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    A Number 666 With A Side Of Brimstone

    , | Newfoundland, Canada |

    (After serving them their fast food, a woman with a family of six runs up to the counter, furious.)

    Customer: “You! You stacked our food wrong! Now my kids are crying!”

    Me: “Pardon?”

    Customer: “Come look!”

    (She brings me down to their table, where their three pre-teens are crying their eyes out and her husband looks incredibly frustrated.)

    Customer: “Look!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I don’t see anything wrong with your food–”

    Customer: “[Child #1] is supposed to eat first, but his food is on the bottom! We won’t be able to get it without moving the other things!”

    Me: “I don’t think I understand.”

    Customer: “He’s the first person on the left! He has to eat first, or Satan will claim his soul!”

    Me: “Uh…”

    (I decide to ask counter-clockwise around the table what everyone ordered, and hand them their food out off the pile.)

    Customer:, “Oh, thank you! You will serve as a warrior of God someday!”

    Me: “…right.”

    (That family still shows up once a month or so, and suffice to say, I always run out to see what order they’re sitting in before I serve their food.)

    Home Of The Disclaimer

    | Detroit, MI, USA |

    Customer: “…and I’d like extra tomatoes on my sandwich, please.”

    Me: “All right, that’ll be [price].”

    Customer: “Why is it so expensive?!”

    Me: “Well ma’am, you asked for cheese, bacon, and extra tomatoes. All those cost extra on the sandwich because they’re expensive products.”

    Customer: “But your policy says that I can have it my way! Why am I being charged?!”

    Me: “You can have it your way…you just have to pay for it.”

    Fast Times At Fry Cook High

    , | Ontario, Canada | Top

    Me: “Hi, what can I get you?”

    Teenage girl #1: “Oh my God… like.. could we talk to the cook?”

    Me: “… what?”

    Teenage girl #2: “Yeah. Could you go get him?”

    Me: “Why?”

    Teenage girl #1: “He’s hot.”

    Me: “Alright, then.”

    (The cook then comes out to talk with them.)

    Cook: “Yes?”

    Teenage girl #2: “Like… what’re you doing after work?”

    Cook: “Going home to see my one month old son and girlfriend.”

    Teenage girl #1: “Oh my God, you have a son!? That’s so gross. You’re so young!”

    Cook: “This is why you use condoms, kids. Stay in school!”

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic

    Chivalry Isn’t Dead, But Your Sex Life Is

    , | Calgary, AB, Canada | Top

    (I’ve just come in from putting out some trash and notice a woman a few meters behind me, so I decide to wait and hold the door open.)

    Female customer: “Excuse me, what are you doing?”

    Me: “I’m holding the door op–”

    Female customer: “No, you’re being sexist! That’s what you are!”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Female customer: “You think that just because I’m a woman I can’t open a door for myself? I’ll have you know that I have been opening doors all my life.”

    Me: “I don’t doubt that, ma’am. I was just trying to be polite.”

    Female customer: “Pig! I am never going to eat here again!”

    (She storms off as my manager, who is also a woman, walks by.)

    Manager: “God, that girl needs to get laid!”

    Raising The Next Always Right Generation

    | Novi, MI, USA |

    (This is at a soup shop where we offer samples.)

    Customer: “Hi. Can I try the **** soup?”

    Me: “Sure, but be careful – it’s very hot.”

    (She proceeds to sip it without grabbing a spoon which is in her line of sight.)

    Customer: “OW! That is really hot!”

    (She hands it to her 6-year-old son who proceeds to do the same thing she just did.)

    Child: “That burned my tongue!”

    Customer: “You should warn people that your soup is hot!”

    Me: “Would you buy the soup if it was cold?”

    Customer: “Absolutely not.”

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