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    A Pal-Tree Understanding Of Plants

    | Oakville, ON, Canada | Bizarre, Extra Stupid, Top

    (A customer walks up with a dead, five foot tall maple sapling at the garden center where I work. It has been cut with a handsaw and has obviously been dead for a least three or four months.)

    Customer: “I want a refund! You sold me this tree last summer, but in November the leaves all turned yellow, dried out, and fell off. I want a refund!”

    Me: “So, in autumn your tree lost its leaves?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “Sir, broad leaf trees in Canada like this do lose their leaves in the fall and then grow back in the spring. Your tree was just dormant for the winter.”

    Customer: “But after the leaves all fell off, I put it in the garage! Now it’s spring, and the leaves aren’t growing back, so it must be defective. I want a refund NOW!”

    Me: “When you put your tree into your garage in the fall, how did you get it in there?”

    Customer: “I cut it!”

    Me: “So, you cut it down and now you want a refund because it’s dead?”

    Customer: “I want to speak to the owner!”

    (I call the owner, who is a hard-nosed woman in her sixties.)

    Owner: “What seems to be the problem sir?”

    Customer: “Yeah, this tree you sold me last year is dead. I want a refund.”

    Owner: “Was it alive before you put a saw to it?”

    Customer: “Well, it was, and then in November all of the leaves turned yellow and fell off, so I cut it and put it in my garage. Now I want a refund!”

    Owner: “Get out of here!”

    (Jack) Bauer-style Flowers

    | New Jersey, USA | Crazy Requests, Top

    (I work at a retail greenhouse and we have had a severe rainstorm. Several shingles came crashing through the glass roof. My coworkers and I are waiting in the shed until the boss shows up. We are stopping people from entering the store.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry. You can’t go in there.”

    Customer: “What? I just need to buy this flat of petunias.”

    Me: “I understand, but the roof is shattering in there. It’s not safe.”

    Customer: “You can’t stop me from going in. I risked my life driving here to get these petunias. I’m going in.”

    (She goes in the store, where glass is still shattering. We can see her through the glass doors waiting at the register. After a minute she comes out furious.)

    Customer: “Which one of you is the cashier? Can’t you see I’m waiting to pay?!”

    Me: “Ma’am, we can’t go back in. The roof is shattering and it is dangerous.”

    Customer: “You’re all a bunch of wimps! I risked my life getting here. I need to buy these petunias!”

    Build Up Of Hot Air

    | Wellington, New Zealand | Math & Science

    (Our store is mostly outdoors, but it has a small greenhouse where cafe customers often sit and have coffee.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, I would like to sit in the greenhouse. Could you open a vent for me?”

    Me: “Actually, when it’s windy like today it rattles a lot when the doors are open, so you might be more comfortable with them closed.”

    Customer: “But we can’t sit in there without ventilation. What about the greenhouse gas?!”

    Me: “Sorry?”

    Customer: “Greenhouse gas! Like global warming! You can’t let people sit in there if you’re letting the greenhouse gas build up!”

    You Got The Wrong(est) Item, Part 3

    | Canada |

    Me: “Good afternoon, how can I help you?”

    Caller: “Can you tell me if you carry Chlamydia?”

    Me: *long pause* “Um… I’m sorry, is this a plant you are looking for?”

    Caller: “Yes! The pink one. You know, Chlamydia!”

    Me: “Do you mean Cyclamen?”

    Caller: “Yeah! Cyclamen, Chlamydia, they’re all the same thing. So, do you have anyone there that can give me some Chlamydia?”

    Related:
    You Got The Wrong(est) Item, Part 2
    You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 3
    You Got The Wrong(est) Item
    You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 2
    You Got The Wrong(est) Number

    Product May Require A Certain Level Of Manurity

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada |

    (A customer lifts bag of steer manure onto the counter.)

    Customer: “I’ve got a question. What makes steer manure different from mushroom manure?”

    Me: “Well, steer manure is made from the droppings of–”

    Customer: “Wait. You said droppings? As in waste?”

    Me: “Yes. Manure is made from decomposed waste.”

    Customer: “So…What exactly is a steer?”

    Me: “It’s just another name for a cow.”

    Customer: “So steer manure is…oh, God. Oh, God!” *leaves without buying the manure*


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