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    Rage Against The Rage Against The Machine

    | TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Technology

    (I’m one of the customers in this story and am shopping at a well-know Texan gas station after work. In addition to walking in to prepay for my gas, I also pick up a snack item and an ICEE for me to eat on my back home. However, as I walking to one of the three or four ICEE machines I hear:)

    ICEE Machine: “Please place the lid on your cup before dispensing your ICEE. Please place the lid on your cup before dispensing your ICEE.”

    (This causes me to take a step back and blink before laughing, knowing some fool must have made a mess before. However, I do as the machine instructs and head over to the cashier, still shaking my head.)

    Cashier: *scanning my items* “Is this going to be everything?”

    Me: “Actually, I need [amount] on [pump].”

    (The cashier brings up my car to make sure I have the right number. Before I can continue we hear another customer at the ICEE machine.)

    Other Customer: “F***! Your machine is broken! It sprayed this s*** all over me!”

    (He comes around the corner, wearing his ICEE and holding – you guessed it – the cup without the lid on it. I let the cashier fix the idiot’s problem, but then hear:)

    Customer: “You should put a fucking out-of-order sign on that they all spray -” *he notices I have an ICEE cup that’s filled to the top of the lid* “Which machine did you get that from?!”

    (I point to the one I used.)

    Customer: “THAT’S THE ONE I USED! ALL IT DID WAS SPRAY AND DUMP IT ALL OVER THE SIDE OF MY CUP!”

    (At this point I had enough of his stupidity and decide to shut him up with showing him up. I walk over to the machine. It, like last time, gave out the direction to put the lid on before dispensing.)

    Me: *mockingly* “Oh, ‘Please place the lid on your cup before dispensing your ICEE.’ Gee, I guess I should do that; no telling what could happen if I don’t.”

    (I look back and dispense a color ICEE that matches the mess that was left on the cup he’s now tossed without a problem.)

    Me: “Wow! That was so nice and easy, and I don’t have any mess on me!”

    (At this point the customer is now cherry red and stammering.)

    Other Customer: “Uhhh… umm… bu…”

    (He then takes his leave before causing any more problems. At the same time, the cashier was back at the counter with another employee.)

    Me: “Sorry about that. Though, I guess I’ll buy two ICEEs.”

    Other Employee: “No, you won’t. Your total is [half of the amount I asked for my gas]”

    Me: “Uhhh… but that’s not even what I asked for gas.”

    Other Employee: “After what you did for us, let us help you.”

    (Turned out the other employee was the shift manager and he basically let me walk out only paying $20 for a full tank of gas, 2 ICEEs, and my snack.)

    Should Pre-Pray For A Good Pre-Pay

    | Dallas, TX, USA | Crazy Requests, Transportation

    (All of the pumps at our gas station are self-serve, and have large white 6″x6″ signs adhered to them, with large red block lettering that reads, “PLEASE PREPAY OR PAY AT THE PUMP.” I’m focusing on some paperwork when I hear banging on the window.)

    Customer: “TURN ON THE PUMP!” *pointing at her red oversized truck*

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but you are at a prepay pump. You will need to prepay, pay at the pump, or leave a driver’s license before you can pump your gas.”

    Customer: “I don’t have to do any of that!”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, I’m afraid you do. It wouldn’t be fair to our other customers if I just let you pump without paying or leaving a license first.”

    Customer: “There is a list of people who don’t have to prepay or leave anything!”

    Me: *looking for said list inside the fresh box of hell that surrounds me* “Ma’am, the only list we have is of bad check writers, and I’m sure you don’t want your name on that one.”

    (Customer stomps back to her truck. I go back to my paperwork. About two minutes pass and I look out to see the same customer jumping up and down in front of everyone, screaming rhythmically…)

    Customer: “TURN! ON! THE PUMP! TURN! ON! THE PUMP! TURN! ON! THE PUMP!”

    Me: *through the intercom* “Ma’am, you are at a prepay pump. You can either prepay, pay at the pump, or leave a driver’s license before you can pump your gas.”

    (Customer gets in her truck and peels out from the pump, to the main store across the parking lot, narrowly missing three other cars and a pedestrian, and then parks in the fire lane, directly in front of the main doors. The phone rings; it’s the manager from the main store.)

    Manager: “Is there a list of people who don’t have to prepay or leave a driver’s license in there?”

    Me: “No, sir. Just a list of bad check writers.”

    Manager: “That’s what I thought. Thank you.” *hangs up*

    (From across the parking lot, I see this customer exit the store just steaming. She gets back into her truck, and again peels out of the parking lot, again barely missing passing cars and pedestrians.)

    See Three, P’d Off

    | Singapore | Transportation

    Me: “Hello, sir! Which pump are you at?”

    Customer: “The van.”

    (I glance outside. Our station has a total of four pumps; three of them are occupied by vans. I glance back to the customer, confused.)

    Customer: “The van!” *gestures angrily* “How many vans are there outside?!”

    (I glance outside again, then back to the customer.)

    Me: “…Three?”

    Beaver Believer

    | CO, USA | Bizarre, Rude & Risque

    (I work in a highway station in the Colorado mountains, and get a lot of tourists. A gentleman comes in wearing a joke souvenir shirt from Beaver, UT that says ‘I <3 Beaver.’ He grabs a Colorado shirt and approaches the register.)

    Him: “I have to change. A guy just came up to me in another store and say ‘Hey, me, too’!”

    Wish You Could Wash Your Hands Of This Customer

    | Finland | Extra Stupid, Technology, Transportation

    (It’s late in the evening. It’s quite busy, so we have both registers open. A middle-aged lady is next in my line.)

    Customer #1: “I’d like to wash my car.”

    Me: “What kind of wash would you need today?”

    Customer #1: “I don’t know… What would you recommend?”

    (I recommend her the basic carwash with wax, and she pays for it. I hand her the receipt with a code you need to enter in order to get into the carwash.)

    Customer #1: “So, who is going to take my car to the carwash? I’ve never done it; my husband has always done it for me.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but at this moment there is no-one to take your car. You need to do it yourself.”

    Customer #1: “But I’ve never done it before! What do I have to do?! Why can’t you do it?”

    (There is a line for my register, and even a longer one for my coworker.)

    Me: “I’m really sorry but there is no-one who could do it at the moment. But it’s not hard at all! You just drive to the other side of the building. There are two washing units. Just choose which ever you like. Before you drive inside, you need to turn your side mirrors and take the radio antenna off. Then just enter this code right here on the keypad, drive in, stop when the light is red and just wait until the wash is over.”

    Customer #1: “But… but… Is there really no-one to do this? Oh, this is all so hard! My husband has always done this!”

    Me: *giving up* “How about this? You drive to the other side of the building and I’ll come over there and show you how it’s done? I’ll just serve these customers quickly.”

    Customer #1: “Oh, yes, please!”

    (She leaves. I serve the other customers waiting in the line. The man who was right after the lady shouts to me from the door:)

    Customer #2: “Oh, boy! The lady who you just served? She’s trying to get into the carwash from the wrong side of the building!”

    (I go outside, and there she is, looking really confused.)

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, but you need to drive to the other side of the building. Just let me first take care of those mirrors and the antenna.”

    (The customer is looking even more confused as I hand her the antenna. She drives to the other side of the building and parks in front of the washing unit.)

    Me: “Okay. So, could you please hand me the receipt with the code? You just enter this code on the keypad. Then you drive inside—”

    Customer #1: *cuts me off* “How do I know when to stop? Oh, this is so hard!”

    Me: “You stop when the light over there turns red. Then you stop your engine, put on the handbrake, and just wait. When the wash is over, the other door will open. When the light turns back to green, you can drive out. Remember to turn your mirrors back to normal position when you are done.”

    Customer #1: “Oh, thank you! I’ve never done this! I hope I do everything right!”

    (I watch as the customer drives in and make sure the wash starts correctly. I return to the register. About ten minutes passes, long enough for the wash to end.)

    Customer #1: “Oh, I don’t know what happened to my car! I came out of the wash and now all the turn signals on my car are flashing! What did the wash do to my car!”

    Me: “You must have pressed the button for emergency signal by accident. Just press the button again and it’ll be fine.”

    Customer #1: “NO! I have not pressed anything! It’s the wash! It did something to my car!”

    Me: “Let me come and take a look.”

    (We go outside, and to no surprise, she has pressed the button. I press it again and the flashing stops.)

    Customer #1: “I don’t understand! Why did it do like that?! I have not pressed any buttons!”

    Me: “I don’t know. Strange. Well, it’s fixed now. Have a nice evening!”

    (I went back inside and told my coworker what just happened. She was just as confused as I was.)

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