Parting With Some Closing Comments

| NH, USA | Crazy Requests, Time

(I work at a well-known furniture franchise part time while attending college. Since I have classes during the day, I usually get stuck doing the closing shift. The store is supposed to close at nine – however, many nights, the office staff is stuck late due to the sales associates and their customers.)

Me: *over intercom at ten to nine* “Attention [Store] customers, the store will be closing in ten minutes. If you have any questions, please see your nearest sales associate. Thank you!”

(Ten minutes go by.)

Me: *over intercom* “Attention [Store] customers, the store is now closed. Please see your nearest sales associate if you have any further questions. Thank you!”

(45 minutes later, the customer and sales associate FINALLY get to the desk. Whilst finalizing the transaction, the customer makes this comment:)

Customer: “What time do you guys close?”

Me: “We close at 9.”

Customer: “Oh. But it’s 9:45.”

Me: “Yes, well, we have to stay open to serve customers.”

Customer: “Yeah… that announcement over the intercom is pretty rude. You guys shouldn’t do that.”

Me: *trying not to scream* “Well, I apologize if it reads that way. However, without the announcement, some customers will stay hours past closing to finish shopping.” *pointed stare at customer*

Customer: “Yeah, but who shops for furniture that late anyway? You shouldn’t make those announcements. They distract people.”

(She finished paying and left. I ended up having to stay until 10:15 to finish closing out the front desk, since everyone else already went home.)

Should Take Stock Of Your Complaint

| Seattle, WA, USA | Bad Behavior

(A customer calls multiple times to schedule her pick up. She is told by more than one manager, that she can’t come during the one hour she wants to come, because we don’t have stock support during that time, and there are certain items that only our stock crew are allowed to handle due to weight. She ends up showing up during this time anyway, with her husband in tow, thinking that it is okay since she brought him to help. I explain to her, AGAIN, the reasons we need to have our stock associates load her purchase, and she just stares at me blankly while shaking her head. At this point, I am more annoyed than anything, and I decide to just help my solo stock associate load the items, breaking company policy.)

Customer: “First you tell me that there aren’t enough people to load my purchase, and then you decide to load my items anyway. Clearly there are enough people; you just didn’t want to help.”

Customer’s Husband: *to his wife* “Go sit in the car. You don’t even work, you don’t understand how companies operate, and you have no idea what you’re talking about. These gentlemen are just trying to help you, and you are doing everything you can to be upset, no matter what they do.”

(After a moment’s silence, the customer walked off through the alleyway and down the street, hopefully never to be seen again.)

I Don’t Work Here Is Lost In Translation

| Midlands, England, UK | Bad Behavior, Bigotry

(I work in a department store, but am not employed by that company so I can’t handle their furniture or answer questions about it either. To help customers realise there is a difference, I tend to wear coloured clothes as the host store staff can only wear black. I’m currently cleaning a selection of finishes and the customer beckons me over.)

Customer: “Thank god we found someone. Now, we want something that is full wood. Nothing veneered and nothing of this chipboard rubbish. Do you have any?”

Me: “My company doesn’t do full wood pieces, only veneers. If you find any of the ladies or gents in black who are in charge of [Host Store]’s stock, they’ll be able to help you. I’m a rep from a different company so I don’t know their stock.”

Customer: “No.” *starts to slow her speech down* “Do you have any full wood pieces?”

Me: “Like I said, I don’t, but if you find one of the ladies or gents in black they may have some.”

Customer: *slowing down to the pace you’d use to teach babies new words now* “Dooo yoooou haaaave aaaanny fuuuuull woooooood piiiiieeeces?”

Me: “No. As I’ve said, my company doesn’t but [Host Store] may do.”

Customer: “You really don’t understand what I’m saying and you sound foreign!”

Me: “Eigentlich bin ich aus Deutschland, aber ich war in England angehoben. Ich versichere Ihnen, ich verstehe dich, aber ich kann nicht sagen, das Gefühl.” *Actually I am from Germany, but I was raised in England. I assure you I understand you, but I can’t say the feeling is mutual*

(With that the customer stormed off and I saw her repeating the whole thing again to one of the Host Store people.)

Un-American Idiots

| Italy | Bizarre, Musical Mayhem

(I work at a pretty popular furniture store. A girl and her friend come in. After looking around for a bit and giggling to themselves, the girls come up to me.)

Girl #1: “Hi. Yeah… we… like… we wanted to know… do you guys sell band members here?”

Me: “Sorry, what?”

Girl #1: “Yeah! Band members! Like, you know, people who are in bands and play music?”

Me: “Oh! No, we don’t really sell band posters, sorry.”

Girl #1: “No! Not posters! We want band members!”

Me: “What? You mean you want me to sell you the actual band members? As in the actual people who play in the band?”

Both Girls: “Yeah!”

Me: “I’m sorry… I don’t think we have any in stock, and we’re probably not going to get some anytime soon. Actually, I think no store will have what you’re looking for, girls.”

Girl #1: “Aw, really?”

Girl #2: “Come on… Are you sure? Not even clones?”

Me: “Yeah, I think the most you will find will be posters and band merchandise. With pictures of them, maybe, but not the actual people. I’m very sorry.”

Both Girls: “Aw… it’s okay; sorry for bothering you.”

(As they walk away, I overhear them talking.)

Girl #2: “Aw, I really wanted a Billie Joe Armstrong.”

Girl #1: “Yeah… I guess our best bet is asking Adrienne if she’s willing to share.”

Girl #2: “Yep, we should do it. I mean, it’s like… It’s not like I want to marry him or something. I just want to be his friend. and cuddle with him, and pet his hair. Don’t forget about petting his hair.”

Girl #1: “Same here! Hmm, you know what this means, right?”

Girl #2: “Yeah. Let’s ask her on both Twitter and Instagram until she finally answers.”

(My manager has heard everything, and comes over to me laughing. We’re both huge Green Day fans.)

Manager: “Oh, God… Were they… really?

Me: “Yeah.”

(My manager starts singing to the tune of the chorus of the song “Stray Heart”.)

Manager: “Everything that they want, they want from him, but they just can’t have him. Everything that they need, they need from therapy, but they won’t realize it.”

The Cat Is Out Of The Bag

| USA | Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals

(A customer is buying furniture to be delivered and assembled by our tech.)

Customer: “I have cats, so whoever you send over must not be allergic.”

Me: “No problem, ma’am.”

Customer: “Make sure he’s a vegetarian, too.”

Me: “Um…”

Customer: “He has to have brown hair, and an earring, but no tattoos. He needs to be good at sports.”

Me: “I don’t think we can do all that.”

Customer: “He needs to know a language other than English.”

Me: “You’re just kidding, right?”

Customer: “Yes. Just stick with the no cat allergy request.”

Me: “Alright then.”

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