It was dinner time, so my dad took us through the drive-thru at a local fast food joint. They were having a promotion for a “BLT” burger, so I asked for one with pickles and mayo.

When we got home, the entire contents of the sandwich were: buns, burger patty, bacon, pickles, and mayo. There was no lettuce or tomato, the “LT” of “BLT”.

The two lessons learned:

1. You should always, ALWAYS check your order before driving away.
2. Be pedantically precise when picking your toppings.

I used to work at a regional fast food restaurant at the intersection of a very busy road and a side street with a church that couldn’t be seen from the busy road.

The church started to put up signs on our restaurant’s lot to try to direct people to them. When they did, the manager would have someone run out and throw the sign away. A few days later, the church would put up another sign advertising themselves, and again, the manager would have it taken down.

This happened a few more times, with the church’s signs getting bigger, until one day when we got a call.

Manager: “Hello, this is [Restaurant], [Manager] speaking.”

Pause.

Manager: “Oh, those signs? I threw them away.”

Pause.

Manager: “No. that belongs to [Restaurant]; it’s not public property.”

Pause.

Manager: “No, I talked with the owner. He did not give permission for those signs to be there. He told us to get rid of them if they appear.”

Pause.

Manager: “That’s your problem. You’ll have to find another way to attract people because the owner does not want any religious advertising on the property, and he does not want anyone to put signs there without going through him first.”

After that, the place no longer had any issues with unwanted signage.

Two customers get into a fight and draw their guns on each other when it gets a bit heated. One of them goes off, luckily into the ceiling, and they both run away. This means our fast food place is now a crime scene, so the cops are called and we’ve blocked off the entrance.

A customer approaches.

Me: “Sorry, sir, we’re currently closed.”

Customer: “What happened?”

Me: “There was a gun incident. Luckily, no one was harmed, but we can’t reopen until the police say so.”

Customer: “Did they shoot the food?”

Me: “Uh… no?”

Customer: “Then you have no excuse not to serve me! I want a [combo meal] with Coke, and I want a large for the price of a medium for making me wait.”

I’ve been described as a more masculine lesbian, which is fine. I am serving a customer at our fast food place.

Customer: “I’m not comfortable with you serving me because I can’t tell if you’re male or female.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t feel comfortable serving you because I can’t tell if you’re an idiot or an a**hole.”

My sister works in a fast food restaurant, and she’s the worker who hands food to people. She has been playing a game of name association with her coworker, where they try to name celebrities or famous fictional characters based on the names that are on the orders.

This particular order has the name “Wayne,” and she has come up with the alter-ego of Batman. When the car pulls up, she accidentally asks the customer, a somewhat elderly man:

Sister: “Hi, was it for Bruce Wayne— I mean, Wayne?”

Customer: “Yeah, it’s Wayne. What did you say?”

Sister: “Is your name Wayne?”

Customer: “No, before that.”

Sister: *Trying to play it off* “Oh, I was just thinking about something.”

Customer: “Were you thinking about your hot date for tonight?”

Sister: “Nonononono, not at all!”

Customer: “Don’t worry about it. Just remember, marry for money and not love.”

And then he just drove off with his food. What?