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    He Has Mama Issues

    | Stettler, AB, Canada | Food & Drink, Funny Names, Wild & Unruly

    (I’m a fairly new cashier at a popular fast food restaurant. Our burgers have names, like ‘Mama Burger’ or ‘Teen Burger.’)

    Customer: *obviously intoxicated* “I want a cheeseburger and I want it hot. I don’t want it sitting in the f******* warmer.”

    (As there is no listing for cheeseburger, I automatically change it to a ‘mama burger’ with cheese.)

    Me: “Of course, sir, that’ll be $7.50.”

    (I continue on with my job, cleaning trays and wiping tables, as someone else bags food. After several minutes I notice the customer is still standing there without his food. There is a bag sitting on the counter, and as I check the receipt I notice it is his ‘mama burger’ with cheese.)

    Me: “Sir, I believe this is your meal here. Your cheeseburger?”

    Customer: “I ORDERED A GODD*** CHEESEBURGER OVER 10 MINUTES AGO! NOT A ‘MAMA BURGER’!”

    (As he continues on, my manager steps in and I quietly go hide in the back room and watch and listen.)

    Manager: “I’m sorry for the mix up, sir. This is a cheeseburger, but in this restaurant it’s called a—”

    Customer: “I DON’T GIVE A D*** WHAT IT’S CALLED. I’VE WAITED OVER 10 MINUTES! THIS IS WHY YOU PEOPLE ONLY MAKE MINIMUM WAGE! ANY MONKEY COULD TAKE YOUR JOBS AND DO BETTER!”

    Manager: *calmly* “I’m sorry, sir.”

    Customer: *snatches food from counter* “I’M SO MAD, I COULD JUST—” *raises his fist to manager’s face* “I SHOULD BURN THIS BUILDING DOWN ON TOP OF ALL OF YOU WORTHLESS PIECES OF S***!”

    Manager: “You should not be out drinking and driving. It puts everyone in danger.”

    Customer: “I’VE NEVER HAD A SIP OF ALCOHOL IN MY LIFE! NO DRUGS EITHER!”

    *storms out with his food*

    Next Customer In Line: “That’s a lie. He has had to be removed by police from [Other Fast Food Restaurant] four times. We’re instructed to phone police if he enters the premises.”

    Me: *comes out of hiding*

    Coworker: “You saw that coming, huh? I was wondering why you were hiding.”

    Me: “This job… It gets better, right?”

    Coworker: “No.”

    A Good Sign

    , | San Jose, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers

    (I pull into a drive-thru for a quick lunch. The cashier greets me and asks for my order, and just as I’m about to give it to her, I notice they have a ‘sorry, cash only’ sign taped up next to the speaker.)

    Me: “Yes, I’d like a— Oh, hold on, I just noticed your sign. Let me make sure I actually have cash on me before I order.” *checks wallet*

    Cashier: “No, sorry, our card reader’s down— Wait, what? You READ the sign? I’m not sure that’s actually ever happened before!”

    Combo Number Four(skin)

    , | Des Moines, IA, USA | Food & Drink, Funny Names, Health & Body, Rude & Risque

    (I’m working the drive-thru at about nine pm. A car comes up and a teenager gives his order of a burger.)

    Me: “And what size do you want for that?”

    Customer: “Uh… circumcise me!”

    Me: “You mean supersize?”

    Customer: “Yeah! Circumcise me.”

    (He drives to the first window, paying. I stick an extra plastic knife in his bag. When he drives to my window, I hand him his food.)

    Me: “Sir, I included one of our plastic knives. Unfortunately, we can’t perform your request here.”

    Customer: “What?”

    (The girl in the passenger seat, presumably his girlfriend, leans over and whispers in his ear.)

    Customer: *eyes widen and looks at me horrified*

    Me: “You did ask.”

    Customer: *steps on the gas and speeds out of the drive-thru*

    Needs A Break(fast)

    , | MI, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

    Customer: “Do you have toast?”

    Me: “No, ma’am. We—”

    Customer: *points to greeter* “But SHE said I could have breakfast, so I want breakfast.”

    Me: “Even though it’s lunch time, we serve pancakes, bacon, and oatmeal all day. Would you like—”

    Customer: “You must be NEW because you don’t know ANYTHING!”

    Manager: “We also have some breakfast burritos left if you’d like those.”

    Customer: “Ring me up for PANCAKES, then. Pan… CAKES. She said breakfast. I want breakfast!”

    Me: “Would you like syrup—”

    Customer: “YOU DON’T KNOW ANYTHING! PANCAKES. I WANT PANCAKES.”

    (Luckily, her pancakes come up pretty quickly, and she yanks the tray out of my manager’s hands.)

    Customer: “SEE? Now you KNOW SOMETHING.”

    Me: *to manager* “I am now aware that we have pancakes. I now have edumacation. I are smart.”

    Manager: “You can leave early if you want…”

    Not The Cream Of The Crop, Part 2

    , | USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (One very early morning, I have just made a customer a hot mocha.)

    Customer: “Um, I think there’s something wrong with my drink. It’s really cold. It’s not even lukewarm!”

    Me: “I’m so sorry! Maybe I hit the iced button by accident. Let me remake that for you.”

    (I proceed to remake the drink, being extra careful to make it perfectly.)

    Me: “All done! Again, sorry about that.”

    (The customer takes a tiny sip and slams the cup back on the counter.)

    Customer: “It’s still cold!”

    Me: “Sir… that was the whipped cream. Your coffee is underneath it.”

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    Not The Cream Of The Crop

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