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  • Had It Up To Their Neck With Bad Customers
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    Painful Showers Bring Mayday Flowers

    | Midwest, USA | Awesome Customers, Health & Body, Wild & Unruly

    (While working at the flower shop, I’m trying to quickly help a pushy customer.)

    Customer #1: “Could you HURRY up? I’m in a rush!”

    (I hurriedly wrap her flowers in tissue. In my rush to appease her, I staple my thumb to the paper. The staple is completely closed, going through BOTH my thumb and the paper. It immediately starts bleeding on her flowers.)

    Me: “OW! Oh, gosh, I need to get some help with this!”

    Customer #1: “No! I need my flowers! Give them to me!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I am bleeding all over your flowers. I need some help getting this out of my thumb. I’m sorry, but you’ll need to wait.”

    Customer #1: “NO! HURRY UP!”

    Me: “Do you want bloody flowers?”

    Customer #1: “I don’t care about your thumb! Get me new flowers!”

    (At this point, I notice Customer #2, who is standing behind her, getting woozy at the sight of my bleeding stapled thumb.)

    Me: *to Customer #2* “Sir, are you going to be okay?”

    Customer #1: “Stop helping him! You’re supposed to be helping me!”

    (Finally, a coworker hears the commotion and comes up front. She immediately gets on rubber gloves and starts trying to pry the staple out.)

    Customer #1: “I can’t believe this! If I wasn’t in such a hurry, I would just go somewhere else!”

    Customer #2: *still looking green* “Lady, just go somewhere else! Leave the poor girl alone!”

    Customer #1: “Lazy employees!” *throws her hands in the air and leaves*

    (Soon, the staple is gone and my wound is bandaged. At least my day ended on a high point—Customer #2 was very pleasant and bought me a flower!)

    Sour On Devouring Flowers

    | Northern California, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (I’m working at a stall selling flowers in a popular farmer’s market. We have a large sign reading “EDIBLE FLOWERS!” to sell nasturtiums and organic, pesticide-free roses. A customer approaches.)

    Customer: “Edible flowers? Are they made of sugar or something?”

    Me: “No, sir! These are organically-grown flowers that are entirely edible. They’re usually used to add color to salads or as a garnish.”

    Customer: “Like what?”

    Me: “Well, these rose petals add color and a romantic flair to a dish, but they don’t have much flavor, rather like celery. Personally, I like the nasturtiums. They’re rather peppery and tasty. Would you like to try one?”

    Customer: “You’re just putting me on, aren’t you?”

    Me: “Not at all! Here, see?”

    (I pick up one of the loose nasturtiums off the counter, pluck a petal off and eat it.)

    Customer: “All right, I’ll try it.”

    (I pluck another petal off the same flower and hand it to him. He puts it in his mouth and I see a pleasantly surprised expression spread across his face. I grin, happy to see he’s enjoying it.)

    Customer: “HEY! Why’re you laughing at me?!”

    Me: “Huh? I’m not laughing, I was smiling since you seem to be—”

    Customer: “YOU TRICKED ME! I bet these aren’t edible at all! I’m gonna sue you!”

    Me: “Sir, you just watched me eat part of the same flower—”

    Customer: “You grow ‘em! I bet you’ve developed an immunity and stuff! You tried to poison me, and now you’re laughing at me! I’m gonna sue you and then I’LL be the one laughing!” *storms off*

    For Flower Power, Press 1

    | Massachusetts, USA |

    (I am female, in my 20s, and the only employee at this flower shop. The owner is older than me, and also female. An elderly woman calls one morning.)

    Me: “Hello, [florist].”

    Elderly customer: “Hello, I was looking for an American flag to hang outside.”

    Me: “Okay, we have several sizes and we carry both nylon and cotton flags.”

    (I run through the sizes for her.)

    Elderly customer: “I’m just not sure. Is there a man I can talk to?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Elderly customer: “A man. I want to ask him about flags.”

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, no men work here.”

    Elderly customer: “I’ll just call back later…”

    About To Be A War Of The Roses

    | Columbia, MO, USA | Top

    (The customer is purchasing a large bouquet of flowers.)

    Me: “Wow! That’s a big arrangement. Is it a birthday, anniversary or apology?”

    Customer: “I slept with my girlfriend’s sister last night.”

    Me: “I’m going make you up something bigger with more roses. There’s a gourmet chocolate shop down the road.”

    Customer: “Thanks.”