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    A Hold Has Been Placed On Your Intelligence

    | Worcester, MA, USA | Money

    (I am the manager at a gas station. I am smoking a cigarette outside soon after Christmas when a customer walks up to me.)

    Customer: “Are you the manager?”

    Me: “Um, yes, what can I do for you?”

    Customer: “I came here the other night and your cashier said my gift card came back declined but I have the printout saying he charged me!”

    (I look at the printout, and it clearly says “pending”.

    Me: “Well, sir, if you look at the statement, it says pending. This means the money you tried to run your card for has been held and will take a few days to clear.”

    Customer: “Why did you charge me $25? She said it had been declined! When am I going to get my money back?!”

    Me: “You weren’t charged, sir. The money is on hold. It will take a few more days to clear out.”

    Customer: “I want my money back! You will give me my money!”

    Me: “I’m not giving you your money back because I never took it in the first place. Have you ever tried running a debit card at the pump?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “And you know how the bank puts a hold on your account for a certain amount of money?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “Well, it’s exactly like that, except instead of the bank, it’s the gift card company.”

    Customer: “No, it’s not! It says here that I was charged at this location!”

    Me: “Sir, if you give it a few days you will get your money back after they release the hold. Trust me, I’ve seen this happen a lot before.”

    Customer: “Fine. But if I don’t get my money back, I’m coming back here!”

    Full Of Hot Gas

    | Winnipeg, MB, Canada |

    (This gas station is in an upper class neighborhood, and the people who stop by often complain about the most arbitrary things. I’m filling this customer’s car when this happens.)

    Customer: “Why does it smell like gas out here?”

    Me: “Well, we are at a gas station.”

    Customer: “I know, but it shouldn’t smell like gas!”

    I Become Employee, Destroyer Of Air Pumps

    | Australia |

    (A customer comes into the store part of the petrol station after unsuccessfully trying to inflate his tires with our air pump that was labelled as being out of order.)

    Customer: “I can’t inflate my tires.”

    Me: “Sorry about that. The air pump is broken at the moment, and we’re waiting on the technician to repair it next week.”

    Customer: “This is outrageous! I need to inflate my tires!”

    Me: “Sorry, there’s not a lot I can do. We have small cans of air, but they’re quite expensive and are only meant for emergencies.”

    Customer: “This is the third station in this area I’ve been to today with a faulty pump!”

    (Suddenly, the customer narrows his eyes at me.)

    Customer: “This can’t be a coincidence.”

    Me: “Wait, are you saying I sabotaged not only our own pump, but the air pumps at several competing petrol stations as well?”

    Customer: “You must be doing something. This is outrageous!”

    Ignorance Really Is Bliss

    | Kalamazoo, MI, USA |

    (This happens at the end of the transaction, which up to this point had gone perfectly normally. The customer has paid in cash, with 40-some-odd cents in change.)

    Me: “There’s your receipt sir. Would you like to donate your change to the Children’s Miracle Network today?”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: “Well, if someone has less than 50 cents in change back, I usually ask them if they would like to donate their change.”

    Customer: “Donate?”

    Me: “Yes, our company exclusively supports the Children’s Miracle Network. At every store, we have donation jars like this red one. We collect change for the Children’s Miracle Network.”

    Customer: “What’s that?”

    Me: “The CMN? It’s a non-profit that helps sick kids find hospitals and treatment.”

    Customer: “Sick kids?”

    Me: “Yes, if a child is terminally ill or sick with a rare disease, the CMN will help them find treatments and even help with bills and such.”

    Customer: “There ain’t no sick kids!”

    Me: *confused* “Yes sir, plenty of kids are diagnosed with illnesses like cancer or other diseases.”

    Customer: “Why are you doing this!?”

    Me: “I’m sorry? Why am I doing what?”

    Customer: “Lying to me! I don’t wanna hear about no sick kids! I gotta go to work! All I wanted was to buy my coffee! I didn’t want no guilt trip! Let me see your manager!”

    (My manager had already heard the ruckus as she was crouched behind the counter collecting checks from the safe.)

    Manager: “Yes, sir, how may I help you?”

    Customer: “I just want my coffee! I don’t understand about these sick kids! Why did she tell me about the kids?”

    Manager: “Are you confused about the CMN sir? I actually have some brochures in the back that talk about their non-profit services.”

    Customer: *throws hands in the air* “Argh! There ain’t no sick kids! Shut up about the sick kids! I don’t understand!”

    (The customer storms out with his coffee, leaving me holding his change in my hand.)

    Manager: “It’s nice when the customers want to donate their change. Really gives them a good feeling, you know?”

    Me: *drops customer’s change in jar* “Yes, ma’am.”

    Thou Shalt Remain Loyal To Employer

    | Fort Worth, TX, USA |

    Customer: “Your prices are outrageous!”

    Me: “I know. I, myself, prefer to fill up somewhere cheaper.”

    Customer: “You should shop here, you know.”

    Me: “I buy some of my things here, but I always fill up somewhere cheaper.”

    Customer: “No, no, you should fill up and buy everything here! Otherwise, you’ll go to hell.”

    Me: “Uh, I really don’t think God will mind too much if I don’t buy everything from here.”

    Customer: “You’d better be sure. I wouldn’t want you to go to hell.”

    Me: “Oh, uh, thanks, I guess?”

    Customer: “I don’t want any d*** gas station attendants filling up my hell just because they didn’t fill up at their own store.”


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