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    Building A Bed, No Doubt

    | Baltimore, MD, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “Thank you for calling [furniture store]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I’m suing your company!”

    Me: “May I ask what the problem is?”

    Customer: “My son got into a car accident because he fell asleep at the wheel!”

    Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, ma’am, but why are you suing [furniture store]?

    Customer: “He fell asleep at the wheel because he stayed up all night assembling your furniture!”

    Marriage: The Ultimate Slippery Slope

    , | East Greenwich, RI, USA | Top

    (I work in the shipping and receiving department of a furniture store, where customers ring a bell so I can give them their box. We also have a loading dock for semi’s.)

    Outside: *BANG! BANG!*

    (Alarmed, I go to the loading dock where I see an E-class Mercedes sliding repeatedly down the icy incline and crashing into the building.)

    Me: “Sir! Sir! What are you doing?”

    Customer: “I’m trying to pick up my f***ing table! You call this customer pick-up?”

    Me: “No, Sir. We call this the loading dock. The customer service door is right over here.” *points at door*

    Customer: “F***! Would you come down here and help push my car up the grade while I floor it?”

    Me: “Sir, that incline is solid ice. If I slip or your car slides down, I could be killed. So, no, I won’t do that.”

    Customer: “Well, f*** you!”

    Me: “Okay, sir. Just ring this bell over here when you get out.”

    (After a few more minutes and several more crashing noises, the bell rings. I open the door and it’s the same customer standing outside.)

    Me: “Hello, sir. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “I need this.” *hands me slip*

    Me: “Okay, sir, I’ll have that ready right here for you. Would you like some help getting it into the car?”

    Customer: “F*** you!”

    (The customer takes the box by himself and attempts to fit box into his back seat but fails, as it’s filled with various items. He pulls out a child’s stroller and throws it across the road and into the woods, where it catches and hangs on a tree branch. He then proceeds to throw all other items in his car out onto road. The whole time, his wife is standing with me and watching.)

    Customer’s wife: “Here you go.” *gives me a $10 tip*

    Me: “Good luck with that guy.”

    Customer’s wife: “Yeah, thanks. He’s still got to put that table together!”

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic

    When Political Causes Collide

    , | Victoria, BC, Canada | Top

    Customer: “Excuse me, where is this table made? It’s not made in China, is it?”

    Me: “Yes, I do believe it’s made in China.”

    Customer: “I can’t believe you would sell things from China.”

    Me: “Well, we have a factory there that makes custom furnishings directly for us. I assure you they’re of the highest quality.”

    Customer: “Well, I can’t shop here! This is an outrage!

    Me: “I don’t see the problem…”

    Customer: “The problem is that they do animal testing in China!”

    Me: “Um, this is a table.”

    Customer: “They still do animal testing!”

    Me: “Well, I assure you no animals were harmed during the building of this table.”

    Customer: *storms out*

    Seek, And Ye Shall Find…Eventually

    , | Glasgow, Scotland | Uncategorized

    Customer: “Hi. Can I have a cappuccino please?”

    Me: “Uh …sorry ma’am, but you’re in a furniture store. We don’t sell coffee.”

    Customer: “I didn’t ask for coffee, I asked for a d**n cappuccino!”

    Me: “Well, we don’t sell those either.”

    Customer: *looking hurt* “Why not?”

    Me: “We sell furniture. Look around you….”

    Customer: *starts crying* “This is the fourth time this has happened on this street!” *runs out*

    (As it turns out, she’d gone into a clothing store, a pharmacy and a grocery store, just to find herself a cappuccino.)

    You Be Difficult, I’ll Be Ditzy

    , | Oklahoma City, OK, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “It’s a great day at [furniture store]! How can I direct your call?”

    Caller: “I want to talk to someone about my furniture.”

    Me: “Okay, is it just damaged, or did you want to set up a delivery?”

    Caller: “No. I just want to talk to someone about it.”

    Me: “Um… did you want to talk to your salesperson?”

    Caller: “No. Just someone in the dining department.”

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, but our floor isn’t separated into departments.”

    Caller: “I bought it about 2 years ago. I just want to talk about it.”

    Me: “Did you want to talk about it with a manager?”

    Caller: “No.”

    Me: *stops caring* “Well, I would LOVE to talk about with you! Is it pretty?!”

    Caller: “What?”

    Me: “Furniture is good! It’s where people sit!”

    Caller: *click*

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