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  • Try Wallmart

    | Queensland, Australia | Crazy Requests

    (I work in the kitchen department of a furniture store.)

    Customer: “This kitchen says $899.00. What do you get for that price?”

    Me: “Well, miss, that price covers kitchen cabinets, a bench top, legs and handles, but not the sink, tap or appliances.”

    Customer: “So, you get everything?”

    Me: “Everything except the sink, tap, and appliances.”

    Customer: “Oh, so you don’t get the sink, tap, or appliances, but everything else?”

    Me: “Yep, everything else in that kitchen.”

    Customer: “So, you get the wall?”

    Me: “No…the wall is not included.”

    Customer: “But it says everything except the sink, tap, and appliances. It doesn’t say you don’t get the wall.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I assure you, I am confident that I cannot sell you our wall.”

    Customer: “Are you sure? Can you check for me please? Can you just make sure because that’s not what it says.”

    Me: *speechless* “I’ll get my manager.”

    Manager: “No, ma’am, the walls are not included with the price of our kitchens. Otherwise, we could only sell four of them before we’d need to rebuild the entire store.”

    Stereotypes Are All The Same Anyway

    | El Paso, TX, USA | Top

    (I’m a customer and am looking at dining tables. I’m an obvious Muslim as I wear a hijab. Another customer sees me with my son in a stroller and walks over.)

    Another customer: “I thought you people couldn’t use electronics?”

    Me: “That’s the Amish. And a stroller isn’t electronic.”

    Another customer: “Oh…” *walks off*

    To Have And To Hold On To The Recliner

    | Milford, CT, USA |

    (I am about to sell a couple of recliners to a wife and her husband.)

    Me: “Alright, folks. I can go ring up those two recliners for you.”

    Wife: “Will they take our old recliner with them when they deliver the new one?”

    Me: “Well, they can move it to another room or bring it out to the curb free of charge. But if you want them to actually bring it with them, it’s a $50 charge. They have to make a separate trip to donate or dispose of it.”

    Husband: “$50? That’s ridiculous!”

    Wife: “Are you kidding? We don’t know anybody who will do it for us. If we hire someone, we’re never going to find someone to do it for less than $50.”

    Husband: “It’s $50!”

    Wife: “Did you not hear what I just said?”

    Husband: “Yeah, but I’m not paying $50 for them to take away our old chair.”

    Wife, to me: “Can you please excuse us for two minutes so we can have an argument?”

    (I walk away while they continue to fight. Sure enough, two minutes later, the wife calls me back over.)

    Wife: “Okay, we’re done arguing. We’ll pay the $50 for the haul away.”

    (The husband looks down at the floor and says nothing.)

    Related:
    To Have And To Hold On To The Remote

    Surely Knot Elastic

    | Sheffield, UK |

    Customer: “Do you make curtains to order?”

    Me: “Certainly. Do you have your measurements?”

    Customer: *pleased with his cleverness* “I couldn’t find a tape measure, so I used this piece of string. The width is from the end of the string to this knot.”

    Me: “Sir, this is a piece of elastic.”

    Customer: “So?”

    (He hands me the elastic string, which I proceed to stretch.)

    Me: “Is your window this wide, or this wide, or this wide?”

    Complaining To A Fault

    | Chester, England, UK |

    Customer: “I want a refund on my sofa!”

    Me: “I’m terribly sorry. What seems to be the problem with the sofa?”

    Customer: “I’m not happy!”

    Me: “I’m sorry you’re not happy. What seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “Well, I’m not happy with it.”

    Me: “I see. Why exactly is that?”

    Customer: “There is a manufacturing fault.”

    Me: “What is the fault, sir?”

    Customer: “I’m not happy!”

    Me: “I understand that, sir. What is the fault with the sofa?”

    Customer: “Well, I’m not happy!”

    Me: “With all due respect, ‘I’m not happy’ is not a manufacturing fault.”

    Customer: “Of course it is. It’s manufactured to make me happy! This sofa is not fit for purpose!”

    Me: “Can you sit on the sofa?”

    Customer: “Of course I can!”

    Me: “Then it is fit for purpose, sir.”

    Customer: “But I am not happy! There must be a manufacturing fault to make me not happy with it!”

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