The Deal Of His Life

| NJ, USA | Awesome Customers, Top, Wild & Unruly

(I am being served in a gas station, when a drunk customer approaches the clerk.)

Drunk Customer: “Do you sell beer?”

Clerk: “Of course, sir. Right over there.”

(The clerk starts to ring my up my purchases, but the drunk customer shoves them aside and drops a pair of six-packs on the counter.)

Clerk: “I, uh—”

(I nod for him to go ahead. Just then, the door opens behind me and four uniformed police officers come in. There are three police cars parked out front, and one of the cops is quite loudly talking into a radio.)

Drunk Customer: “Hey! You overcharged me. I saw you. Dirty Jew!”

Clerk: “I… um… I’m Irish Catholic.”

Cop: “Sir, do we need to—”

Clerk: “No, no, just let him—”

Drunk Customer: *turns around and faces me* “Yo, little lady! Don’t say a word of what you’re about to see. Got it?” *to clerk* “Y’know the guy who worked here before you? They threw him in jail for dealing heroin.”

Clerk: “Yes, um, I remember that.”

Drunk Man: “So, sell me some f***ing heroin!”

Clerk: “I, uh…” *he takes cover behind the counter*

Cop: “Okay, buddy, we need to-”

(The drunk customer pulls a gun from his pants. It’s small, orange-tipped, and says ‘SUPER FUN CAP GUN’ on the side. However, the cops can’t see it, and they draw their guns.)

Me: *to the cops* “It’s a toy! It’s a cap gun!”

(Hearing this, one cop quickly holsters his gun and tackles the man.)

Drunk Customer: *as he’s dragged away by the cops* “Yo, b****! I told you not to tell! We had a deal, we had a deal!”

(Fast forward some time, and note that both the drunk customer and I have some pretty unique and visible tattoos. I’m at a cafe.)

Waiter: “Excuse me, miss, but I have to ask, I think I recognize your tattoos.”

Me: *noticing his* “Gas station, four cops, cap gun?”

Waiter: “I never got to thank you for intervening on my behalf. I should have been shot that day.”

(We chat for a while. After the conversation, he tells me my meal’s on the house. Unfortunately for him, I’ve gotten the same thing I always do, so I leave the amount, plus a decent tip, anyway. As I’m leaving, he notices what I’ve done.)

Waiter: “Yo, b****! I told you not to pay! We had a deal!” *notices shocked patrons* “Uh, hope you enjoyed your coffee.”

Incheon Further Away From The Answer, Part 3

| New Bedford, MA, USA | Bigotry

(I work in a gas station in a predominately Hispanic and Portuguese neighborhood. I am half Korean and half European (mostly from Germanic countries), and I don’t speak a lick of Spanish or Portuguese.)

Hispanic Customer: *walks in and starts speaking to me in Spanish*

Me: “I’m sorry, what?”

Hispanic Customer: *looks annoyed and keeps speaking in Spanish*

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I don’t speak—”

(At this point, the customer becomes irate and begins yelling at me, first in Spanish, and then in English.)

Hispanic Customer: “Stupid b****! Don’t tell me you don’t speak no Spanish when you’re f****** Puerto Rican, stupid c***. Who the—”

Me: “I’m not Spanish.”

Hispanic Customer: *suddenly becomes meek* “Oh. You’re not?”

Me: “Not even close.”

Hispanic Customer: *blushes and mumbles* “Sorry. Could I use your bathroom?”

Me: “It’s right down that hall, sir.”

(He bolts into the bathroom, does his business, and runs out of the store looking embarrassed. At this point, my boss walks out of the office.)

Boss: “You don’t even look f***ing Spanish!”

Related:
Incheon Further Away From The Answer, Part 2

More Of A Dollar Half Full Kind Of Person

| OH, USA | Extra Stupid, Math & Science, Money

Me: “Okay, will that be all?”

Customer #1: “Yes, thanks.”

Me: “Do you have a [store] card?”

Customer #1: “Oh, I do!”

Me: “Alright, your total is $9.43.”

Customer #1: “Oh look, I even saved money!”

Customer #2: “How much?”

Me: “Umm, $0.60.”

Customer #2: “Ooh, that’s almost half a dollar!”

Causing A Storm

| West Point, NY, USA | Uncategorized

(The week after Hurricane Sandy, gas is rationed in several counties, including mine. I am a customer at a gas station on a military base. There are signs at every pump that say you must pay inside, 100% ID check, and ten gallon limit.)

Me: *to the clerk* “$20 on pump one, please.”

(As I say this, another customer storms inside.)

Customer: “Excuse me! Why won’t the stupid pump take my card? I’ve been out there for five minutes, I don’t have time for this!”

Clerk: “I’m very sorry. Pay-at-the-pump has been turned off until the gas shortage is over. I will be happy to process your transaction when I am finished helping this customer.”

Customer: *nearly pushes me* “No, I was here first! I need $75 on pump 5, hurry up!”

(The clerk finishes putting through my cash transaction and takes the customer’s credit card.)

Clerk: “There is a limit of ten gallons per customer, and I must see your military ID before I can process you.”

Customer: “What do you mean ten gallons?! I need to fill my car up! I have things to do today, and I don’t have my ID with me. It’s at home.”

Clerk: “I’m sorry. I cannot sell you gas today without it.”

Customer: “Listen you, my husband is a Colonel! I don’t have to take this from you. You will put $75 on my pump; I don’t have time for this!”

(A military police officer has been listening to the whole exchange and walks over. Note that he is a specialist—a low-rank enlisted.)

Military Police Officer: “Ma’am, these rules come down from the Base Commander. Please stop harassing the clerk, go get your ID, and come back.”

Lady: “You can’t tell me what to do, specialist! I’m going to call my husband right now; I’ll have your rank! You’ll be doing extra duty for the next year!”

Military Police Officer: “Actually, ma’am, I can tell you what to do. Why don’t we go talk about it at the MP Station? Your husband can come and pick you up from there.”

Editor’s note: Although this story tells the lighter side of things, the devastation caused by Sandy is very serious. Click here to visit FEMA’s dedicated Sandy page and learn how you can donate and volunteer.

Ring Me Up And Shut Me Down

| WA, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Workers, Top

(I’m grabbing a few sundries after filling my car up. The only other people in the store are a young girl at the register, and a customer she’s serving. I take no interest in them till I suddenly hear the customer screaming.)

Customer: “Get me your manager, now! You’ve worked your last shift at this place, you worthless b****!”

Cashier: “I certainly will ma’am, but I was merely—”

Customer: “No! Not another word! I am the customer; the manager will believe whatever I tell him. Now stop stalling and get him for me!”

(The cashier sighs and disappears into the backroom, returning with said manager a moment later.)

Manager: “Is there a problem, ma’am?”

Customer: “I’ll say there is! This incompetent s*** rang my gum up twice, and then laughed in my face when I told her to correct the error. I’m certain she rang all my other stuff up incorrectly as well. I demand you kick her out to the curb!”

Manager: “I see…” *to the cashier* “Is this true?”

Cashier: “Well, just the part about ringing up her gum twice. I apologized and fixed the error immediately.”

Customer: “Bulls***! You’re lying!”

Manager: “Could you bring the transaction up please?”

Customer: “She’s lying! She f***ing laughed in my face!”

Cashier: “Ma’am, I was only smiling. I promise.”

Manager: *checking the register screen* “Hmmm, and I see she did correct her error, and everything else was rung up properly.”

Customer: “FIRE HER!”

Manager: “Ma’am, may I ask you a question first? Namely, who are you?”

(She states full name, job title, company and the location of her office, which is a small brokerage firm in the nearby town.)

Manager: “Hmm, can’t say I’ve ever heard of them, or you. Nevertheless let me ask you this: why should I fire this girl, whom I’ve worked with for three years, has never missed a day without good reason, is always on time for her shift, and has been described by several of our regulars as one of the most courteous ladies they’ve ever met, over a simple mistake which, as I’m seeing here, she quickly corrected?”

Woman: “Wha? But… I… you… because I’m the customer!”

Manager: *nods* “Well, I’m sorry, ma’am, but I don’t see how that’s a valid reason to side with someone I don’t know from Adam, and thus lose a model employee whom I know to be perfectly trustworthy and respectful. Is there anything else we can help you with?”

(With that, the customer screams, shoves what’s on the counter at the manager and storms out.)

Manager: *to the cashier* “If I believed every windbag who came in here ranting incoherently, I’d never be able to hang onto any staff. I’ll be in my office if you need me again.” *disappears into the back*

Me: *stunned* “My God. That was awesome!”

Cashier: *beaming brightly* “Whole reason why I love my job!”

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