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    Nonsensical Hypotheticals

    , | San Diego, CA, USA |

    (Customer has pulled up the the drive-thru after ordering a coffee.)

    Customer: “Can you add the cream and sugar for me?”

    Me: “It’s against policy to do that to prevent contamination.”

    Customer: “Well, what if I had no arms?”

    Me: *dumb founded*

    Customer: “If I spill the cream as I’m adding it while driving, I’m going to sue you!”

    Me: “Sir, you’re in a parking lot. You can pull over.”

    *customer speeds off*

    Manager: “If he didn’t have arms, how would he be driving?!”

    How OJ Might Order OJ

    , | Midwest USA |

    Customer at a drive-through: “Do you have orange juice, not an orange drink?”

    Me: “Yes, we have orange juice.”

    Customer: “I asked if you have orange juice, not an orange drink!”

    Me: “And I said we do have orange juice…”

    Customer, yelling: “Why don’t you answer my question!”

    Me: “I did…twice…”

    Customer: “F**k you! I don’t need to take this!”

    Me: “Oooookay then…”

    How To Scam A Scammer, Part 4

    , | Phoenix, AZ, USA |

    (My mom and I did long shifts at the restaurant we worked at, from 10 AM to 9 PM. Around 6:30 PM we received a call from a customer.)

    Customer: “Hi, I’m calling in for a complaint.”

    Me: “Okay, what’s the problem?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I came in this morning and ordered some food, but the guy there, he just PUNCHED me in the face!”

    Me: “Wh…you’re saying somebody working here punched you? When?”

    Customer: “It was today around noon. The man working there punched me. So can I get some free food? ‘Cause it really hurt. I mean, I could sue you guys.”

    Me, trying really hard not to laugh: “I’m sorry, sir, we can’t do that. My mother and I have been working here since the restaurant opened and I assure you, neither of us have punched you in the face. Also, we only have female employees…”

    Customer: “…Oh.” *click*

    Related:
    How To Scam A Scammer, Part 3
    How To Scam A Scammer, Part 2
    Lesson 1, How To Scam A Scammer

    It Runs In The Family

    , | California, USA |

    (A little kid comes running up to counter and points at our menu board above my head.)

    Kid: “I want that one!”

    Me: “The taco or the burrito, honey?”

    Kid’s mother: “Don’t point! That’s rude. You have to tell her what you want.”

    Kid: “I want the taco.”

    Me, turning to the mother: “Ok. What can I get for you?”

    Kid’s mother: *points* “I want that one.”

    All That For Nothing

    , | Ontario, Canada |

    Me: “Hi, welcome to *****. Can I help you?”

    Me: “Yes please, you sell doonoo?”

    Me: “I’m sorry? Do we sell what?”

    Me: *points at menu board* “You know, noots!”

    Me: *looks up to where he’s pointing which is a picture of some bagels* “Bagels?”

    Me: “No! Noots! Doonoots!”

    (This went on for several minutes, both of us getting more and more frustrated until…)

    Me: “Wait, are you saying nuts?”

    Me: “Yes, yes!”

    Me: “We have peanuts for our ice cream sundaes.”

    Me: “No, no, no. DOOnoots!”

    Me: *with a huge smile of understanding* “You mean doughnuts?!”

    Me: “Yes!!”

    (Keep in mind we had been working on this for a good five minutes. He now looks so excited that what I say next nearly breaks my heart.)

    Me: “No, I’m sorry. We don’t sell doughnuts.”


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