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  • September Theme Of The Month: Overheard!

    Blisteringly Stupid Question

    | Orlando, FL, USA | Extra Stupid, Health & Body, Tourists/Travel

    Driver: *after the fill-up* “Can I ask you a question?”

    Me: “Sure.”

    Driver: “It’s about my husband. We were on the beach today and he got sunburned.”

    Me: “Uh-huh.”

    Driver: “What should I do to make him feel better?”

    Me: “Well, aloe lotions are good. If it’s really painful, though, use lidocaine.”

    Driver: “But he’s got blisters.”

    Me: “Get him to the hospital! He’s got second-degree burns!”

    Driver: “Oh, I couldn’t do that. He hates hospitals.”

    Me: *stunned silence*

    Driving Directionless

    | CT, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Transportation

    (We have tricky pumps and constantly have.to explain to people how to use them…)

    Customer: “The f****** pumps are not working!”

    Me: “You have to push in the nozzle all the way.”

    Customer: “I f****** did that. Can’t you just come and f****** help me?”

    Me: “I’m busy right now; I’ll be outside in two minutes.”

    (I wait two minutes and go outside and try pushing the nozzle all the way in and it doesn’t work… so I read the display screen.)

    Me: “Sir, it says you need to lower the lever.”

    Customer: “Well, at every other gas station you lift it up!”

    Me: *slams down lever* “Well, at this gas station we follow directions.”

    Making Them See Cents

    | Perth, WA, Australia | Money, Transportation, Wild & Unruly

    (A frequent customer comes in and fills up her tank every few days and thinks she’s being smart by putting in an extra 2c, because in Australia we round down/up to the nearest 5c/10c. That means she gets 2c worth of free fuel. Normally we don’t bother fighting if she goes over and up to 5c, because it’s not worth the screaming, but today we have our new trainee on. She doesn’t back down easily.)

    Trainee: “That’ll be $9.05 today.”

    Customer: “What?”

    Trainee: “The total is $9.05. Would you like to purchase any in store items for a discount on your fuel today?”

    Customer: “No, I don’t want anything. How is that possible? When I left that pump, it said $9.02. I know it did!”

    Trainee: “On my system it says $9.03, so it got rounded up to $9.05. Cash or card?”

    Customer: “F*** you. I’m going out there to check, and when I come back you better fix this!”

    Trainee: “I’m sorry, ma’am, you’re more than welcome to check the price again.”

    (The customer at this point storms out of the store and over to her car. I’m trying not to laugh, because this woman once threw a loaf of bread at me for doing the exact same thing. When she storms back in, she throws the 5c at the trainee, who is busy serving another customer while she waited.)

    Customer: “F*** all of you! I had $9.02 on that f****** pump when I came inside, and you changed it! You are stealing money off of me! I’m calling the cops!”

    Trainee: “You can do that, ma’am, and I’ll be happy to talk to them. Would you like an invoice?”

    Customer: “You can f*** off back to your own country! Stealing my f****** money and sending it back to your 12 kids I bet! F*** you! F*** this store. I’m not coming back!”

    (The other customer’s mouth is open in surprise. The trainee shrugs and the lady storms out of the store screaming very inappropriate racial slurs.)

    Other Customer: “What the h*** was that?”

    Trainee: “Couldn’t tell you even if I knew.”

    (Our trainee is a white Australian. It’s just that she spends a lot of time in the sun and has a deep tan. We forwarded the footage to the local police station, who then informed us we’re the last service station that hasn’t banned her.)

    Make You Fall Off Your Chair

    | FL, USA | Bizarre, History, Money

    (I am at a gas station and the customer in front of me is paying. He notices he has an Alabama state quarter.)

    Customer: “Is that an electric chair on there? Was Alabama the first state to use the electric chair?”

    Cashier: “No, sir, that’s Helen Keller.”

    Customer: “Why the h*** did they put Helen Keller in an electric chair?!”

    Not Even Time To Air One’s Grievances

    | TX, USA | Crazy Requests, Transportation

    (It is almost 6:30 am and I get out of my car to walk to the fuel center to open for the day. When I’m halfway there I bid good morning to a lady at a pump.)

    Customer: “…Do you work here?”

    Me: *looks down at uniform* “Yes, ma’am.”

    Customer: *flicks receipt* “I got gas. Does the air machine work?”

    (Our customers get complimentary air with a same visit gas purchase.)

    Me: “As far as I know, yes. I can turn it on for you as soon as I get inside. Go ahead and pull up to the machine.”

    (I take not six steps; the kiosk is still a few yards away.)

    Customer: “Is it on yet?”

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