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    The Elderly Fight Change

    | New Zealand |

    (I’m working the counter of a busy service station. An elderly customer comes in to pay.)

    Me: “Good afternoon, sir. Just Pump 6 and the LPG today?”

    Customer: *producing his bankcard* “Yes, that’s all, thanks.”

    Me: “Great, your total is $46.71.” *rings up sale and waits for him to enter pin*

    Customer: “Can I have my change?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir?”

    Customer: “My change.”

    Me: “Ok sir, I’m really sorry, but I’m not quite sure what change you mean.”

    Customer: “What’s my total again?”

    Me: “$46.71.”

    Customer: “Great, can I have my change?”

    Me: “Sir, you’re paying by card. You won’t get change as you will be paying the exact amount electronically.”

    Customer: “Oh, I see.”

    (He is pressing buttons on the keypad, but has not selected an account.)

    Me: “Sir, you need to select an account.”

    Customer: “Yes, I’ve done that.”

    Me: “You want ‘Cheque’” or ‘Savings’?”

    (He finally selects ‘Cheque’ and enters in a pin. After a few seconds, it comes up declined as he has entered an incorrect pin.)

    Me: “Okay, sir, you’ve entered an invalid pin number. I need you to try again.”

    (I ring up the sale again, and make sure he selects ‘Cheque’ again. He seems very confused.)

    Customer: “What was my total again? I want to get this right.”

    Me: “Forty six dollars and seventy one cents, sir.”

    Customer: “Ok!” *punches in numbers and announces them out loud* “4-6-7-1!”

    Me: “Hang on, sir. You’re entering your total instead of your pin number.”

    Customer: “Well, yes.”

    Me: “The total is already in our computer. You need to enter the pin number for your card so the sale goes through.”

    Customer: “Oh. What’s my pin number, then?”

    Me: “Would you prefer to pay cash, sir?”

    Loyalty Ist Verboten!

    | Ontario, Canada |

    Me: “Hi, how are you today?”

    Customer: *in thick German accent* “I am great.”

    Me: “Perfect! You’re total will be $****. Do you have a [Gas Station] Points Card?”

    Customer: “No! I am German! I have everything I need!”

    About To Get A Fist For A Dollar

    | Fort Knox, KY, USA | At The Checkout, Money, Top

    Me: “Your total comes to $2.15.”

    Child Customer: “Okay.”

    (He slides his card, touches the key pad and reaches for his things.)

    Me: “Hun, you paid through gift card and there wasn’t enough to cover it all. You’re short 46 cents.”

    Child Customer: “Oh, um…can you just remove something?”

    Me: “I can’t cancel a transaction in the middle of it.”

    Child Customer: “Well, I don’t want the drink no more.”

    Me: “Look, I’ll cover the rest but next time just make sure you know how much is on your card or ask us to check before hand.”

    (I go through my pocket and pull out a dollar to cover the change after not being able to find enough change to cover the rest. I finish cashing it out and notice the kid’s still there, hand held out and ready to receive change back.)

    Loony Over A Loonie

    | Ontario, Canada | At The Checkout, Canada, Top

    (I am ringing out an American girl. Keep in mind Canada uses coins for $1 and $2.)

    Me: “…and your change is $3.64. You have a wonderful day.”

    Customer: “Excuse me, you didn’t give me the right change.”

    Me: “Yes I did.”

    Customer: “No you didn’t. You only gave me coins, no paper.”

    Me: “Ma’am, we’re in Canada, and here we use coins.” *I hold up a $1 coin* “This is a loonie, and is worth $1.”

    Customer: “What’s a Canada?”

    Murder, She Wrote

    | Missouri, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Books & Reading

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Gas Station]. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Do you shoot guns?”

    Me: “Uh… what?”

    Customer: “Well, I know your gas station hires some athletic young men and I was wondering if you knew anything about guns?”

    Me: “Actually, I do know a decent amount about guns and shooting.”

    Customer: “If you threw a gun in the air and shot it with another gun, would it explode?”

    Me: “Wait, what? Why?”

    Customer: “Oh, well in the book I’m writing the sheriff is fighting the robber on the balcony of the theatre, and the robber’s gun flies into the air and the sheriff shoots it. Would it explode or hurt anyone?”

    Me: “Well, it probably wouldn’t explode, but it would probably discharge either when struck by the bullet or when it hits the ground.”

    Customer: “Would it hit someone?”

    Me: “You’re the author, ma’am.”

    Customer:  “Oh, thank you very much!  I’ll send you a copy when it’s published!”


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