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    Floats and Brimstone

    , | Minnesota, MN, USA |

    Customer: “Excuse me!”

    Me: “Yes sir?”

    Customer: “I need a new root beer float; the ice cream in this one is melting.”

    Me: “Well, I can get you a new one, but it’s a hot day so the same thing will eventually happen.”

    Customer: “I asked for a root beer float! Not root beer soup!”

    Me: “I can’t control the weather sir, but I’ll see what I can do.”

    (I get him a new float, but by the time I get it out to him, it’s starting to melt.)

    Customer: “This one’s melting too!”

    Me: “It’s still hot out–but it will taste the same, I promise.”

    Customer: “Promise me something else too.”

    Me: “Okay?”

    Customer: “Go to hell!”

    Me: “It appears we’re both already there, sir. That’s why your ice cream is melting.”

    Gotta Love Them Regulars

    , | Cottage Grove, MN, USA |

    (This very friendly woman come in 3-4 days a week, and I am usually the one who winds up taking her money at the window.)

    Me: ¬†”Hi, it’ll be two dollars.”

    Customer: ¬†”Oh, you got your braces off! They look so nice!”

    Me: ¬†”Oh… thank you!”

    Customer: ¬†”And you got your hair cut!”

    Me: ¬†”Yes, I did!”

    Customer: ¬†”… I come here a little too often, don’t I?”

    Related:
    Why (Good) Regulars Really Rock

    It’s What’s For Dinner

    , | Stanwood, WA, USA |

    Coworker: Welcome to [fast food burger joint], what’s your beef?

    Customer: “I ain’t got a beef, you got the beef. What’s YOUR beef?”

    Coworker: “I got the good beef. You want some beef?”

    Customer: ¬†”Yes, I want some beef, you gonna bring it?”

    Coworker: “Yeah, I’ll bring it, you payin’?”

    Customer: ¬†”Course I’m payin’, you makin’?”

    Coworker: ¬†”Yes we’re makin’.”

    Customer: ¬†”Good, how much?”

    Coworker: ¬†”You have to order first, sir.”

    Customer: “Oh yeah…”

    Sometimes, You Just Can’t Win

    | Ohio, USA |

    Me: “Hello, may I help you?”

    Customer: “I’d like some baked chicken.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, we only have fried chicken.”

    Customer: “How about roasted chicken?”

    Me: “No, we only have fried chicken.”

    Customer: “How about broasted… boasted chicken?”

    (Yes, she actually said boasted chicken.)

    Me: “No, ma’am, all we have is plain old fried chicken.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay.” *leaves*

    Boss: “Hey, don’t call the chicken old.”

    Me: *facepalm*

    Your Prank Got Spanked, Part 2

    | Richmond, VA, USA | Top

    Me: “Thank you for calling [hotel], this is John speaking, how can I help you?

    Caller: “I’m trying to get in contact with Mike Hunt.”

    (I check the guest list to make sure we don’t actually have a Michael Hunt staying with us.)

    Me: “Yes, Mr. Hunt is sharing a room with I.P. Freely, and he asked me to give you a message: he said to not call here again until you can come up with something a little more original, you pathetic losers.”

    Caller: *hangs up*

    Related:
    Your Prank Got Spanked

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