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    Another Darwin Awards Candidate, Part 2

    | Portland, OR, USA | Extra Stupid

    (Note: This occurs at the pump while the customer’s car is filling.)

    Customer: “Is it okay if I smoke here?”

    Me: “No.”

    Customer: “Are you sure? I heard the law changed.”

    Me: “No, because gas is still flammable.”

    Customer: “Oh, it is?”

    Related:
    Another Darwin Awards Candidate

    Your Argument Is Full Of Hot Air, Part 2

    | Cobourg, ON, Canada |

    (Note: I’m working alone at a gas station. It’s a pretty busy day, so even if I was allowed, I couldn’t pump somebody’s gas for them. This conversation happens with an older man who looks to be pretty well-off.)

    Me: “Hello, sir. Are you pump 6?”

    Customer: “Yes, I am! And You know, you should be ashamed of yourself! Somebody should be out pumping gas for these old ladies!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I’m here all alone and can’t really pump everybody’s gas for them.”

    Customer: “Well, you should tell your boss to hire someone to do it.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but this is a smaller gas station and my boss can’t really afford to hire someone to pump people’s gas for them, especially since most people pay at the pump.”

    Customer: “So you won’t tell them to?”

    Me: “I know they won’t do it, sir. They’d lose too much money that way.”

    Customer: “You know, it’s punks like you who don’t stand up to parliament. That’s why our taxes are so high! No wonder life’s so difficult!”

    Me: “Actually, sir, the way I see it I have food, shelter and clothing so I’m pretty good.”

    Customer: “It must be nice to have so much money! You don’t know what hard times are like!”

    Me: “Actually, sir, not too long before finding this job I was living on the streets. I have since been able to pull myself off the streets and now have hope for college.”

    Customer: “Yeah?! Well…how would you like it if someone kicked YOUR dog?!”

    Me: *speechless*

    Related:
    Your Argument Is Full Of Hot Air

    Weekend Roundup: Spelling Disasters

    , , , | Not Always Right | Language & Words, Roundups

    Spelling Disasters! This week, we share five stories of customers with spelling so bad, they need it spelled out for them!

    1. Their Spelling Is Wrong, But They Are Sticking To It:
      E is for Elmer’s Eskimos—you know, the ones that live in Eglues!
    2. It’s Spelled I-d-i-o-t:
      Welcome to Indiamimbindokiamn, Indiana. Population: Stupid!
    3. I Have Lost A Dream:
      A lost customer does battle with an abbreviation—and loses.
    4. Congra-duh-lations:
      Congra-du-lations, your cake’s spelling is a lie!
    5. Spelling Gone Rogue:
      Somehow, “going rouge” doesn’t have the same ring to it.

    PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!

    PS #2: Read more roundups here!

    Weekend Roundup: Attack Of The Tax!

    , , , , , | Not Always Right | Roundups

    Attack Of The Tax! Tax season may be over in the U.S., but what happens when you mix clueless customers and too-high taxes? A ca-tax-trophe, that’s what!

    1. War Can Be Taxing:
      The Revolutionary War of 2012: Founding Fathers doing revolutions in their graves due to a brainless populace!
    2. Taxation With Agitation:
      It’s like the Boston Tea Party…except in a gas station…in Tennessee…
    3. Bacon, Lettuce, and Taxes:
      We know that fast food customers will eat anything, but we never knew taxes could be tasty!
    4. Taxing Customers:
      However you add things up, this retail customer is minus a few brain cells.
    5. Fortunately, It’s Raining Pork Barrels And Earmarks:
      Wonder where your tax dollars go? To humongous, lake-covering umbrellas, of course!

    PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!

    PS #2: Read more roundups here!

    Your Argument Is Full Of Hot Air

    | Campbell, CA, USA |

    (Our gas station’s air pump is broken so we have taken both air hoses and put them under the cover they normally stick through. A customer drives up, give me his credit card, and starts to pump gas.)

    Customer: “Where are your air hoses?”

    Me: “The air pump is broken, so we don’t have the air hoses out.”

    Customer: “Okay.”

    (Despite what I said, the customer opens the air pump cover, pulls one of the hoses out, and goes over to his car tire and tries to put air in it. A few minutes later, he comes back to my booth.)

    Customer: “I think your air is broken. It’s deflating my tire!”

    Me: “Yes, as I said earlier, it’s broken. That’s why the hose was under the cover.”

    Customer: “Now my tire is almost flat! You are going to need to pay for a tow to another gas station.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I told you that the pump was broken. I also put the hoses under the cover. You decided to pull them out and try to use them anyway.”

    Customer: *yelling* “You should pay for my tow! If I ruin my rim driving to go get air I’m going to make you pay for it!”

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