I was taking a customer’s order over the headset when I ran into an unfortunately common issue: was he asking for iced tea or Hi-C? I tried various ways of clarification, including slowing down, enunciating, and using Hi-C’s full name, “Hi-C Fruit Punch” but I still couldn’t get a clear answer, so finally I punched in Hi-C.

Me: “Does everything on your screen look correct?”

Customer: “Yes.”

So, I told him his total and moved on.

I wound up being the lucky bugger who took his order out to the stall. He wanted iced tea. I got things sorted, but really, WHY SAY YES IF THE ANSWER IS NO?!

I work at a chain fast food restaurant that sells Greek food in the food court of a large shopping centre. The menu is very simple if you actually bother to read it; you can get a meal that includes salad, rice, potatoes, and your choice of meat, or you can get a pita, or variations on those. Importantly, unlike some other Greek fast food restaurants, we do not serve fries. Almost all of the food you can order on the menu is visible on food trays at the counter that we use to serve the food.

I’m standing at the counter and two women are standing ten feet away looking at the menu. I wave at them so they know they can come order whenever they’re ready. They completely ignore me and continue staring at the menu for a solid five minutes. Finally, one of the women comes up to the counter.

Customer: “Hi. I would like an order of poutine.”

For those of you who don’t know, poutine consists of fries, gravy, and cheese curds and is a very popular Canadian food. My coworker and I look at each other for a few seconds, confused, before I answer.

Me: “I’m sorry, but we don’t serve poutine.”

Customer: “Yes, you do.”

Me: “No, I’m sorry, but we really don’t.”

Customer: “Yes, you do, I swear to God I just saw it on your menu.”

Our menu is displayed on three televisions where a couple of the pictures switch between two options in order to show every type of meal, pita, and salad available.

Customer: “I saw it! A small for $5.99 and a large for $8.99. I was standing there waiting for it to come back on but it never did.”

Me: “I’m really sorry, I’m not sure what you saw, but I assure you that we do not serve poutine. We don’t have fries or gravy, and the only cheese we have is feta. There is no way I can make you poutine.”

Customer: “I saw it on your menu. You have to make it for me.”

At this point, I have no idea what to do. My best guess is that she saw poutine on the menu of the fried chicken restaurant right next to us but is stubbornly insisting that it was ours. There is no way we can make her this dish.

My coworker then jumps in to back me up.

Coworker: “We really don’t have poutine.”

The woman then stares at us angrily for about thirty seconds. A line is forming behind her.

Customer: “Fine, then! I know I saw it, but you won’t give it to me. I’ll go get it somewhere else!”

She finally left. Thank God. I will never understand the customers that think they know the menu better than the people that work there for eight hours a day!

A customer comes up to the counter, angry.

Customer: “My milkshake was bad, and you need to refund me and give me a free one!”

Me: “When did you buy the milkshake?”

Customer: “This morning! Give me my refund!”

Me: “Do you have a receipt?”

Customer: “Of course not! Who keeps their d*** receipt?!”

Me: “It’s just… our milkshake machine is broken. We’re not serving milkshakes today.”

Customer: “I meant yesterday morning!”

Me: “It was broken yesterday, too.”

Customer: “Ugh! Well, how long has it been broken?”

Me: “If I tell you how long it’s been broken, will your milkshake purchase conveniently be on the day before?”

Customer: “…”

Me: “…”

Customer: “F*** you!”

The customer storms out of the door while my coworker approaches me.

Coworker: “If you’re going to scam a fast food place, don’t use the one product that’s always, always broken!”

Customer: *Tossing a receipt at me* “You overcharged me, you stupid b****!”

Me: “You asked for the chicken combo with cajun fries?”

Customer: “Yeah! And I was overcharged twenty-five cents, you stupid b****!”

Me: “Please stop swearing, ma’am. The cajun fries are a twenty-five-cent upcharge from the regular combo.”

Customer: “That’s stupid! I want my money back!”

Me: “If you can give back the cajun fries, I can replace them with regular.”

Customer: “Stuck up [trans slur] b****!”

I am not trans, but I present as androgynous, and this has crossed a line for me as well as decent society. I take a quarter from the register and toss it on the floor.

Me: “Here, take your money and go. You don’t deserve any more of my time.”

Customer: “I will call corporate and get you fired!”

Me: “And it still would have been worth it. Next customer, please!”

I was not fired.

Related:
Oh, So Worth It

Customer: “You dumba**! I wanted the spicy burger, not regular!”

Me: “Sorry, sir, the spicy burger was a seasonal promotion. We’re no longer serving that item.”

Customer: *Shouting* “Such a dumba**! Go in the back and make me one!”

Me: “Sorry, sir, but we don’t have that item anymore. The promotion did state that it would end last week, and—”

Customer: “Dumba**! Why do they only hire dumba**es here?!”

Next Customer: *Having had enough* “You’re a special kind of dumba**! You’re a spherical dumba**, because no matter how you look at it, you’re still a dumba**.”