Featured:
May Theme Of The Month: Movie Mayhem!

No Vocation For Location

, | Fargo, ND, USA | Food & Drink, Money, Uncategorized

Customer: “Can I have a [competitor’s burger] please?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. We don’t do that burger. The [competitor] is across the street.”

Customer: “But I have a coupon.”

Me: “That does not change the fact that we don’t serve that burger here.”

Customer: “Can you read, mister?”

Me: “Very well.”

Customer: “Well, I can, too! The coupon says available at all locations, smart-a**!

Related:
No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 4
No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 3
No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 2
No Fortitude For Longitude
No Aptitude For Latitude

Beverly Spills Chihuahua

| Plano, TX, USA | Food & Drink, Pets & Animals, Uncategorized

Customer: “My wife and I were wondering if it would be okay to bring our chihuahua in while we eat?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but health department rules say we can’t allow any animals other than service animals in the restaurant.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. That’s no problem.”

(He leaves, then comes back in with his wife and a dog-shaped bulge underneath his shirt. My manager, who had overheard the conversation, comes to the register.)

Manager: “I’m sorry, sir, but it’s a violation of health code to have the dog in the restaurant.”

Customer: “What dog?”

(The dog then pokes his head out of the customer’s shirt.)

Customer: *stammering* “Well, uh, he’ll stay right here. He won’t get out. He’s very clean and has good manners!”

(A wet spot begins to appear on the man’s shirt.)

Customer: “Maybe I’ll just go through the the drive thru…”

Pause For (Lack Of) Thought

, | Waukesha, WI, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling [Fast Food Restaurant]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Yea, I’m calling about the nuts you put in my son’s ice cream.”

Me: “Um, sir, we don’t sell ice cream here.”

Caller: “Yeah, you did. I came in last night.”

Me: “Sir, this is [Fast Food Restaurant]. We don’t serve ice cream here.”

Caller: “Yeah, you do. For 49 cents. And you put nuts in my son’s ice cream! I’d like to speak to your manager!”

Me: “You’re speaking to her.”

Caller: “Oh, and you said you don’t serve ice cream here?”

Me: “No sir, we don’t. I think you needed the number for [other restaurant] across the street.”

Caller: You own both the restaurants?

Me: “No sir, we don’t. We’re just us.”

Caller: *long pause* “So what kind of desserts do you sell there?”

Me: “Cinnamon Twists.”

Caller: “I hate those things. What else you got?”

Me: “Cinnamon Twists. That’s it.”

Caller: “I heard you say that! What else do you have?”

Me: “That’s it.”

Caller: *longer pause* “Well, can you concoct something for me if I came in?”

Me: “No, sir, we can’t do that.”

Caller: “Oh…”

Me: “Was there anything else you needed help with?”

Caller: “No. Just to clarify, you don’t sell ice cream?”

Me: “That’s right.”

Caller: *long pause* “You should probably hang up now.”

Pointless Points

| Franklin, TN, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling [restaurant]. How can I help you?”

Caller: *irate* “Hi, I came in yesterday and ate one of your sandwiches and it tasted awful. I want a refund!”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear about that experience ma’am. Did you say this happened yesterday?”

Caller: “Yes, it was yesterday.”

Me: “As in Sunday? You’re sure this happened yesterday?”

Caller: “Yes. I went through the drive-thru yesterday and got a sandwich that tasted awful!”

Me: “Yesterday?”

Caller: “Yes, Sunday, yesterday, what’s the problem?”

Me: “Well, I’m sorry ma’am, but we’re closed on Sundays.”

Caller: “Your point?”

The Twelve (Billion) Days Of Christmas

| Australia | Uncategorized

(Note: this takes place Christmas Eve.)

Customer: “What’s this about you guys closing tomorrow?”

Me: “Yes, we are closed for Christmas day so we can have time with our families.”

Customer: “But if you’re closed, then what am I supposed to feed my family with!? You guys are supposed to be open all the time!”

Me: “But what about our families? Can’t we spend time with them?”

Customer: “No, because you’re supposed to be here working and serving us food!”

Page 71/89First...6970717273...Last