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    When You’re Always Right, The Earth Revolves Around You

    , | Kennesaw, GA, USA |

    (While working at the drive-thru window early one morning, a woman starts talking to me as I am waiting on her food.)

    Customer: “Can you name 7 planets?”

    Me: “Uh…I can name 9, if you want to include Pluto…” *names the planets*

    Customer: “What about the sun?”

    Me: “The sun is a star.”

    Customer: “Oh. What about the moon?”

    Me: “The moon is our natural satellite…”

    Customer: “Huh. But it doesn’t move.”

    Me: “The moon revolves around the Earth.”

    Customer: “But the moon doesn’t move. I can see it right now.”

    Me: *hands her her food* “OK ma’am…have a nice day.”

    Haute Cuisine In A Value Meal

    | Manitoba, Canada |

    Me: *in the drive-thru* “Hello, welcome to ****. What can I get for you today?”

    Customer: “Yes, hi, I was just wondering, what are your apple slices?”

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, I don’t understand the question. Are you asking for the price?”

    Customer: “No, I want to know what they are. On the menu it says ‘apple slices’. What are they?”

    Me: “They’re…slices of apple, sir.”

    Customer: “That’s it?”

    Me: “Yes sir.”

    Customer: “Oh. I thought maybe they were something fancier than that. Never mind.”

    Right Next Door But Worlds Away

    | Idaho, USA |

    (I had just finished taking an order for a customer. My parents are from Germany, so I have a slight accent.)

    Me: “That will be $10.87, ma’am. Anything else for you?”

    Customer: “You have a a very neat accent, miss. Where are you from?”

    Me: “I was born in Colorado, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Wow, really? What language do they speak there?”

    Me: “…”

    Employee Of The Year, Part 2

    , | New Zealand |

    (I’m English and backpacking in New Zealand. I’ve just started work in a fast food place and am on the drive through for the first time.)

    Manager: “Okay. What you have to do is talk to the customers and make them feel really welcome. Get a bit chatty if you can.”

    Me: “Okay, no problem. Watch this…”

    (A customer drives down to my window to pay for his food.)

    Me: “Hey there, how you doing? That will be [price].”

    Customer: “Where are you from?”

    Me: “England.”

    Customer: “Whereabouts in England?”

    Me: “Hull.”

    Customer: “ME TOO! I’m from *** Road!”

    Me: “Sweet, I grew up just round the corner from there! Was it a nightmare having them build the new stadium right on your doorstep?”

    Customer: “No way! Yer, was a right pain! Speaking of which, did you see the Tigers play the other night?”

    Me: “Nah, I missed it. I was working. I heard the result though, get it!”

    Customer: “Let’s see if we come out on top at the end of the season! Anyway, I best go pick up my food. I am sure you have other customers to serve. My name is *** by the way. What’s yours?”

    Me: “I’m ***.”

    (We shake hands through the window.)

    Customer: “Nice to meet you man. I will be sure to see you around.”

    Me: “Yeah, have a good day mate!”

    (The customer drives to the next window. I turn to look at my manager who has a look of total disbelief.)

    Me: “And that’s how you do that.”

    Manager: “Yeah, I will leave you to it. I think you got the hang of it!”

    Related:
    Employee Of The Year

    A Snake Eating Its Own Tail

    , | Essex, VT, USA |

    (It’s late at night and only one manager, another employee, and I are working. I’m manning the drive-thru when a car pulls up.)

    Customer: *over speaker* “I just came through the drive-thru, and I got a fish sandwich.”

    Me: “Okay, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “There was a bite in my sandwich!”

    Me: “I’m sorry? Please drive around and I’ll see what I can do.”

    Customer: *at window* “What you can do, young lady, is get me a new sandwich.”

    Me: “Um, sir, nobody here would have taken a bite of your sandwich. Are you sure it didn’t just break off?”

    Customer: “NO! Give me a new sandwich! I just tasted this sandwich and it tasted terrible.”

    Me: “Wait – you bit the sandwich after you found a bite?”

    Customer: “No, you idiot! I bit the sandwich, and I need another one!”

    Me: “…”

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