October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

Wish You Could Wash Your Hands Of This Customer

| Finland | Extra Stupid, Technology, Transportation

(It’s late in the evening. It’s quite busy, so we have both registers open. A middle-aged lady is next in my line.)

Customer #1: “I’d like to wash my car.”

Me: “What kind of wash would you need today?”

Customer #1: “I don’t know… What would you recommend?”

(I recommend her the basic carwash with wax, and she pays for it. I hand her the receipt with a code you need to enter in order to get into the carwash.)

Customer #1: “So, who is going to take my car to the carwash? I’ve never done it; my husband has always done it for me.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but at this moment there is no-one to take your car. You need to do it yourself.”

Customer #1: “But I’ve never done it before! What do I have to do?! Why can’t you do it?”

(There is a line for my register, and even a longer one for my coworker.)

Me: “I’m really sorry but there is no-one who could do it at the moment. But it’s not hard at all! You just drive to the other side of the building. There are two washing units. Just choose which ever you like. Before you drive inside, you need to turn your side mirrors and take the radio antenna off. Then just enter this code right here on the keypad, drive in, stop when the light is red and just wait until the wash is over.”

Customer #1: “But… but… Is there really no-one to do this? Oh, this is all so hard! My husband has always done this!”

Me: *giving up* “How about this? You drive to the other side of the building and I’ll come over there and show you how it’s done? I’ll just serve these customers quickly.”

Customer #1: “Oh, yes, please!”

(She leaves. I serve the other customers waiting in the line. The man who was right after the lady shouts to me from the door:)

Customer #2: “Oh, boy! The lady who you just served? She’s trying to get into the carwash from the wrong side of the building!”

(I go outside, and there she is, looking really confused.)

Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, but you need to drive to the other side of the building. Just let me first take care of those mirrors and the antenna.”

(The customer is looking even more confused as I hand her the antenna. She drives to the other side of the building and parks in front of the washing unit.)

Me: “Okay. So, could you please hand me the receipt with the code? You just enter this code on the keypad. Then you drive inside—”

Customer #1: *cuts me off* “How do I know when to stop? Oh, this is so hard!”

Me: “You stop when the light over there turns red. Then you stop your engine, put on the handbrake, and just wait. When the wash is over, the other door will open. When the light turns back to green, you can drive out. Remember to turn your mirrors back to normal position when you are done.”

Customer #1: “Oh, thank you! I’ve never done this! I hope I do everything right!”

(I watch as the customer drives in and make sure the wash starts correctly. I return to the register. About ten minutes passes, long enough for the wash to end.)

Customer #1: “Oh, I don’t know what happened to my car! I came out of the wash and now all the turn signals on my car are flashing! What did the wash do to my car!”

Me: “You must have pressed the button for emergency signal by accident. Just press the button again and it’ll be fine.”

Customer #1: “NO! I have not pressed anything! It’s the wash! It did something to my car!”

Me: “Let me come and take a look.”

(We go outside, and to no surprise, she has pressed the button. I press it again and the flashing stops.)

Customer #1: “I don’t understand! Why did it do like that?! I have not pressed any buttons!”

Me: “I don’t know. Strange. Well, it’s fixed now. Have a nice evening!”

(I went back inside and told my coworker what just happened. She was just as confused as I was.)

Blisteringly Stupid Question

| Orlando, FL, USA | Extra Stupid, Health & Body, Tourists/Travel

Driver: *after the fill-up* “Can I ask you a question?”

Me: “Sure.”

Driver: “It’s about my husband. We were on the beach today and he got sunburned.”

Me: “Uh-huh.”

Driver: “What should I do to make him feel better?”

Me: “Well, aloe lotions are good. If it’s really painful, though, use lidocaine.”

Driver: “But he’s got blisters.”

Me: “Get him to the hospital! He’s got second-degree burns!”

Driver: “Oh, I couldn’t do that. He hates hospitals.”

Me: *stunned silence*

Driving Directionless

| CT, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Transportation

(We have tricky pumps and constantly have.to explain to people how to use them…)

Customer: “The f****** pumps are not working!”

Me: “You have to push in the nozzle all the way.”

Customer: “I f****** did that. Can’t you just come and f****** help me?”

Me: “I’m busy right now; I’ll be outside in two minutes.”

(I wait two minutes and go outside and try pushing the nozzle all the way in and it doesn’t work… so I read the display screen.)

Me: “Sir, it says you need to lower the lever.”

Customer: “Well, at every other gas station you lift it up!”

Me: *slams down lever* “Well, at this gas station we follow directions.”

Making Them See Cents

| Perth, WA, Australia | Money, Transportation, Wild & Unruly

(A frequent customer comes in and fills up her tank every few days and thinks she’s being smart by putting in an extra 2c, because in Australia we round down/up to the nearest 5c/10c. That means she gets 2c worth of free fuel. Normally we don’t bother fighting if she goes over and up to 5c, because it’s not worth the screaming, but today we have our new trainee on. She doesn’t back down easily.)

Trainee: “That’ll be $9.05 today.”

Customer: “What?”

Trainee: “The total is $9.05. Would you like to purchase any in store items for a discount on your fuel today?”

Customer: “No, I don’t want anything. How is that possible? When I left that pump, it said $9.02. I know it did!”

Trainee: “On my system it says $9.03, so it got rounded up to $9.05. Cash or card?”

Customer: “F*** you. I’m going out there to check, and when I come back you better fix this!”

Trainee: “I’m sorry, ma’am, you’re more than welcome to check the price again.”

(The customer at this point storms out of the store and over to her car. I’m trying not to laugh, because this woman once threw a loaf of bread at me for doing the exact same thing. When she storms back in, she throws the 5c at the trainee, who is busy serving another customer while she waited.)

Customer: “F*** all of you! I had $9.02 on that f****** pump when I came inside, and you changed it! You are stealing money off of me! I’m calling the cops!”

Trainee: “You can do that, ma’am, and I’ll be happy to talk to them. Would you like an invoice?”

Customer: “You can f*** off back to your own country! Stealing my f****** money and sending it back to your 12 kids I bet! F*** you! F*** this store. I’m not coming back!”

(The other customer’s mouth is open in surprise. The trainee shrugs and the lady storms out of the store screaming very inappropriate racial slurs.)

Other Customer: “What the h*** was that?”

Trainee: “Couldn’t tell you even if I knew.”

(Our trainee is a white Australian. It’s just that she spends a lot of time in the sun and has a deep tan. We forwarded the footage to the local police station, who then informed us we’re the last service station that hasn’t banned her.)

Make You Fall Off Your Chair

| FL, USA | Bizarre, History, Money

(I am at a gas station and the customer in front of me is paying. He notices he has an Alabama state quarter.)

Customer: “Is that an electric chair on there? Was Alabama the first state to use the electric chair?”

Cashier: “No, sir, that’s Helen Keller.”

Customer: “Why the h*** did they put Helen Keller in an electric chair?!”

Page 2/3612345...Last