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    Shoplift And Drag And Haul Away

    | Georgia, USA | Uncategorized

    (Furniture stores typically require the sales staff to discretely follow customers in order to be on hand if there are any questions.)

    Me: “Welcome to *** Furniture.¬†Do you see anything you like?”

    Customer: “What’s that supposed to mean? What, you think I’m gonna take something? I got money.¬†I ain’t gotta steal nothing from your store.”

    Me: “No, ma’am. I was just checking to see if you needed any help. I didn’t think you were trying to take anything.”

    Customer: “I ain’t no shoplifter. I said I got money. What, you think I’m gonna try to take something outta here?”

    Me:¬†”It’s a furniture store, ma’am. If you can fit a loveseat in your pocket, you’re welcome to it.”

    It’s Your Fault That It’s My Fault

    , | Braintree, MA, USA | Uncategorized

    (This customer shows up at the store to pick up two rugs she had supposedly ordered, but I am unable to find them.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I am having some trouble finding your rugs in the store. Did somebody give you a claim check or receipt when you bought the rugs?”

    Customer: “No I ordered them over the phone.”

    Manager: “Okay ma’am, we are going to need some proof of your purchase because we can’t find the rugs you ordered.”

    Customer: “WHAT? I don’t have time for this!”

    Manager: “I’m sorry, do you remember what day you ordered the rugs or who you spoke to?”

    Customer: “Oh, it was sometime last week. I don’t remember who I spoke to. Can’t you just get my rugs for me?”

    Manager: I’m sorry, ma’am, but we don’t have any records of you ever ordering rugs from us. If you could wait just a moment I could check the system again and see if anything comes up.”

    Customer: “I DON’T HAVE TIME FOR THIS!”

    Manager: “Okay, we’re going to go upstairs and check our records a final time.”

    Customer: *keeps yelling as we walk away*

    (As we search for her rugs, she leaves the store. A little while later, she calls the store back.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling, how may I help you?”

    Customer: “Hi! I called earlier about some rugs I ordered. I actually ordered them from another store. I’m surprised that you didn’t know that!”

    The Coddling Stops Here

    , | Phoenix, AZ, USA | Uncategorized

    (I’m at customer’s house to try and repair a desk…)

    Me: “Well, it can’t be repaired, so I’ll have to order a new desktop. It could be a couple of weeks.”

    Customer: “So you’re taking this one with you right?”

    Me: “No, I can’t fit it in my vehicle.”

    Customer: ¬†”So you’ll be back for it then?”

    Me: “No, we don’t do delivery; henceforth, we don’t do pickups, either.”

    Customer: “But I bought it from your store!”

    Me: “… and you took it home from my store.”

    Customer: “Yeah, and it barely fit in my SUV!”

    Me: “But it did fit, and you took it home with you.”

    Customer: “Well, you’re going to need to pick it up. I’m not bringing it all the way back.”

    Me: “Stay with me here: you bought it, picked it up, took it to your home and discovered it had a problem. Now you want to disavow all responsibility? That isn’t how it works. If you got a blender home and it didn’t work, would you call the store and tell them to come pick it up?”

    Customer: “…”

    Me: “You’re remodeling your home, not paying me to do it. Don’t forget what that Y stands for in DIY.”

    Customer: *sheepishly* “… can you help me put it in my car?”

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