Not Mature About Manure

| Canada | Crazy Requests, Rude & Risque

(I work in a store that sells gardening supplies and fertilizer. A customer calls our store.)

Me: “Hello! [Store], how may I help you today?”

Customer: “This may sound odd, but do you do… special orders?”

Me: “Yes, sir, what are you looking for exactly?”

Customer: “You see, my neighbour’s f******g kid decided to take a dump on my lawn as a prank, so I was wondering, do you… happen to make fertilizer out of human waste?”

(Thinking it was a prank, I decided to end the call.)

Me: “…No, sir. Have a good day.”

(30 seconds later, he calls back.)

Me: “Hello! [Store], how may I assist you today?”

Customer: “Hey, remember me? I wasn’t kidding about that thing.”

Me: “I am so sorry—”

Customer: “Listen, you b***! I need sweet revenge on this kid! He has been bothering me FOR MONTHS! Just make that s*** fertilizer and send it to his door for a ‘nice’ surprise. I need a good laugh.”

Me: “Sir, I do not appreciate you using a vulgar term, and NO, we will not even consider your request! Stop being an a** and don’t call back again!”

A True Basket Case

| IN, USA | Uncategorized

(I’m a cashier. I’m currently ringing up a customer that’s attending a small child, maybe four or five years old.)

Me: “You know these are buy one, get one free? Would you like to go back and get another one?”

Customer #1: *sighs loudly* “Oh, s***.” *sighs again* “Could you get it for me?”

Me: “I’m sorry, it’s crazy today and there’s no way we could leave the registers. If you like, I can give you the discount, you can check out, and then go back and get another?”

Customer #1: *sigh* “Is there anyone who could get me another one?”

Me: *a little taken aback* “I’m really sorry, ma’am, but we are all really busy and there’s no one free.”

Customer #1: *silence*

Me: “Did you want to check out and then get another?”

Customer #1: *yelling* “You know what? Forget it! My friend told me she had horrible customer service here, too. I don’t want another one!”

Me: “…are you sure?”

Customer #1: “YES!”

Me: “All right, then.”

(As I’m ringing her up, she continues to insult me and the business. A woman behind her says.)

Customer #2: “You don’t have to shop here, ma’am.”

Me: “All righty, here you go. Have a good one, ma’am.”

(The little boy with her speaks up. We have a playground on our property for the kids while the adults are shopping.)

Little Boy: “Can we go to the playground?”

Customer #1: “NO! We’re not going to this playground. We’re going to find another playground.”

(The boy immediately throws a huge tantrum, screaming and all. Nobody pays him any attention, looks at them strangely, or does much of anything. The woman looks at everyone and screams:)

Customer #1: “HE’S DISABLED!!!!!”

Customer #2: “Nobody said anything. I think you need an attitude adjustment!”

(The woman grumbles and leaves. Later I find out from my coworker that the customer came up to her in the parking lot, told her that she got terrible service, and showed her the receipt with my name on it.)

Coworker: “I was confused, because she said that the cashier was very rude. I saw your name and thought, ‘you’re not rude!'”

(Several weeks later, the same customer shows up and just so happens to get into my line. This time, we’re selling cherries. We display them in small quart-sized wooden baskets. We dump the cherries into plastic grocery bags for weighing, and then reuse the wooden baskets to display more produce. The woman has brought some cherries up to the register. I pour the cherries into a plastic bag.)

Customer #1: “I’d like to keep them in the basket.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we reuse the baskets. You can buy it for 50 cents.”

Customer #1: “UGH!” *turning to the other customers* THIS is why I don’t shop here! They just want to gouge you! They already overcharge you for everything and wanna charge you for this basket! I hate this place!”

Me: “Well, you don’t have to shop here, ma’am.”

Customer #1: “I KNOW!”

(All of the customers behind her were quite pleasant and stared at her in disbelief.)

Made A Good Call

| Chicago, IL, USA | Awesome Customers, Money, Technology, Top

(I’m a cashier, but we have the phones by us and answer all calls. A woman calls and is frantic; she’s lost her iPhone and explains what it looks like. It’s slow, so I go and hunt for it. I find it and call her back.)

Me: “Hi, it’s [My Name] from [Store]. I found your phone and have it with me up at the registers. Whenever you’d like to come in and pick it up will be fine.”

Customer: “Oh, my God! Thank you, thank you! I’ll be in soon to grab it!”

(About 20 minutes later, a customer comes in and approaches me.)

Customer: “Hi, I’m the lady who lost her phone. Pink case, with white polka dots.”

Me: “Yep, I’ve got it right here. It wasn’t any trouble really.”

Customer: “You’re the one who went and found it right? Thank you so much! Here take this!”

(She proceeds to put some money in my hand. I stammer and shake my head, but she insists.)

Customer: “I would’ve had to pay a lot more to replace the phone, and you were kind enough to find it and hold it for a klutz like me. I insist you take this and buy yourself something nice!”

(The customer then left, leaving me with a $40 tip that I used to buy sushi for my boyfriend and me!)

Not Worming Out Of This One

| CA, USA | Home Improvement, Pets & Animals

(I am on the phone with a customer.)

Customer: “What’s the best soil for my vegetable garden?”

Me: “[Brand] planting mix is an excellent soil for veggies. It’s all organic, and has chicken manure, kelp meal, and worm castings.”

Customer: “Worms? Like… worms?”

Me: “Earthworms, actually. Their castings… worm poop. It’s really good for the soil.”

Customer: “So the worms would be in my vegetables?”

Me: “No, it’s just their castings; they’ll be in the soil.”

Customer: “So when we eat the vegetables will there be worms?”

Me: “No… no worms, just their poop in the soil.”

Customer: “Yes, but will the worms be in our vegetables when we eat them?”

Me: “No… no worms.”

Customer: “Are you sure?”

Me: “Yes!”

Customer: “Ohhhhh kayyyyyyy.” *click!*

His Argument Isn’t Loaded

| Knoxville, TN, USA | Health & Body, Home Improvement, Top

(A customer buys 30 heavy bags of mulch; each weighs 40lbs. They’re already on a cart and just need to be loaded. The customer is a young man.)

Customer: “So, yeah, I’ll need you to load these for me. I just had shoulder surgery.”

Me: “Okay. Well, I can call someone—”

Customer: “No, don’t call someone, then I’ll have to wait! You can load them.”

Me: “Well, actually, I pulled a muscle in my back, and I’m not supposed to be lifting heavy things. I’ll call someone for you.”

Customer: “That’s bull! You d*** b****! You’re just lazy!”

(An elderly customer comes over.)

Elderly Customer: “Excuse me, sir! How dare you speak to a young lady like that, and demand she load your mulch? You should be ashamed of yourself!”

Customer: “F*** you! She’s just d*** lazy! I had shoulder surgery! This is ridiculous!”

Elderly Customer: “If you had shoulder surgery, how did you get all that mulch on the cart to start with?”

Customer: “Fine! I’ll load it my d*** self!”

(The customer storms off.)

Me: “Ma’am, you are my new favorite customer.”

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