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    I Have Lost A Dream

    | Raleigh, NC, USA |

    Lost customer: “Excuse me, sir. I’m lost. Can you help me, please?”

    Me: “Sure. What are you looking for?”

    Lost customer: “I’m looking for Milkjer Blvd.”

    Me: “I’ve never heard of it.”

    Lost customer: “Yeah, it’s a weird spelling. But it’s clearly Milkjer Blvd.”

    Me: “Can I see your directions?”

    Lost customer: “Sure. See, it’s spelled M-L-K-J-r Blvd.”

    Run-Of-The-Mill Requests

    | Madison, WI, USA |

    (A customer sets all their items up on the counter. This includes a six-pack of beer.)

    Me: “Okay, your total will be $12.12.”

    (The customer hands me their food stamp card.)

    Me: “I can run this through, and it’ll take most of the total off. But beer isn’t covered under this program. I apologize.”

    Customer: “Excuse me, what?”

    Me: “Yeah, alcohol isn’t covered under the Supplemental Nutritional Assistance program.”

    Customer: “But beer is nutritional. It has wheat in it.”

    Weeding Out The Good Customers, Part 2

    | Zumbrota, MN, USA | Top

    (We have two branches of my store in our town of about 3,500. Ours is referred to as the ‘ghetto’ store.)

    Me: “How’s it going?”

    Customer: “Pretty good.”

    Me: “Will that be all?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “Total is $2.98.”

    Customer: “Here’s $3. Plus, a little something extra.”

    (He hands me a bud of weed.)

    Me: “What’s this for?”

    Customer: “It’s a Friday night, and you are trapped in hell. Now you tell me what it’s for.”

    Related:
    Weeding Out The Good Customers

    Short Changing Your Mind

    | New Zealand | Top

    Me: “Hello, sir.”

    Customer: “I want tobacco.”

    Me: “What type?”

    Customer: “Tobacco for smoking. I want five packets.”

    Me: “Okay, that’s $144.”

    Customer: “Can you make it $150? I only have fifties.”

    Me: “We do have change.”

    Customer: “No, I don’t want change.”

    Me: “Okay, then…that’s $150.”

    (The customer starts to leave, but suddenly turns around and faces me.)

    Customer: “Where’s my change, b****?!”

    Feeling Fuel-ish, Part 2

    | Marysville, WA, USA |

    (A girl of about 20 pulls up to the pump. After several minutes of her nervously looking around and doing nothing, I approach her.)

    Me: “Is there something I can help you with?”

    Customer: “I don’t know how to do this.”

    Me: “You don’t know how to fuel up your car?”

    Customer: “No! There’s so many buttons! Where does this hose thingy go?”

    Me: “Well, first you have to pay.”

    (Several minutes ensue of walking her through the procedure, in which I learn she has been driving for 4 years.)

    Customer: “Thank you so much for your help, I don’t know how anyone can do this!”

    Me: *notices license plate* “Oh! You’re from Oregon! People pump gas for you there, don’t they?”

    Customer: “Yes! I can’t believe they don’t do it here! Are the people at this gas station poor?”

    Related:
    Feeling Fuel-ish


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