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    Nicoteenagers

    | Ontario, Canada |

    (I have just gotten my first job, at age 16. I am a clerk in a gas station that mostly sells gas and cigarettes.)

    Customer: “Oh, hey [my name], I didn’t know you worked here.”

    Me: “Yeah, I just started a couple weeks ago. What can I get you?”

    Customer: “Can I get a pack of cigarettes?”

    Me: “We were in grade 8 together, and I’m only 16. I’m pretty sure I can’t sell you those.”

    Customer: “Yeah I like, failed a lot of grades. I’m 19 now.”

    Me: “Really? Can I see your ID then?”

    Customer: “I…I think I’ll try the 7/11 down the street.”

    Odd Quarterly Statement

    | Ontario, Canada |

    Me: “Okay, that’ll be $*.**.”

    Customer: *gives me a twenty* “Don’t give me any quarters!”

    Me: “Alright.”

    Customer: “I already have all the quarters!”

    Me: “Oh, are you collecting coins?”

    Customer: “No, but I already have all the quarters! If you give me any quarters, then I’ll know that I don’t have all the quarters! I’ll have to start all over!”

    Translation: Stupid

    | Ontario, Canada |

    Customer: “Excuse me, why won’t my card work on the pump?”

    Me: “Is it an American card?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “American cards don’t work at the pump.”

    Customer: “You should put up a sign or something.”

    Me: “Actually, there are several right above the card slot.”

    Customer: “Oh. Well, I don’t read Canadian…”

    Fighting Fire With Fire, Part 3

    | Huntingdon, Cambs, UK |

    (A man walks up to our gas station pumps smoking a cigarette. I am working alone, so I talk to him using the microphone.)

    Me: “Could you please move away from the pumps with your cigarettes immediately?”

    Smoking Man: *shouts back to me* “Petroleum extinguishes cigarettes!”

    Me: “You can’t smoke here. There are lots of explosive fumes!”

    Smoking Man: “No, I am a fireman! We use petroleum to put out fires!”

    Me: “I doubt that. I have now stopped all the pumps so no one else can get any gas until you leave the gas station.”

    Smoking Man: “PETROL EXTINGUISHES CIGARETTES!”

    (Just then, a customer who has been pumping gas speaks up.)

    Customer: “I’ll f***ing extinguish you, you d***!” *chases Smoking Man out of the gas station*

    Related:
    Fighting Fire With Fire, Part 2
    Fighting Fire With Fire

    Circular Reasoning

    | Germany |

    (A customer in a big SUV pulls up to the pump. When she gets out, she realizes that her gas tank is on the driver’s side but her passenger’s side is facing the pump.)

    Customer: “I bet that’s not gonna work, right?”

    Me: “I don’t think so. You’d better try again.”

    (She gets back in, drives around the same pump, and gets out. Her gas tank is still on the wrong side.)

    Customer: *puzzled* “How come?”

    Me: “Let me help you…”

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