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  • Always Time For A Rhyme
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  • Freedom Fries Aren’t Free

    | Canada |

    (A customer man tries to pay with with American money.)

    Customer: “What do you mean you don’t take American currency? That’s ridiculous!”

    Me: “Sorry, sir, but it’s a private business, not corporate, and the owner doesn’t accept foreign currency.”

    Customer: “Foreign currency? Bah! We should have conquered you people a hundred years ago!”

    Me: “Actually, sir, America invaded Canada a few times. However, they were defeated each time.”

    Customer: “Yes, well that wouldn’t be the case today! Now give me some good old American fast food! You can’t take that away from me!”

    Me: “Would you like French Fries with that?”

    Driving The Point Home

    | Illinois, USA | Top

    (Note: our Drive-thru has a strict “No Cell Phone” policy. A customer pulls up to our drive-thru while talking on her cellphone.)

    Me: “How may I help you?”

    Customer: *continues talking on cellphone*

    Me: “May I help you?”

    Customer: *continues talking on cellphone*

    Me: “Please end your phone call now, or I will have to ask you to leave our drive-thru.”

    (The customer finally hangs up about 15 seconds later.)

    Customer: “Hello? Hello? Is anyone there? Will someone take my order?!”

    Me: “May I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, what took you so long? No one ever even said anything to me.” *places order*

    Me: “Your total is $xx.xx, first window.”

    Customer: *pulls up to the window*

    Me: “Ma’am, you do know our restaurant has a strict “No Cell Phone” policy in drive thru.”

    Customer: “Well, I wasn’t on my cell phone.”

    Me: “You spent 5 minutes ignoring me asking for your order, and I could hear you talking on your cell phone.”

    Customer: “Well, I most certainly wasn’t!”

    Me: “Ma’am, we have that no cell phone policy. Please don’t use it again in drive-thru, because we might have to ask you to leave the drive-thru if it happens again.”

    Customer: “Why?”

    Me: “Because you took 5 minutes to even start placing your order. That’s 5 minutes we can’t take any other orders.”

    Customer: “This is bulls***! I don’t even have a cellphone!”

    (Suddenly, the customer’s cell phone rings. She picks it up.)

    Customer: “Hello? Oh my gosh, no he didn’t!”

    (It took me another 3 minutes to get her money.)

    Sadly Just Small-Fry

    , | New York, NY, USA |

    Customer: “Hi, I’d like some of your free Wi-fries.”

    Me: “Um, excuse me?”

    Customer: “I heard on your commercial that you were offering free Wi-fries.”

    Me: “Oh, you must have misunderstood. It means we offer free wireless internet here, not free fries.”

    Customer: “Oh man, I was looking forward to trying a new kind of fry.”

    The Wisdom To Know The Difference

    , | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Top

    (I’m with my wife at a well known fast food place, and they employ a young man with special needs who we both know and are very friendly with. An angry customer accosts him at the register.)

    Customer: “S***, they’re taking so f***ing long with my food!”

    Employee: “Just a sec, sir…”

    Customer: “You’d better!”

    (Not three minutes later, the employee comes with the customer’s food.)

    Employee: “Here you go, sir.”

    Customer: “Where’s the f***ing ranch?”

    Employee: “Right away, sir!”

    Customer: “No, forget it! You’ll probably slobber all over it!”

    Wife: “Excuse me, sir, but this young man is doing his job. He’s not doing anything to hurt you, so how about you shut the f*** up!”

    Customer: “F*** you, fat a**!”

    Employee: “She’s a nice lady! There’s a baby inside her, and she’s not fat!”

    Customer: “F*** you!” *storms out, upsetting some chairs*

    Wife, to the employee: “People are so mean to you, honey. I’m so sorry, I can’t believe he said that to you, that a**hole!”

    Employee: *grinning* “Don’t worry about it, Jesus and my mama still love me!” *walks away, the happiest man on earth*

    1 Billion Served (And Eaten)

    , | Texas, USA |

    (I’ve just finished ringing up a customer’s order.)

    Customer: “Is it too late to make the drink and fries big?”

    Me: “Of course not, let me just charge it.”

    Customer, to my manager: “It should be free since she didn’t offer it to me! You should offer it to everyone equally!”

    Manager: “I’m sorry sir, she can’t give it to you for free. We’re all human. We all make mistakes.”

    Customer: “Well, fine! Next time I want to be helped by someone who isn’t human!”

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