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    Nothing To Tip Him Off

    | Colorado Springs, CO, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Language & Words

    (My coworker and I are working at a gas station while our manager is working in the back room. A customer comes up to the register.)

    Customer: “Can I get a wine (tobacco product)?”

    (Because these products come in either wood tip or plastic tip, we always ask the customer which they would like if they don’t specify.)

    Coworker: “Wood or plastic tip?”

    Customer: “Wine.”

    Coworker: “Yes. Wood or plastic?”

    Customer: “WINE.”

    Coworker: “WOOD or PLASTIC?”

    (This continues on for another minute or two until they are near shouting at each other, despite my coworker acknowledging the request for wine-flavor. My manager comes around the corner with her phone out.)

    Manager: “Sir, she’s asking you very clearly which kind of wine (tobacco product) you would like: one with a wood tip, or one with a plastic tip.”

    (The customer has a dumbfounded look for a moment, and then slaps his hand to his forehead in embarrassment.)

    Customer: “OH! Oh, my goodness. I’m SO sorry! Plastic tip, please!”

    (We all start laughing as my coworker shakes her head and begins checking the man out. Before he leaves, he looks at my manager, who is still standing next to me, giggling.)

    Customer: “Why did you come out with your phone out, anyways?”

    Manager: “Oh, because it was just too perfect! I had to get it on video or no one would ever believe it really happened!”

    (She had recorded the exchange, and has since showed it to some of my other coworkers who couldn’t believe that this even happened. The man still comes in and has since remembered to specify which kind of tip he would like on his product.)

    Playing With Fire

    | OH, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

    (I work in a gas station that is a part of a larger superstore. We get a lot of calls to the gas station from customers trying to reach the store, but we can’t transfer them to the store from the station. This call happens during a crisis involving the main store catching on fire. Smoke and flames are clearly visible from the gas station, and it looks pretty bad. Everyone has been evacuated from the main store.)

    Me: “Hello. Thank you for calling [Gas Station]. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Toy department.”

    Me: “Ma’am, this is actually the gas statio—”

    Customer: *louder* “TOY DEPARTMENT.”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, but this is just the gas station. I cannot transfer you from here. Normally I’d give you the number for the main store. But, um, everyone’s evacuated because the store is kind of on fire right now.”

    Customer: “What? TOY DEPARTMENT, for Christ’s sake! Why won’t you just help me?”

    Me: “As I said before, ma’am, THE BUILDING IS ON FIRE. I’m sorry, but you’re going to have to call back at a later time. There is no one in the store to take your call right now.”

    Customer: “WHY THE H*** NOT?!”

    Not One’s Cup Of Tea

    | Brisbane, QLD, Australia | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (I am waiting in line at a petrol station that sells coffees, snacks, and other small grocery items as well as petrol. The customer in front of me is speaking to the cashier.)

    Customer: “I just want two tea bags, please.”

    Cashier: “Do you mean you want two teas to go?”

    Customer: “No, I just want to pay for two tea bags on their own.”

    Cashier: “I’m sorry. We can’t just sell you individual tea bags. We have boxes of 20 tea bags over on the shelves that you can buy.”

    Customer: *getting annoyed* “I don’t understand. Can’t you just take two tea bags from the box and sell them to me?”

    Cashier: “No, we can’t do that.”

    (The customer turns to me with a look of disbelief on her face.)

    Customer: *to me* “Why can’t they just sell me two tea bags?!”

    Me: “Because they don’t have individual tea bags as an item in their computer system so they can’t just charge you for this arbitrary item. They are not items that are for sale individually.”

    Customer: “Ugh! Who asked you, anyway?!”

    Me: “Uh, YOU did.”

    (The customer leaves in a huff while shooting me a dirty look.)

    Driving Down Route 66(6)

    | VA, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Holidays, Religion, Top

    (It is late evening, a few days before Halloween. My coworker at the register has been dealing with an irate woman for several minutes. She is ranting about the cheap decorations hanging on our door. As a result a line is forming behind her.)

    Customer: “I’ll never shop here again! Everything in here is cursed! You’ll be attracting the demon spawns of the devil!”

    (I come up to the second register to deal with the line forming behind the customer. Most of the other customers shift over to me, but one younger woman is watching the first customer rant. Suddenly, the younger woman turns and runs out of the store. And a second later, she comes back in wearing the most amazing, and yet disgusting, full-head mask I’ve ever seen. It looks like a rotting deer, complete with antlers, shaggy fur, and wide dead white eyes. The younger woman walks up to the ranting customer and clears her throat loudly.)

    Younger Woman: *to my coworker* “Dude, I need $20 on pump four for my ‘Hell-mobile.’” *turns to the first customer* “And what’s your problem with us demons, anyway? Even the devil needs a place to buy gas and beer.”

    (The first customer turns and stares at the younger woman for a long moment. Then the first customer actually screams and runs out of the store, leaving all of her items behind.)

    Younger Woman: “I hope that lady wasn’t buying gas. I don’t think she’s coming back.”

    Finally Sees Cents

    | Melbourne, VIC, Australia | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Math & Science, Money, Theme Of The Month

    (The price of the fuel has gone up, from $0.537 cents per litre, to $0.539 cents per litre. We always change the outside signs BEFORE we change the price on the pump. A customer pulls up just as the price is changing. She fills her car with fuel and pays. She turns to leave, then looks at her receipt. She returns to the counter.)

    Customer: “Um, excuse me, but you have ripped me off. You have charged me the wrong price.”

    Me: I’m sorry? Let me take a look at the receipt.

    (I look at the receipt, and it clearly shows the price as being $0.539 cents per litre. She had purchased 25 litres.)

    Customer: “See, it’s the wrong price. You are rip-off merchants. You have stolen my money!”

    Me: “Ma’am, the price is correct, I’m unsure as to what you are referring.”

    Customer: “When I drove in, the pump said 53.7 and then you charge me 53.9 cents a litre! That’s extortion!”

    Me: “Well, actually the signs outside clearly indicate the price, and the pumps had just changed as you pulled up.”

    Customer: “So you admit it! You have ripped me off! I want to see the manager!”

    Me: “I am the manager, ma’am. For the inconvenience, I shall refund you the difference.”

    (I hand her the five cents.)

    Customer: “Seriously? I’m not stupid you know! It’s a lot more than just five cents!”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, you purchased 25 litres yes?”

    Customer: “Yes!”

    Me: “The price went from 53.7 CENTS a litre to 53.9 CENTS a litre?”

    Customer: “Yes!”

    Me: “So 25 multiplied by .2 of a cent equates to 5 cents.”

    (Red faced and obviously extremely mortified, the customer raced out of the store without so much as a ‘sorry!’)


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