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  • This Round He Lost (In Translation), Part 4
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    Size Does Matter

    , | San Antonio, TX, USA |

    (I used to work a fast food drive-thru window in which I met very strange and stupid people.)

    Me, through the drive-thru intercom: “Hi, welcome to ***, how may I help you?”

    Man, to one of his kids: “Pick something damn it! I don’t have all day for your sh*t.”

    Me: “Hey ease up, would you?”

    Man, speaking to me: “You little sh*t! You don’t know who you are messing with!”

    (The man speeds up to my window with an angry look on his face. I look at him: a 5’5″, overweight and balding guy. Then he looks at me: 6-foot, 300 pounds of muscle, bone, and a relatively small gut. His expression softens slightly.)

    Man: “…were you the one on the speaker?”

    Me: “Yeah, that was me.”

    Man: “How are you doing? It’s a great day today.”

    Me: *big smile* “How’s the kid doing?”

    Man: “Fine…you aren’t going to take my order, are you?”

    Me: “Nope. My manager has the other headset and he might’ve taken your order if you didn’t piss him off. Have a nice day.”

    (I worked at that place for 2 years and a month before I quit. I still have bad dreams about the place.)

    I Like My Chihuahuas Extra Hot

    , | Calgary, Alberta, Canada |

    (A well-known taco-based fast food joint sold toy chihuahuas that talked when you squeezed them.)

    Me: “Hi, welcome to Taco ***. My name is ***, may I take your order?”

    Lady: “What flavour do your chihuahuas come in?”

    Me: “…they’re toys, ma’am.”

    (And if that wasn’t enough, a few hours later another customer asked how much the talking chimichangas were.)

    The Estrogen Empire Strikes Back

    , | Calgary, Alberta, Canada | Bigotry, Top

    (A customer had a complaint about his food. He refused to let the girl working the register help him.)

    Man: “I want to talk to a manager.”

    Female employee: “Yes, sir.”

    (The employee gets a Shift Manager to help her.)

    Shift Manager: “Can I help you, sir?”

    Man: “No, I want a manager!”

    Shift Manager: “I am a Shift Manager, sir.”

    Man: “I want to see the Store Manager!”

    Shift Manager: “Uhm, okay sir, I’ll be right back.”

    (I was in the office working on the crew schedules for the next week. Sara comes in and asks me to deal with the customer. She didn’t need to explain. I’d heard it all… he was very loud. I went to help deal with the situation.)

    Me: “Can I help you, sir?”

    Man: “I want to see a f**king God-da** Manager! Where’s the @#$%ing Store Manager?”

    Me: “I am the store Manager, Sir.”

    Man: “I want to speak to a male manager!”

    Me: “Sir, all of my Shift Managers are female. As, clearly, am I.”

    (Actually, every person working that day was female.)

    Man: “I demand to speak to your @#%^ @#$%$ #@$% boss!”

    Me: “I can get you a number so you can call my District Manager, sir. Will that be okay?”

    Man: “Finally! DO IT NOW!”

    Me: “Yes, sir. Just a second.”

    (I go into my office and grab one of the District Manager’s cards.)

    Me: “Here you are, sir. If you give HER a call, I’m sure SHE will be happy to help you.”

    (I thought he was going to have a heart attack after that. Purple was definitely not his color.)

    Meatheaded

    , | Regina, Saskatchewan, Canada |

    Me: “Hi, welcome to [local and independent burger joint]. What can I get for you today?”

    Customer: “Hi…what’s on your combination burger?”

    Me: “A beef patty, sauce, onions, pickles, cheese and a chopped bacon patty.”

    Customer: “… And what’s on your mushroom burger?”

    Me: “A beef patty, mushrooms and mushroom sauce.”

    Customer: “…so what’s the difference?”

    Fun With Language Barriers

    , | Seattle, WA, USA | Top

    (I worked at this little burger joint in Seattle. I’m white, but I’m bilingual. Our grill workers all spoke primarily Spanish, so I would talk to customers in English and call back orders in Spanish.)

    Old Man Customer: “Now, what is a pretty young thing like you doing speaking the Dirty Man’s Language?”

    Me: “Excuse me, sir?”

    Old Man Customer: “You should be speaking English! Its only natural, here in America!”

    Me: “It’s just fastest, sir. The language communicates more efficiently in an environment like this.”

    (I was not about to tell him that the grill workers were mostly South American immigrants, after hearing his first reaction.)

    Old Man Customer: “Have some pride in your country! SPEAK ENGLISH when you call back my order, do you understand?”

    Me, knowing full well that his order wouldn’t actually come through if I did that: “I’m sorry, sir. I’m afraid it’s procedure.”

    Old Man Customer: “I want to speak with your manager! This restaurant is just UNAMERICAN!”

    Manager, who had been working the register next to me: “Si, señor?”

    Old Man Customer: *storms out*

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