This particular fish and chip shop is near the seafront. It has a restaurant section as well as a very small counter section. My sister, who I don’t look similar to, works at the counter and is working by herself this afternoon. I go in to pick up some food for my teenage friends and myself. My friends are waiting outside because we have a dog with us and it’s cramped. A couple is in there, as well, and they have a touristy look about them.
Sister: “Did you want to get that order for the table side? No extra cost to eat in.”
Man: “Oh, no! We’ve come to enjoy the seaside, so we’re going to eat them by the sea!”
Sister: “I’m going to recommend not doing that due to the gulls. They’re pretty aggressive.”
Man: *Laughs* “No, no! I’m sure they’ll be fine! Just a way to get bums on seats to get more money!”
Woman: “Are you sure, [Man]? She’s recommended it, and it’s not extra…”
Man: *To me* “Are you a local?”
Me: “…yeah?”
Man: “And are you eating in or out?”
Me: “Out, but we’re going to be eating in—”
Man: *Not letting me finish and going back to the woman* “See, the locals don’t!” *To my sister* “We want it to go, please!”
Sister: “Okay, then. Open or wrapped?”
Man: “Wrapped, of course!”
Woman: “I still feel like we’re making a mistake, [Man].”
Man: *To the woman* “I’m telling you, it’s just a way to encourage people to sit in so they can get more money!” *To my sister “Not that that’s a bad thing — you gotta make money somehow — I just know how all of this works.”
Sister: *Dryly* “If you say so, sir. Here’s your food.”
The couple takes it and leaves. My sister comes round the counter to watch them through the windows, which I’m already doing and my friends did as soon as they realised the couple was heading to the seafront with open fish and chips.
Sister: *Quietly* “And five…”
A gull spots them.
Sister: “Four…”
So do a few more.
Sister: “Three…”
They start to gather.
Sister: “Two…”
The lady looks nervous.
Sister: “One.”
On cue, they’re bombed by gulls. My friends and I laugh. My sister shakes her head and heads back to the counter.
Sister: “I tried to warn them. Hopefully, they don’t come in demanding their money back. Right. You. What you lot havin’?”
She’s getting me sorted when the couple comes back in, minus the food they were given moments ago.
Woman: “The idiot underestimated the gulls. If we want to eat in, do we need to order here first?”
Me: “Nah, just go through there and they’ll get you a table and sort you out.”
Man: *Almost with suspicion* “You know how this place works…”
Woman: “Yes, because she’s a local, [Man]. She’s a local who probably knows where it’s safe to eat so you don’t get mugged. And she was trying to tell you where but you didn’t let her finish. Where are you eating, by the way?”
Me: “In my friend’s beach house.”
Woman: “So, appears she’s eating out but still inside. We don’t have that option, so let’s eat in the restaurant. It’s got lovely open windows to see the seafront and no birds.”
