Sure They Can Cobble Something Together

| Salem, OR, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Welcome to [restaurant], may I take your order please?”

Customer: “I want a Cobb Salad, no Cobb!”

Me: “No what?”

Customer: “No Cobb! I don’t want no Cobb!”

Me: “Cobb was the chef who invented the salad, he is not an ingredient. We put eggs, tomato, bacon, chicken and blue cheese on our salad.”

Customer: “Blue cheese! That’s what I don’t want! No Cobb!”

Me: *giving up* “One Cobb salad, no blue cheese. That will be [price], thank you!”

(At the window.)

Customer: “That don’t got no Cobb, right?”

When Life Presents A Fork, Choose The Right Way

, | Illinois, USA | Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers, Uncategorized

Customer: *walks up to the counter* “Hey, you guys forgot my fork and croutons!”

Me: “I’m sorry about that, ma’am. Here you are.”

Customer: “Well, don’t I get free food because you guys messed up?!”

Me: “You get a free fork and croutons.”

Not The Only Thing In Need Of Maintenance

, | Saskatchewan, Canada | Food & Drink, Language & Words, Top

(We’re closed for maintenance, and have shut off all the exterior lights, including those in drive-thru. We also put a sign on the drive-thru menu stating we’re closed. A car pulls into drive-thru, and I put on a headset. All of this takes places via drive-thru speaker.)

Me: “Hi, I’m sorry, but we’re currently closed for maintenance. Our other location down the street will be happy to serve you.”

Customer: “Hey, we just need a minute. Your lights are off, and it’s hard to see the menu.”

Me: “Sorry, I said we’re closed for maintenance. That’s why the lights are off.”

Customer: “Okay, we’re ready.”

Me: “Sorry, I said we’re closed. Our other store just a few blocks down the street will be happy to help.”

(The customer says their order.)

Customer: “Hello? Did you get that?”

Me: *gives up* “Welcome to [restaurant]. Please listen carefully as our menu options have changed due to the store being closed for maintenance. For service in English, please press one.” *switches to French* “Pour service en Francais, poussez le deux.” *switches to Spanish* “Para el servicio en Español, presione por favor el numero tres.”

(Faint laughter as the rest of the car’s passengers start laughing.)

Customer: “Uh…” *whispers* “What do I do?” *laughter from other passengers* “Uh… one?”

Me: “Thank you for calling [restaurant]. Our hours of operation are 7 am to 3 am, except today, because we are closed… due… to… maintenance. Please leave a message after the beep. BEEP!”

(Squeal of tires as the car peels away, the rest of the passengers killing themselves laughing.)

Meaty Political Issues

, | Michigan, USA | Food & Drink, Politics, Uncategorized

(One of the meats we offer is a barbecued shredded beef, which we refer to as Barbacoa.)

Customer: “I’ll take a burrito with Barack Obama.”

Me: “One burrito with barbacoa coming up.”

Customer: “What’d you call it?”

Me: “Barbacoa.”

Customer: “Oh, thank God. I’m a Republican.”

Half Past Wine

| Scottsdale, AZ, USA | Food & Drink, Uncategorized

(It was past closing time, all the lights were off and the gate was half closed. I came out of the back to find a woman standing in the store.)

Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, we’re closed.”

Customer: *slurred* “But I need to buy some peanut butter.”

Me: “I’m sorry, you’ll have to come back tomorrow morning, we open at 10.”

Customer: “I thought you were open till 9? You shouldn’t be closing early. That’s bad business.”

Me: “It’s past 9, ma’am.”

Customer: “But the bartender downstairs said it was another half hour until all the stores closed.”

Me: “How long ago was that?”

Customer: “It couldn’t have been too long. I only had a couple of drinks after he told me.”

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