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    Ignorance Really Is Bliss

    | Kalamazoo, MI, USA |

    (This happens at the end of the transaction, which up to this point had gone perfectly normally. The customer has paid in cash, with 40-some-odd cents in change.)

    Me: “There’s your receipt sir. Would you like to donate your change to the Children’s Miracle Network today?”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: “Well, if someone has less than 50 cents in change back, I usually ask them if they would like to donate their change.”

    Customer: “Donate?”

    Me: “Yes, our company exclusively supports the Children’s Miracle Network. At every store, we have donation jars like this red one. We collect change for the Children’s Miracle Network.”

    Customer: “What’s that?”

    Me: “The CMN? It’s a non-profit that helps sick kids find hospitals and treatment.”

    Customer: “Sick kids?”

    Me: “Yes, if a child is terminally ill or sick with a rare disease, the CMN will help them find treatments and even help with bills and such.”

    Customer: “There ain’t no sick kids!”

    Me: *confused* “Yes sir, plenty of kids are diagnosed with illnesses like cancer or other diseases.”

    Customer: “Why are you doing this!?”

    Me: “I’m sorry? Why am I doing what?”

    Customer: “Lying to me! I don’t wanna hear about no sick kids! I gotta go to work! All I wanted was to buy my coffee! I didn’t want no guilt trip! Let me see your manager!”

    (My manager had already heard the ruckus as she was crouched behind the counter collecting checks from the safe.)

    Manager: “Yes, sir, how may I help you?”

    Customer: “I just want my coffee! I don’t understand about these sick kids! Why did she tell me about the kids?”

    Manager: “Are you confused about the CMN sir? I actually have some brochures in the back that talk about their non-profit services.”

    Customer: *throws hands in the air* “Argh! There ain’t no sick kids! Shut up about the sick kids! I don’t understand!”

    (The customer storms out with his coffee, leaving me holding his change in my hand.)

    Manager: “It’s nice when the customers want to donate their change. Really gives them a good feeling, you know?”

    Me: *drops customer’s change in jar* “Yes, ma’am.”

    Thou Shalt Remain Loyal To Employer

    | Fort Worth, TX, USA |

    Customer: “Your prices are outrageous!”

    Me: “I know. I, myself, prefer to fill up somewhere cheaper.”

    Customer: “You should shop here, you know.”

    Me: “I buy some of my things here, but I always fill up somewhere cheaper.”

    Customer: “No, no, you should fill up and buy everything here! Otherwise, you’ll go to hell.”

    Me: “Uh, I really don’t think God will mind too much if I don’t buy everything from here.”

    Customer: “You’d better be sure. I wouldn’t want you to go to hell.”

    Me: “Oh, uh, thanks, I guess?”

    Customer: “I don’t want any d*** gas station attendants filling up my hell just because they didn’t fill up at their own store.”

    One Point Stupid

    | South Carolina, USA | Extra Stupid

    (I am a cashier in a gas station that sells a fair amount of “tobacco” rolling papers. We just recently changed brands that are slightly different. Note that I just moved from the north.)

    Me: “Hello, how may I help you today?”

    Customer: “I’ll take a pack of one point five rolling papers please.”

    Me: “All right, we have [brand name] one and one half gold, [brand name] one and one half silver, or [off brand] one and one half. Which would you like?”

    Customer: “I said one point five not one and one half. Don’t they teach math in school anymore?”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “It’s fine. I just wish they would stick to the three r’s still. Reading, writing, and ‘rithmitic.” *storms out*

    Me: *stands there with mouth wide open*

    Coworker: “Welcome to the south, buddy!”

    You’re Just Spin-Cycling Your Wheels

    | Nova Scotia, Canada | Extra Stupid

    (I work at a gas station with a carwash. A customer comes in and pushes his way to the front of the line. He is holding a shirt that is dripping wet.)

    Customer: “Your car wash sucks!”

    Me: “Sorry to hear that. What seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “I just bought a car wash and it didn’t clean anything! There is still a giant stain on it.”

    Me: “There is a giant stain on your car, sir?”

    Customer: “I don’t drive a car! I drive a truck, and the stain is on my shirt, you idiot!”

    (He holds up his shirt to show me a nice brown stain in the middle of his white shirt. I look at him confused for a few seconds until I look outside and see two men pulling clothes out from the back of a bright blue truck.)

    Me: “Sir, did you try and wash your clothes in our car wash?”

    Customer: “No, I am just standing here with a wet shirt for fun. I want a refund. It didn’t clean my shirt!”

    Me: “Sorry, this isn’t a laundromat, sir. I’m sorry. There is nothing I can do.”

    Customer: “I bought a luxury car wash and it didn’t clean s***! I want my f***ing money back!”

    Me: “We only give refunds on vehicles that haven’t been cleaned, sir.”

    (The customer yells a few choice words, threatens to call the head office, and leaves. To date, I have not heard from the head office.)

    Fruit Is But One Food Group

    | Fort Collins, CO, USA | Family & Kids, Top

    (I work in a standard gas station: there are few healthy things and lots of unhealthy things. As it is summer, we sell a lot of ice cream products. A family of three approaches me register and the father places ice cream bars on the counter.)

    Father: “Just these please.”

    Me: “All right, was there anything else you needed?”

    Mother: “No, thanks.”

    Boy: “Mommy! Can I have this?”

    (The boy, about four, proceeds to show her a container of sliced fruit that we have.)

    Mother: “Nuh-uh, put that back. You’re not getting that.”

    Boy: “But Mommy! It’s delicious! I’ll eat it!”

    Mother: “Put that back now! You have to eat your ice cream bar first!”

    (The boy continues to beg for the cup of fruit until he’s forced to leave the store with his ice cream bar.)


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