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    All Roads Lead To Wrong

    | Worcester, MA, USA | Geography

    Customer: “How long until we get to Virginia?”

    Me: “You’re headed north to Boston, ma’am. Virginia is in the opposite direction.”

    Customer: “What?!”

    Me: “You’re headed to Boston, ma’am. You need to turn around.”

    Customer: “I knew we got on the wrong way back in New York!”

    You’re A Fine One To Talk

    | New Zealand | Bizarre

    (A customer comes in to pay for her gas.)

    Me: “Hello! Is it just the fuel today?”

    Customer: “Just tell me where to swipe my EFTPOS card.”

    Me: *points* “Just there, ma’am.”

    Customer: *swipes card and enters PIN number*

    Me: “Uh…that’s the wrong pin number. Sorry, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Well, maybe if you weren’t yabbering away like an air-headed lunatic I could have concentrated and got it right!”

    Me: “I’m sorry! If you wouldn’t mind just re-entering your pin, please?”

    (Suddenly, the customer turns around to the other customers behind her and throws her hands in the air.)

    Customer: “And she’s still talking! GAWD, woman!”

    A Hold Has Been Placed On Your Intelligence

    | Worcester, MA, USA | Money

    (I am the manager at a gas station. I am smoking a cigarette outside soon after Christmas when a customer walks up to me.)

    Customer: “Are you the manager?”

    Me: “Um, yes, what can I do for you?”

    Customer: “I came here the other night and your cashier said my gift card came back declined but I have the printout saying he charged me!”

    (I look at the printout, and it clearly says “pending”.

    Me: “Well, sir, if you look at the statement, it says pending. This means the money you tried to run your card for has been held and will take a few days to clear.”

    Customer: “Why did you charge me $25? She said it had been declined! When am I going to get my money back?!”

    Me: “You weren’t charged, sir. The money is on hold. It will take a few more days to clear out.”

    Customer: “I want my money back! You will give me my money!”

    Me: “I’m not giving you your money back because I never took it in the first place. Have you ever tried running a debit card at the pump?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “And you know how the bank puts a hold on your account for a certain amount of money?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “Well, it’s exactly like that, except instead of the bank, it’s the gift card company.”

    Customer: “No, it’s not! It says here that I was charged at this location!”

    Me: “Sir, if you give it a few days you will get your money back after they release the hold. Trust me, I’ve seen this happen a lot before.”

    Customer: “Fine. But if I don’t get my money back, I’m coming back here!”

    Full Of Hot Gas

    | Winnipeg, MB, Canada |

    (This gas station is in an upper class neighborhood, and the people who stop by often complain about the most arbitrary things. I’m filling this customer’s car when this happens.)

    Customer: “Why does it smell like gas out here?”

    Me: “Well, we are at a gas station.”

    Customer: “I know, but it shouldn’t smell like gas!”

    I Become Employee, Destroyer Of Air Pumps

    | Australia |

    (A customer comes into the store part of the petrol station after unsuccessfully trying to inflate his tires with our air pump that was labelled as being out of order.)

    Customer: “I can’t inflate my tires.”

    Me: “Sorry about that. The air pump is broken at the moment, and we’re waiting on the technician to repair it next week.”

    Customer: “This is outrageous! I need to inflate my tires!”

    Me: “Sorry, there’s not a lot I can do. We have small cans of air, but they’re quite expensive and are only meant for emergencies.”

    Customer: “This is the third station in this area I’ve been to today with a faulty pump!”

    (Suddenly, the customer narrows his eyes at me.)

    Customer: “This can’t be a coincidence.”

    Me: “Wait, are you saying I sabotaged not only our own pump, but the air pumps at several competing petrol stations as well?”

    Customer: “You must be doing something. This is outrageous!”


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