The Wisdom To Know The Difference

, | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Top

(I’m with my wife at a well known fast food place, and they employ a young man with special needs who we both know and are very friendly with. An angry customer accosts him at the register.)

Customer: “S***, they’re taking so f***ing long with my food!”

Employee: “Just a sec, sir…”

Customer: “You’d better!”

(Not three minutes later, the employee comes with the customer’s food.)

Employee: “Here you go, sir.”

Customer: “Where’s the f***ing ranch?”

Employee: “Right away, sir!”

Customer: “No, forget it! You’ll probably slobber all over it!”

Wife: “Excuse me, sir, but this young man is doing his job. He’s not doing anything to hurt you, so how about you shut the f*** up!”

Customer: “F*** you, fat a**!”

Employee: “She’s a nice lady! There’s a baby inside her, and she’s not fat!”

Customer: “F*** you!” *storms out, upsetting some chairs*

Wife, to the employee: “People are so mean to you, honey. I’m so sorry, I can’t believe he said that to you, that a**hole!”

Employee: *grinning* “Don’t worry about it, Jesus and my mama still love me!” *walks away, the happiest man on earth*

1 Billion Served (And Eaten)

, | Texas, USA | Uncategorized

(I’ve just finished ringing up a customer’s order.)

Customer: “Is it too late to make the drink and fries big?”

Me: “Of course not, let me just charge it.”

Customer, to my manager: “It should be free since she didn’t offer it to me! You should offer it to everyone equally!”

Manager: “I’m sorry sir, she can’t give it to you for free. We’re all human. We all make mistakes.”

Customer: “Well, fine! Next time I want to be helped by someone who isn’t human!”

Burn Me Twice, Flame On Me

, | Australia | Uncategorized

(Note: I’m a customer and overhear this conversation.)

Worker: “Hi, what can I do for you?”

Customer:“I bought this garlic bread, and I burnt my hands and my mouth.”

Worker: “Oh, how did you burn both?”

Customer: “It was too hot in my hands, so I put it in my mouth…”

Minor Dramas Are Major For Minors

, | Indianapolis, IN, USA | Uncategorized

(The customer rips the lid off of the shake I just hand her and frowns.)

Customer: “What is this?”

Me: “That’s a vanilla shake.”

Customer: “No it isn’t. I want a vanilla shake.”

Me: “Well, I made it myself so I promise you it’s vanilla. Would you like me to remake it?”

Customer: “No, I just want a vanilla shake! This doesn’t look like vanilla at all. It’s all yellow.”

Me: “Ah, the vanilla syrup gives the shake a yellow tinge. It’s
supposed to look like that.”

Customer: “Oh, it’s not ME you have to convince, it’s the seven year-old in the car. He won’t be happy!”

Fowl Behavior, Part 3

, | Kelmscott, WA, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Hello, sir, can I take your order?”

Customer: “Uh, yeah…can I have two whole roast chickens?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we are all out at the moment. If you come back in 30 minutes, there will be some chickens available”

Customer: “But what about those chickens over there?” *points at plastic display chickens*

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but those are display chickens. They are not real.”

Customer: *raises voice* “I reckon those chickens are real and you’re just trying to keep them for yourself!”

(The customer stabs the chicken with a plastic knife from our tray. A chunk of polystyrene is taken out.)

Customer: “Oh, I guess you were telling the truth. I’ll come back in half an hour.”

Related:
Fowl Behavior, Part 2
Fowl Behavior
Fowl Play

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