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    Pumped Up About Not Pumping Up

    | TN, USA | At The Checkout, Money

    (A customer is yelling and swearing at the new cashier, insisting that the amount of gas he put in his car wasn’t the amount he was charged. The cashier is getting a little frazzled.)

    Me: “Hey, what’s wrong?”

    Customer: “This d*** store gave me less gas than I paid for! The pump is wrong!”

    Me: “So, wait. You mean that you bought a pre-set amount of gas, pumped it, and you think the pump gave you the wrong amount?”

    Customer: “Yes! My tank should be full, and it’s not!”

    Me: “Sir, those gas pumps are federally regulated. I happen to know—for a fact—that you actually get slightly more than you pay for, just so this sort of thing doesn’t happen.”

    Customer: “That’s stupid; this is none of your business, b****!”

    (He turns to the cashier.)

    Customer: “I want to speak to your manager!”

    Cashier: “Sir, he’s in Puerto Rico.”

    Customer: “Well, I need to talk to him now!”

    Cashier: “From Puerto Rico?”

    Customer: “Yes, you d*** b****!”

    Me: “[Cashier], don’t call him.”

    Customer: “What the h*** do you think you’re doing? I said call him!”

    Me: “Well, sir, she could call him. But I really doubt he’d be willing to help you after you cussed out his employee and his daughter.”

    (The customer storms out and returns a few minutes later. I’m about to threaten to call the police, when he passes the cashier a $20 bill.)

    Customer: “I, uh, forgot to pump it, sorry.”

    The Regular Is Very Regular

    | Armstrong, BC, Canada | Health & Body

    (One of our regular customers is a man in his 60s. He comes in every day for cigarettes or coffee.)

    Regular: “I need to use your bathroom.”

    Me: “Sure, no problem.”

    (He heads to the back and enters the bathroom. I help some customers. A few minutes later he comes out.)

    Regular: “You know, I had to go poo. I guess I wasn’t quite fast enough; I pulled down my pants and it just came out. I got half of it in my underwear, and caught some in my hands.”

    (There is a long, awfully awkward silence between my coworker and I.)

    Regular: “Well, I’ll see you later!

    (He leaves.)

    Coworker: “Don’t worry about cleaning the bathroom; you’re new. I’ll do it.”

    (My coworker goes to clean the bathroom; I can hear him moaning.)

    Coworker: “Eww! He got his mess in the sink! How could he do that? The sink is FOUR FEET away from the toilet!”

    He Who Melt It, Dealt It

    | NM, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Wild & Unruly

    (It is over 90 degrees outside. A customer comes in to buy an ice cream. He then goes into the bar across the road, and returns over an hour later.)

    Customer: “I need to exchange this ice cream.”

    Me: “Why?”

    Customer: “I just bought it a minute ago, and it’s melted!”

    Me: “You were here over an hour ago. I can’t exchange it for you.”

    Customer: “You d*** well better exchange it! It wasn’t melted when I bought it! It’s not my fault I left it in my car when I went to the bar!”

    Me: “I’m sorry. I can’t exchange it for you; it’s not our fault.”

    Customer: “I just bought it! Give me my d*** money! You know what? I have an even better idea!”

    (The customer slams the melted ice cream on the counter, and grabs a new one from the cooler.)

    Customer: “Give me a f****** bag that will prevent this from melting!”

    Me: “It’ll be [price] for the ice cream, and I don’t think those exist.”

    Customer: “I’m not paying for this! You are f****** giving it to me for free, b****!”

    Me: “Not happening. I’ll be more then happy to call the owner for you.”

    Customer: “Get his fat ugly a** down here! I’ll have you fired for this!”

    (I step back to call for the owner.)

    Me: “DAD!”

    (My 6’3″, 300-pound dad walks out from the back room.)

    Dad: “What’s the problem?”

    Customer: * grabs the melted ice cream and runs out of the door*

    Hoodlums Get Hoodwinked

    | USA | Bad Behavior

    (I’m working the night shift. The only customers are a couple in their late-teens or early twenties. While they’re browsing the shelves a couple of younger teenagers walk in with sagging pants and sideways hats, swearing loudly.)

    Teen #1: “Yo, motherf***er! Look at this piece of s*** they call a f***ing cheeseburger.”

    Teen #2: “That’s f***ing f***ed up, bro!”

    (They continue this until the girl walks up and taps one of them on the shoulder.)

    Girl: “Hey, sweetie. Remember me?”

    Teen #1: “I bet I f***ed you all night long and you’ve come back for more, b****.”

    Girl: *laughing* “Not quite. I graduated from [local high school] with your sister last year. I remember you when you were in diapers.”

    Teen #1: “I ain’t wearing no f***ing diapers no more.”

    Girl: “Yeah, but you still act like it.”

    (She then proceeds to pull his pants up and turn his hat right. While she’s doing this a pack of cigarettes falls from his hoodie, which she takes.)

    Girl: “I bet your mom would love to hear about this. I’ll be sure to inform her when I see you guys at mass tomorrow.”

    Teen #1: *goes pale and flees with Teen #2 from the store*

    Thankful For Thank Yous

    | New York, USA | Awesome Customers, Theme Of The Month

    Me: “Hi, can you please fill it up with regular?”

    Employee: “Sure, no prob—Wait!”

    Me: “Is there a problem with my card? Can I use my debit card instead?”

    Employee: “No, no! The card’s fine! You’re the nice customer!”

    Me: “…I’m sorry. I don’t know what you’re referring to.”

    Employee: “You were filling up your gas tank earlier this month. It was my first week of training and I was trying to figure out the machines because I used to work at a station where we brought credit cards inside to be processed. This crazy lady started screaming at me because she got charged for premium gas and she didn’t want it. Then your credit card didn’t work because I forgot to hit some buttons or something. While she spent 10 minutes screaming at me, you waited there patiently without screaming at me or trying to get my attention. It was only after she left that I realized your car hadn’t been filled yet. You didn’t say anything mean; you just smiled and told me not to worry about it.”

    Me: “Oh yeah… I remember that lady. Boy, wasn’t she a bundle of joy to be around? Has she been back since?”

    Employee: “Maybe? Well, I told my coworker Eddie about you and he said you’re the only customer who consistently is polite and says “Please” and “Thank you” and you’re the only who treats us as equal human beings! Thank you for that!”

    Me: “Wow… well, you’re welcome. Just try to avoid crazy customers! Stay warm!”

    Employee: “Seriously, thank you! You have no idea how nice it is!”

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