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    Well Played, Indeed

    , | North Dakota, USA | Top

    (This is a friend’s experience while working at a popular fast food place on the overnight shift.)

    Employee: “Thanks for calling, how may I help you?”

    Customer: “Hi. I came through drive-thru earlier tonight, and there’s something wrong with my food.”

    Employee: “Um, okay…what’s wrong exactly?”

    Customer: “Well, I ordered ***, and there was a used condom on the sandwich.”

    Employee, holding in a laugh: “Sir, that’s impossible. We don’t practice safe sex here.”

    Customer: “Well played.” *hangs up*

    How About A Side Of Hypocrisy

    , | Charlottesville, VA, USA |

    Me: *preparing a gyro wrap for a customer* “Would you like cheese on it?”

    Customer: “Oh my God, no! I’m a VEGAN! Don’t you know what they do to cows in those horrible farms? They force them to get pregnant all the time, and then they take away their babies and kill them so we humans can steal their milk! Dairy products are cruelty! ”

    Me: “Okay, okay. No cheese. Moving along. What sauces would you like on that?”

    Customer: “Tzatziki sauce, please.”

    (Note: the particular brand of tzatziki we purchased included both yogurt and sour cream.)

    Me: “Ah, I’m afraid that’s a dairy prod–”

    Customer: “I DON’T CARE! PUT IT ON!”

    I’ll Take A Schizo With Cheese

    , | Omaha, NE, USA |

    Customer: “Hi, I’d like a churro.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but we don’t serve churros. For desserts we have caramel apple empanadas or cinnamon twists if you want to try one of those.”

    Customer: “No, I don’t want dessert! I want an enchilada!”

    Me: “You mean an enchirito?”

    (The customer pulls forward without saying anything. I ask a coworker to verify the order at the window because the guy wasn’t making sense.)

    Coworker at the window: “You ordered a beef enchirito, correct?”

    Customer: “NO! I wanted a gordita!”

    The Adventures Of Captain Obvious

    , , , , | Everywhere |

    Me: “Would you like the 4-piece meal or the 6-piece meal?”
    Customer: “What’s the difference?”

    ——–

    Me: “Would you like the quarter pound classic burger or the half pound classic burger?”
    Customer: “Which one is bigger?”

    ——–

    Customer: “How big is the 6 inch?”

    ——–

    Customer: “How many come in a four-pack?”

    ——–

    Customer: “Is your Sunday special on Sundays only?”

    ——–

    Customer: “Does your turkey chic pea chili soup have beef in it?”

    ——–

    Customer: “What flavor is your vanilla ice cream?”

    ——–

    Customer: “What’s the difference between the lemon and the vanilla?”

    ——–

    Customer: “Hi, do you sell books here?”
    Me: “This is a bookstore, ma’am.”

    ——–

    Me: “Thank you for calling Pittsford Plaza Cinema, how may I help you?”
    Customer: “Yes, hello. Are you located in the Pittsford Plaza?”

    ——–

    Me: “Thank you for calling Saltgrass Steakhouse in Meyerland Plaza where our gift cards make great holiday stocking stuffers. How may I assist you?”
    Customer: “Hi, is this Saltgrass?”
    Me: “Yes.”
    Customer: “In Meyerland right?”
    Me: “Yes…”
    Customer: “Do you have giftcards?”‘
    *click*

    Racism Rears Its Ugly Head, Gets Decapitated

    , | Charlottesville, VA, USA |

    (Working at a sandwich place across the street from my college campus. One of my Spanish professors enters, and we chat in Spanish as I make her food. Another man comes in while we’re chatting, and stares at us.)

    Customer: “What the hell? Don’t you dare coddle that job-stealing Mexican!”

    Me: “Sir, that woman is a Ph.D. I can guarantee you, she did not steal your job. Oh, and she’s from New York. Can I take your order?”

    Customer: *storms out*


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