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    One Point Stupid

    | South Carolina, USA | Extra Stupid

    (I am a cashier in a gas station that sells a fair amount of “tobacco” rolling papers. We just recently changed brands that are slightly different. Note that I just moved from the north.)

    Me: “Hello, how may I help you today?”

    Customer: “I’ll take a pack of one point five rolling papers please.”

    Me: “All right, we have [brand name] one and one half gold, [brand name] one and one half silver, or [off brand] one and one half. Which would you like?”

    Customer: “I said one point five not one and one half. Don’t they teach math in school anymore?”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “It’s fine. I just wish they would stick to the three r’s still. Reading, writing, and ‘rithmitic.” *storms out*

    Me: *stands there with mouth wide open*

    Coworker: “Welcome to the south, buddy!”

    You’re Just Spin-Cycling Your Wheels

    | Nova Scotia, Canada | Extra Stupid

    (I work at a gas station with a carwash. A customer comes in and pushes his way to the front of the line. He is holding a shirt that is dripping wet.)

    Customer: “Your car wash sucks!”

    Me: “Sorry to hear that. What seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “I just bought a car wash and it didn’t clean anything! There is still a giant stain on it.”

    Me: “There is a giant stain on your car, sir?”

    Customer: “I don’t drive a car! I drive a truck, and the stain is on my shirt, you idiot!”

    (He holds up his shirt to show me a nice brown stain in the middle of his white shirt. I look at him confused for a few seconds until I look outside and see two men pulling clothes out from the back of a bright blue truck.)

    Me: “Sir, did you try and wash your clothes in our car wash?”

    Customer: “No, I am just standing here with a wet shirt for fun. I want a refund. It didn’t clean my shirt!”

    Me: “Sorry, this isn’t a laundromat, sir. I’m sorry. There is nothing I can do.”

    Customer: “I bought a luxury car wash and it didn’t clean s***! I want my f***ing money back!”

    Me: “We only give refunds on vehicles that haven’t been cleaned, sir.”

    (The customer yells a few choice words, threatens to call the head office, and leaves. To date, I have not heard from the head office.)

    Fruit Is But One Food Group

    | Fort Collins, CO, USA | Family & Kids, Top

    (I work in a standard gas station: there are few healthy things and lots of unhealthy things. As it is summer, we sell a lot of ice cream products. A family of three approaches me register and the father places ice cream bars on the counter.)

    Father: “Just these please.”

    Me: “All right, was there anything else you needed?”

    Mother: “No, thanks.”

    Boy: “Mommy! Can I have this?”

    (The boy, about four, proceeds to show her a container of sliced fruit that we have.)

    Mother: “Nuh-uh, put that back. You’re not getting that.”

    Boy: “But Mommy! It’s delicious! I’ll eat it!”

    Mother: “Put that back now! You have to eat your ice cream bar first!”

    (The boy continues to beg for the cup of fruit until he’s forced to leave the store with his ice cream bar.)

    Smut And Sin, Just Don’t Show Skin

    | British Columbia, Canada | Religion, Rude & Risque, Top

    (We sell a variety of different magazines. The very back row is where the smut magazines are kept. Note that I’m a 16-year-old girl and very uninterested in that sort of thing.)

    Customer: “Do you know if you only sell Playboy magazines, or do you sell Playgirl magazines as well?”

    Me: “I have no idea, ma’am. I don’t, uh, pay much attention to the back row.”

    Customer: “Why? Do scantily clad girls offend you and your religion?”

    Me: “No, ma’am. I’m actually not really religious. I’m just not into that sort of thing.”

    Customer: “What do you mean you’re not religious? Don’t you know that Jesus died on the cross for your sins?”

    Me: “Ma’am, I don’t want to get into a debate about religion. I just want to help you find what you’re looking for–”

    Customer: “You’re a sinner! You sin and sell smut magazines!”

    Me: *confused* “Ma’am, weren’t you looking for Playgirl magazines?”

    (The customer turns beet red, storms out of the store, hops into her car, and drives away.)

    Wake Up And Sell The Coffee, Part 2

    | Riverside, CA, USA | Food & Drink

    (I’m ringing up customers when I suddenly have a severe allergic reaction to something I ate on my break twenty minutes ago. By severe reaction, I mean my entire body is quickly becoming covered in hives in the span of about 30 seconds.)

    Customer: “Hey, can you hurry up? I’m kind of in a hurry.”

    Me: “Sorry, I think I’m gonna have to get someone else to finish
    helping you.”

    Customer: “No! I’m late and I need you to finish ringing me up right now!”

    Me: “Uhh…” *passes out*

    (As I am coming to, I can hear the customer still yelling.)

    Customer: “No, you can’t help me! I know he’s faking it and I’m not leaving until he rings me up!”

    Related:
    Wake Up And Sell The Coffee


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