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    How To Make The Customer Blossom

    | Canada | Awesome Customers, Bad Behavior, Top

    (A gentleman approaches the counter; he is clearly well-off and his tone is rather arrogant and sharp.)

    Customer: “You’re going to make me a bouquet for my wife, for delivery.”

    Me: “Oh, wonderful! For an anniversary?”

    Customer: “Yes.” *scoffs* “Give me roses.”

    (The customer proceeds to waste both our time making disparaging remarks regarding our roses, and brushing me off when I state they aren’t cleaned yet. He is arrogant and rude about the delivery times, and orders me about a little more. By the end I’m answering him quite sharply and quickly; he seems to notice. We part ways amicably. A couple of days pass; the customer comes in while I’m working with my boss. He points at me.)

    Customer: “You! You made up a bouquet for my wife the other day.”

    Me: “Yes, sir. How did she like it?”

    Customer: “Fine. I left my debit card, though.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry I didn’t catch that. I’ll just get it from the office.”

    (I’m now off-shift and punched out. While we wait for the supervisor to bring the card, I make small talk.)

    Me: “So, she liked the flowers? How thoughtful to make sure she got flowers on her anniversary!”

    (He visibly warms towards me. He receives his card.)

    Customer: “I need three roses. I need your help.”

    (We choose three beautiful, long-stemmed yellow roses. I wrap them up for him and put him through, and pass him the roses. He hands them back to me.)

    Customer: “These are for you. The bouquet for my wife was beautiful; she loved it. Thank you for everything.”

    (I beamed for the rest of the day!)

    Pan-bi-a-trans-homo-heterosexual, Part 2

    | Columbia, South Carolina, USA |

    Customer: “How do I get these orchids to bloom again, once the current flowers fall of? ”

    Me: “If you have more than one orchid, they will cross-pollinate, or ‘mate’, with each other, and they should bloom again.”

    Customer: “Mate? I should record that on my computer and put it on the internet!”

    (I laugh, thinking he’s kidding. He’s not. He stares at me blankly for a moment before speaking again.)

    Customer: “I’m going to pick out the hottest orchids!”

    Related:
    Pan-bi-a-trans-homo-heterosexual

    A Chance To Play God

    | Acton, MA, USA |

    Customer: “Hi, I’m going to the temple today, and I need to get some flowers.”

    Me: “Okay, do you want fresh cut flowers or a potted plant?”

    Customer: “A potted plant. Tell me, what color do you think God would like today?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “Last week I got yellow flowers and I think God liked them, but He might want something else today.”

    Me: “Um, I’m pretty sure God is in the mood for red right now.”

    Customer: “Excellent. Do you think He wants roses or azaleas?”

    Me: “…”

    When You Care Enough To Send…Something

    | Perrysburg, OH, USA |

    Me: *on the phone* “So you want a dozen roses…what color would you like? Red?”

    Customer: “NO! Not red! Let’s do pink…red means love, and I don’t want love. I just want to get laid!”

    Me: “OK…pink roses it is.”

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic