I worked in a certain sandwich shop chain at my local mall food court for about eight years. (That was not the original career plan, but that’s how things worked out.) Generally speaking, our customers were great. But every so often, we’d get an individual with a unique outlook.

Customer: “I want a six-inch Italian sandwich.”

Me: “Sure thing. Would you like Italian bread?” 

Customer: “I want what comes with it.”

I cut a six-inch Italian roll and went to the next step, like the thousands of sandwiches I’d already made. 

Me: “Would you like lettuce and tomato?”

Customer: “I want what comes with it.” 

Me: “Sure, you can have any of these veggies on it. Would you like lettuce and tomato?”

Customer: “I just want what comes with it.”

Me: “Extra meat and cheese costs extra, but you can have whatever veggies you want. Would you like lettuce and tomato?”

Customer: “Just give me what comes with it.”

Me: “Sir, you can have whatever you want from here to here. Any of these things come with it. Only extra meat and cheese cost extra. Would you like lettuce and tomato?”

Customer: “All I want is what comes with it! Why are you doing this to me? Why is this so hard?”

At this point, I was at a loss for words. I was not trained to handle a customer who refused to take “You can have whatever you want” for an answer. Fortunately, my manager figured out what the customer wanted and stepped in.

Manager: “All right, sir. This is an Italian sandwich, so it comes with lettuce and tomato. It also comes with onions and olives. Then it comes with these meats and this cheese. Then we wrap it up. That will be [price of the sandwich].”

Customer: *Visibly relieved* “Thank you. That’s all I wanted. I’m sorry for losing my temper, but I have really bad hypertension right now. The doctor says I need to avoid stress or I might have a heart attack.”

We never saw him again, but I truly hope he recovered to the point where he wasn’t in danger of having a heart attack from ordering a sandwich.

I’m at a convention with some friends. We’re eating in the food court when a guy comes up to us.

Guy: “Hey, I just got discharged from [Hospital] and need to get home. Do any of y’all have some cash I could use to take a bus home?”

Before anyone else can respond, one of my friends speaks up.

Friend: “Oh, [Hospital] you say? I actually know one of the social workers there, and she can get you a free bus pass to get you home! Let me call her really quick.”

My friend pulls out her phone, but the guy scowls.

Guy: “F*** you.”

We watch as he leaves. My friend shrugs.

Friend: “Funny how once I offer a good solution, they never wanna take it.”

I went to the mall with my sister. We stopped at the food court for lunch and decided to go to a new place with a small kiosk. We each picked a premade sandwich with a $5 sticker on it, and we got two $2 water bottles. 

Cashier: “Hi there. Is this all together?”

Me: “Yes.”

Cashier: “Okay.”

She punched the amounts in by hand since there were no barcodes.

Cashier: “And your total is $21.20.”

Me: “Sorry? Two sandwiches and two waters? I counted about $15 with tax.”

Cashier: “No. Two $7 sandwiches and two $3 bottles of water — that’s $20, plus 6% tax.”

Me: *Holding up the sandwiches* “They’re $5 sandwiches, and the sign on the cooler says waters are $2.”

Cashier: “Someone must have labeled them wrong.”

Me: “Okay, well, can you fix it? Or can we talk to someone?”

Cashier: “That’s your total. I’m not changing it, and I’m not wasting the manager’s time. Do you want it or not?”

My sister and I walked away without another word.

I went online that evening and found the place online. I found several reviews saying they had experienced the same thing. Every review pointing out these shady practices had a snarky reply from someone claiming to be the owner, basically blaming the customer for an attitude, accusing them of switching stickers, or something else.

I went back about three months after that and saw that the kiosk was empty. I guess sometimes shady businesses get what they deserve.

I am at the zoo in a sort of food court area. My kids are off with their dad getting food, and I am people-watching.

A man and woman with a child around two years old are just finishing up their own meal next to me.

Woman: *To the child* “Now that we’re done, we can go see your monkeys, and then we’ll see whatever animals we can as we leave.”

Girl: “No!”

Woman: “No what, my love?”

Girl: “No go!”

Woman: “I’m glad you’re having fun, but we’ve already stayed longer than we were supposed to, and it’s past nap time, so we have to leave once we see the monkeys.”

I’m sure you can imagine the way a two-year-old who hasn’t gotten her nap would respond to this. She starts crying immediately, starting with a low rumble at first but rapidly building in intensity and volume to full-on bawling.

Man: “Okay, [Girl], shoulder time.”

The man comes over and picks the little girl up. The moment that she is in his hands, she starts spinning around to face away from him while he is lifting her to make it easier for him to place her on his shoulders in a smooth clearly practiced motion. More importantly, her tears cut off entirely the moment she is on his shoulders. She is now looking around utterly content as if she wasn’t crying a literal second ago.

The man walks in a short circle around their table before stopping back right in front of the women.

Man: “Okay, Mommy, she’s ready for you.”

The woman stands and reaches up to touch her daughter’s legs to get her attention, looking the girl straight in the eye.

Woman: “[Girl], I know you’re having fun and don’t want to go home, but crying just tells us you’re too sleepy and that we should take you home for a nap now. I don’t want to do that because I want you to get to see your monkeys before we leave. Do you think you can be a big girl for us and try not to cry, even if you are tired, long enough for us to go see your monkeys?”

The girl gives a bit of a nod to this.

Man: “Great. [Girl], do you want to do a quick gallop while Mommy packs up?”

Girl: “Uh-huh!”

Man: “Okay, but do you think you can tell Mommy you’re sorry for crying first?”

Girl: “Sorry.”

Man: “That’s my favorite girl. Okay, hold on, here we go…”

The man then takes the girl off on the promised “gallop”, bouncing her high up in the air with each step he takes. In fact, he is bouncing and bucking her so much it’s as if she were on a mechanical bull; I’m honestly shocked she’s able to maintain her balance and stay in a sitting position even with her legs being held, but she manages to somehow. Most kids I’d expect to be crying all over again from the rough treatment, but this toddler is laughing and giggling in pure joy over her human rodeo.

Me: “That was great! That’s got to be the fastest I’ve seen any dad stop a kid’s crying.”

Woman: “Oh, he’s her godfather, actually, but I know what you mean. She loves riding on his shoulders; she won’t let him carry her any other way. I don’t think I’ve seen a single case yet where a shoulder ride failed to fix whatever was upsetting her. I just wish my shoulders had the same magic.”

After the woman finished packing up, the three of them headed off with the girl still content and firmly attached to her godfather’s shoulders, presumably to see some monkeys.

I work in security dispatch for a mall. Mostly, I watch cameras and answer phone calls.

One day, I was watching the food court when I saw something that really churned my stomach.

This place in the food court sells, among other things, hotdogs wrapped in pretzel dough. 

It wasn’t a very busy day, the mall was dying, and this was a slow day in a dying mall. I caught one of the workers — the only one on shift that day — prodding under her skirt with a hotdog.

I don’t know what, exactly, she was doing, but after she was done, she wrapped the hotdog in dough and put it in the cooker.

I pondered dispatching a security person immediately, but instead, I notified the owner, who arrived, fired the woman, and threw out the offending pretzel-wrapped hotdog.