “You don’t know how to fuel up your car?”

    Customer: “No! There’s so many buttons! Where does this hose thingy go?”

    Me: “Well, first you have to pay.”

    (Several minutes ensue of walking her through the procedure, in which I learn she has been driving for 4 years.)

    Customer: “Thank you so much for your help, I don’t know how anyone can do this!”

    Me: *notices license plate* “Oh! You’re from Oregon! People pump gas for you there, don’t they?”

    Customer: “Yes! I can’t believe they don’t do it here! Are the people at this gas station poor?”

    Feeling Fuel-ish

    The Elderly Fight Change

    | New Zealand |

    (I’m working the counter of a busy service station. An elderly customer comes in to pay.)

    Me: “Good afternoon, sir. Just Pump 6 and the LPG today?”

    Customer: *producing his bankcard* “Yes, that’s all, thanks.”

    Me: “Great, your total is $46.71.” *rings up sale and waits for him to enter pin*

    Customer: “Can I have my change?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir?”

    Customer: “My change.”

    Me: “Ok sir, I’m really sorry, but I’m not quite sure what change you mean.”

    Customer: “What’s my total again?”

    Me: “$46.71.”

    Customer: “Great, can I have my change?”

    Me: “Sir, you’re paying by card. You won’t get change as you will be paying the exact amount electronically.”

    Customer: “Oh, I see.”

    (He is pressing buttons on the keypad, but has not selected an account.)

    Me: “Sir, you need to select an account.”

    Customer: “Yes, I’ve done that.”

    Me: “You want ‘Cheque’” or ‘Savings’?”

    (He finally selects ‘Cheque’ and enters in a pin. After a few seconds, it comes up declined as he has entered an incorrect pin.)

    Me: “Okay, sir, you’ve entered an invalid pin number. I need you to try again.”

    (I ring up the sale again, and make sure he selects ‘Cheque’ again. He seems very confused.)

    Customer: “What was my total again? I want to get this right.”

    Me: “Forty six dollars and seventy one cents, sir.”

    Customer: “Ok!” *punches in numbers and announces them out loud* “4-6-7-1!”

    Me: “Hang on, sir. You’re entering your total instead of your pin number.”

    Customer: “Well, yes.”

    Me: “The total is already in our computer. You need to enter the pin number for your card so the sale goes through.”

    Customer: “Oh. What’s my pin number, then?”

    Me: “Would you prefer to pay cash, sir?”

    Loyalty Ist Verboten!

    | Ontario, Canada |

    Me: “Hi, how are you today?”

    Customer: *in thick German accent* “I am great.”

    Me: “Perfect! You’re total will be $****. Do you have a [Gas Station] Points Card?”

    Customer: “No! I am German! I have everything I need!”

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