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    A Trashy Pick Up Line

    , | Canada | One-Liners, Rude & Risque

    (I am in my teens, taking out the garbage. One of our regular customers, an elderly man who is a well-known jokester, comes up to me at the end of his meal. I’m switching out the trash bag.)

    Elderly Man: “What are you doing?”

    Me: “Taking out the trash.”

    Elderly Man: “Well, I’m trash. Can you take me out?”

    (I laugh into the garbage can.)

    Me: “I’m afraid I can’t, but I’ll have to remember that one. It’s good!”

    Paying It Fast Forward

    , | Kirksville, MO, USA | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink

    (I am in the drive through lane because I am delivering a forgotten hat to a roommate that works there. I rattle off my order and pull forward. I then notice that a truck, that for whatever reason has shut down in the other drive through lane, has turned on and I am unsure whether I have accidentally cut him off.)

    Me: “Uhm, I am the one with the [order].”

    (The cashier takes my credit card and pushes a couple buttons.)

    Me: “And could I pay for the guy-behind-me’s order? I think I cut him off.”

    Cashier: “Uh… hold on.”

    (She goes to the back to confer with the manager, and then pops back.)

    Cashier: “Yeah, one moment.”

    (She runs my card twice. I receive both receipts, deliver the hat to my roommate, get my food and then drive off. Later that night, my roommate comes home.)

    Roommate: “So, apparently you set off a chain reaction. The rest of the cars in the line started to pay for the next one. [Coworker] was so relieved when it stopped! It was so confusing!”

    A Driving Thought

    , | Palm Harbor, FL, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    Me: “Welcome to [Fast Food Chain]; can I take your order?”

    Customer: “I’ll have [order].”

    Me: “Okay, I have a [order]? Can I get you anything else?”

    Customer: “Nope.”

    Me: “Thanks. Your total will be [total].”

    (The customer drives up to the window.)

    Customer: *smugly* “You forgot to tell me to please drive through.*

    Me: “Sir, if I need to tell someone to drive through, then I’m not sure I want to deal with them when they eventually find the window.”

    Finished The Transaction At Break-Neck Speed

    , | NY, USA | At The Checkout, Rude & Risque, Theme Of The Month

    (I am fresh out of high school. I work at a popular fast food chain and my long-term partner lives about an hour away. I have just returned from a short vacation, during which I spent my time at her house. As we didn’t see each other often we had to make the most of our time together. A customer in his 50s, male, is at my counter.)

    Customer: “You’ve been a naughty girl.”

    Me: “… Excuse me?”

    Customer: “You’ve been very naughty.” *points at me*

    Me: “Uh… what?”

    Customer: “The marks on your neck.”

    Me: *instinctively pull up my collar, embarrassed*

    Customer: “That’s all right. Seems like you’ve got a lucky boy on your hands.” *winks*

    Looking For Excitement In The Workplace

    , | Scottsdale, AZ, USA | Rude & Risque, Theme Of The Month

    (A young man comes into the store and approaches the counter. He is probably about 17 or 18, dressed all in black, with hair down to his waist and fingernails that are about two inches long.)

    Customer: “Hi. I’d like to apply for a job.”

    Me: “Okay, just fill out this application.”

    (He takes the application, fills it out, and leaves. I immediately look through it. Under ‘tell us about yourself’ he wrote: ‘I am a gothic semi-pantophile. The smallest things excite me.’ We has to look up pantophile. It means someone who is sexually aroused by anything. We didn’t hire him.)

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