July Theme Of The Month: Great Timing!

Muffins Are Sweeter Than Bagels

, | PA, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(I’m a manager at a fast food restaurant but I’m currently on register covering a break. An older lady, probably in her 60s or 70s, comes in and sets her purse on the counter. Our egg muffin sandwiches come with ham, egg, and cheese.)

Me: “Good morning! What can I get for ya?”

Customer: “Good morning. I need an egg muffin… on a bagel… with bacon.”

(Since some customers like more than one type of meat on their sandwich I’ve gotten similar request before. Wanting to see if this is the case, I try to clarify:)

Me: “Okay, so you’d like a bacon, egg, and cheese bagel? Do you want ham and bacon on the sandwich or do you want to substitute the bacon for ham?”

Customer: *shaking her head* “No, no, no. I need an egg muffin… with bacon… on a bagel.”

Me: “So you want bacon, egg, and cheese on a bagel?”

Customer: *smiling sadly at me* “No that’s not what I want. See, this is why I came inside to order. No one can get my order right in the drive-thru.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I’m just confused. If you just tell me what you want on the sandwich I’ll ring it up for you and make sure you get it exactly how you want.”

Customer: “I just want an egg muffin on a bagel with bacon.”

(At this point I turn toward the giant menu board behind me and find the BEC Bagel on the menu I point to it looking back at the customer.)

Me: “This is a bagel with bacon, egg, and cheese can you tell me what about this sandwich you’d like to change and I will modify it for you.”

(Customer looks at the menu for the first time since entering the restaurant, seeing where I’m pointing she looks a little surprised.)

Customer: “Oh… Oh, I see… I thought you had to… Um, I guess I’ll have that.”

Me: “No problem, ma’am. Will there be anything else this morning?”

Customer: “Yes, could I also have a coffee with cream and sugar but can I have the packets?”

Me: “Of course! Your total will be [total].”

(As the lady fishes out her money, I turn to pour her coffee and get her cream and sugar packets. When I turn back around her money is sitting on the counter, she has gotten her food, and is putting the bag of food in her purse. I pay her out and give her her change then proceed to hand her her coffee and packets.)

Customer: *gestures at the packets* “Oh, could you put those in for me?”

Me: “So, you want a coffee with cream and sugar on the side but you want me to put the cream and sugar in for you?”

Customer: *looking confused* “No… No. I meant…”

(She begins looking around for something and her eyes come to rest on the food bag still sticking out for her purse. Realizing she wanted me to put the packets in the bag I begin to ask for her to hand me the bag but before I do she scoops up the packets and haphazardly tries to shove them in the food bag some of them falling out into her purse in the process. She then goes to pick up her coffee and leaves, muttering a thanks.)

Me: “Have a great day, ma’am!”

(I turn to my boss, the store manager, who was behind me the whole time assembling orders.)

Me: “Hey [Boss], could I have an egg muffin with bacon on a bagel?”

Boss: “Sure! And what about some coffee with some cream and sugar on the side but put in?!”

The Order In Disorder

| ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Food & Drink

(I’m taking orders for drive-thru in a well-known Canadian fast food chain.)

Me: “Welcome to [Restaurant]! How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I’d like a large strawberry banana smoothie with no yogurt.”

Me: “You said strawberry banana, correct?”

(I ask this for confirmation and the man proceeds to repeat his whole order again but obviously slower than the first time.)

Me: “And will that be everything today?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “All righty, then, your total is [total]. We’ll have that ready for you at the window.”

(I wait a couple of seconds and hearing nothing else from the customer, as is quite common for us, I send the order to the next till. A couple seconds later the customer starts talking again.)

Customer: “I’d also like an extra large coffee with—”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. We’ll have to add the rest of your order at the window.”

Customer: *in a whiny voice* “But I’m not done yet!”

Me: “Sir, I just asked you if that was everything for today and you said ‘yes’. I’ve already sent the order to the next till.”

(This was said politely and with no attitude or rudeness even close to being intended. However lo and behold, the next day I was called into the office and written up for having a “bad attitude” and “bad customer service” and now have to change my “bad attitude with customers” in two weeks or be fired. Thanks, man. Thanks.)

Not Your Regular Zombie Apocalypse

, | USA | April Fool's Day, Zombies

(I am nearing the end of my shift. Unfortunately the zombie apocalypse started a few hours ago and so my coworkers and I are trying to add defenses to the doors and the windows. An obnoxious regular is trying to get in.)

Regular: “I want my triple cheeseburger, d*** it!”

Me: “Sir! Please get in your car and drive home! Your family will want to see you in this time of need!”

Regular: “F*** my family! And f*** you! You lazy good-for-nothing are just using any excuse not to serve me!”

Coworker: “Sir! Get away from the door! We need to lock it and defend ourselves!”

(My coworker rolls his eyes at the situation and goes into the kitchen to make sure the doors are locked there. Just then, I notice the regular has a bite-mark on his arm.)

Me: “Sir, you’ve been bit!”

Regular: “D*** right! I hit that stupid low-life right back, though! You should–”

(The regular stops talking, a look of abrupt calm on his face. Suddenly, I realize he is turning. I try to finish locking the doors but it is too late. The regular now has a bloodthirsty look in his eyes and is about to attack me, when suddenly…)

Coworker: “Yaaaargh!”

(My coworker rushes a knife from the kitchen. He savagely attacks the zombified regular, with multiple stabs to the brain to bring him down. After the ordeal he is standing there, breathing heavily, covered in blood, staring down at the corpse.)

Me: “Well done getting the zombie.”

Coworker: *looks up in confusion* “He was a zombie?”

Practically Screaming Your Age

, | Yorktown, VA, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Food & Drink

(I work at a drive-in where you park you car and order food from a speaker, then we bring it to you. Sometimes customers let their kids make the order for them.)

Me: “Welcome to [Restaurant]. What can I get for you?

(The drive-in is very new, and our headsets have pristine hearing.)

Mother: *whispering* “Tell them, ‘one chocolate milkshake.'”

Child: *screaming* “ONE CHOCOLATE MILKSHAKE!”

(I nearly fall over as I jerk the headset off my ears. I can still hear talking through them.)

Mother: *whispering* “One vanilla milkshake.”

Child: *screaming* “ONE VANILLA MILKSHAKE!”

Mother: *whispering* “And two strawberry milkshakes.”

Child: *screaming* TWO STRAWBERRY MILKSHAKES!”

(I gingerly put the headphones back on.)

Me: “Okay, that will be [price]. Will it be cash or card?”

Child: *screaming* “I DON’T KNOW! I’M SIX!”

Snacking On A Bad Attitude

, | York, England, UK | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

(I work in a busy branch of a fast food place. When customers order burgers, it’s store policy to ask if they would like it as part of a deal, which is cheaper than if the food in the meal was purchased separately.)

Me: “Hello, sir, what can I get you?”

Customer: *giving me a somewhat disdainful look* “I want a [Burger] with fries and a large [Soda].”

Me: “Would you like that as part of a meal or are you buying them separately?”

Customer: *visibly annoyed, and still glaring at me* “No, I’m having them as a snack.”

(I laugh politely, thinking that he was trying to be funny.)

Me: *smiling on the outside, dying on the inside* “Is that a large meal or are you buying them separately?”

Customer: “I already told you, I’m having them as a snack.”

(I look at my supervisor like a deer in headlights. She takes over.)

Supervisor: “Sir, are you having your order as a meal or are you buying each item separately?”

Customer: *growing quite rude and ill-tempered now* “I’ve already told him that I want them as a snack. Doesn’t he understand simple instructions?”

(My supervisor is quite protective of her trainees. I know that the look in her eyes means she wants blood, but she remains calm and collected.)

Supervisor: *trying to remain polite* “We don’t sell meals as “snacks,” sir. Are you buying it for yourself or—”

Customer: *almost shouting* “Of course I am. Now get me my large [Burger] with fries and a [Soda]!”

Supervisor: *faces me and tells me to get his food prepared* “I’m ringing that up as a meal deal, sir. That’ll be £5.45, please.”

(Customer begrudgingly slams a £10 note on the counter and gives me a scathing glare as I hand him his food in a bag and he leaves the store in a huff. My supervisor realises something.)

Supervisor: “Did he want his meal to-go?”

Me: “No clue. But I did.”

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