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  • A Caffeinated Christmas Miracle
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  • Effective Marketing

    , | Orem, UT, USA |

    (An elderly woman is complaining to my manager about a recent ad in which a woman appears in lingerie. The ad is promoting a special on two fish sandwiches for $4.)

    Woman: “I was so offended. I can’t believe they would show that on TV. Children might have been watching!”

    Manager: “I’m very sorry you were offended, ma’am.”

    Woman: “It was so offensive! Is there anyone I can talk to?”

    Manager: “I can give you the number for the regional office or you can send an email from the website.”

    Woman: “It was just so offensive!”

    Manager: “Again, I’m very sorry ma’am. By the way, here are your two fish sandwiches.”

    A Method To The Madness

    , | St. Catharines, ON, Canada |

    Me: “Hi there, welcome to [fast food restaurant], how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I’d like a chicken nugget kids meal.”

    Me: “Alrighty then, what would you like to drink?”

    Customer: “Sweet and sour.”

    Me: “Okay ma’am, but what would you like to drink?”

    Customer: “I just told you, I want sweet and sour with my nuggets!”

    Me, catching on to their game: “Okay… what would you like to dip?”

    Customer: “Coke!”

    A Fine Line Between Smarta** and Dumba**

    , | Ontario, Canada | Top

    (I work at a popular fast food restaurant. Drive-through customers should be aware that we can hear every word they say.)

    Coworker: “Hi, welcome to ***. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I just need a minute to decide.”

    Coworker: “No problem, just let me know when you are ready.”

    (The customer talks to his passengers, while we listen…)

    Customer, to his passengers: “I should ask for something dumb on my ice cream, just to see what they say. How about pickles? They would probably just ignore me. Oh, I know… tomatoes!”

    Customer, to my coworker: “Okay, I’m ready.”

    Coworker: “Alright, go ahead…”

    Customer: “I’d like an ice cream sundae with tomatoes on it, please.”

    Coworker: “I’m sorry, due to the recent recall in the States, we aren’t serving tomatoes right now. Can I offer you a sundae with pickles instead?”

    Customer: *drives off without ordering anything*

    It Doesn’t Take Much To Get A Guy Going

    , | Easthampton, MA, USA |

    (I work at the drive-thru of a certain fast food restaurant that has milkshakes that come with these massive tube straws, roughly the width of a nickel, and bright blue.)

    Me: “Welcome to [restaurant], how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yeah. You’ve got those blue straws, right?”

    Me: “Yeah, we do. They come with our Sundae Shakes.”

    Customer: “Cool. Gimme two. Don’t forget the straws!”

    Me: “Okay….”

    (I tell him the total and ask him to pull up…)

    Customer: “You sure these come with those blue straws?”

    Me: “Yes, they do…” *hands him his change*

    Customer, to his girlfriend: “Blue turns me on…”

    (I grab the straws and hand them out the window. After they pulled away, I burst out laughing for a good five minutes.)

    Red + Blue = Purple (Bruises)

    , | Central Illinois, USA |

    (It’s a slow night at our fast food/sandwich shop, so we’re chatting with the customers. ¬†This particular customer is a regular, and is discussing birthday presents with my coworker.)

    Customer: “Yeah, I got my kids guns for their birthdays!”

    Coworker: “How old are they?!”

    Customer: “In their 20s.”

    Coworker, shocked: “But guns kill people!”

    Customer: “Well, they may need to protect themselves someday, you know.”

    Coworker: “From what? Wild animals?”

    Customer: “No, from Democrats!”

    (My coworker gets very offended, and a rather loud debate ensues between them as I try helplessly to control my laughter.)

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