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  • A Fowl Plot

    | Sydney, Australia | Food & Drink

    Customer: “Excuse me, these “Wicked Wings” you gave me are hot and spicy.”

    Me: “Yes, I know.”

    Customer: “Well I can’t eat anything that is spicy because of my health. You should have told me they were spicy.”

    Me: “Sorry sir, I assumed you’d known because that’s the only thing you ordered. I’ll give you a refund.”

    Customer: “No, that’s not good enough. You should have told me that they are spicy, it’s your responsibility.”

    Me: “I apologize.”

    Customer: “I thought it was made from the evil chickens or something.”

    No Vocation For Location

    , | Fargo, ND, USA | Food & Drink, Money

    Customer: “Can I have a [competitor's burger] please?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. We don’t do that burger. The [competitor] is across the street.”

    Customer: “But I have a coupon.”

    Me: “That does not change the fact that we don’t serve that burger here.”

    Customer: “Can you read, mister?”

    Me: “Very well.”

    Customer: “Well, I can, too! The coupon says available at all locations, smart-a**!

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    Beverly Spills Chihuahua

    | Plano, TX, USA | Food & Drink, Pets & Animals

    Customer: “My wife and I were wondering if it would be okay to bring our chihuahua in while we eat?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but health department rules say we can’t allow any animals other than service animals in the restaurant.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay. That’s no problem.”

    (He leaves, then comes back in with his wife and a dog-shaped bulge underneath his shirt. My manager, who had overheard the conversation, comes to the register.)

    Manager: “I’m sorry, sir, but it’s a violation of health code to have the dog in the restaurant.”

    Customer: “What dog?”

    (The dog then pokes his head out of the customer’s shirt.)

    Customer: *stammering* “Well, uh, he’ll stay right here. He won’t get out. He’s very clean and has good manners!”

    (A wet spot begins to appear on the man’s shirt.)

    Customer: “Maybe I’ll just go through the the drive thru…”

    Pause For (Lack Of) Thought

    , | Waukesha, WI, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Fast Food Restaurant]. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “Yea, I’m calling about the nuts you put in my son’s ice cream.”

    Me: “Um, sir, we don’t sell ice cream here.”

    Caller: “Yeah, you did. I came in last night.”

    Me: “Sir, this is [Fast Food Restaurant]. We don’t serve ice cream here.”

    Caller: “Yeah, you do. For 49 cents. And you put nuts in my son’s ice cream! I’d like to speak to your manager!”

    Me: “You’re speaking to her.”

    Caller: “Oh, and you said you don’t serve ice cream here?”

    Me: “No sir, we don’t. I think you needed the number for [other restaurant] across the street.”

    Caller: You own both the restaurants?

    Me: “No sir, we don’t. We’re just us.”

    Caller: *long pause* “So what kind of desserts do you sell there?”

    Me: “Cinnamon Twists.”

    Caller: “I hate those things. What else you got?”

    Me: “Cinnamon Twists. That’s it.”

    Caller: “I heard you say that! What else do you have?”

    Me: “That’s it.”

    Caller: *longer pause* “Well, can you concoct something for me if I came in?”

    Me: “No, sir, we can’t do that.”

    Caller: “Oh…”

    Me: “Was there anything else you needed help with?”

    Caller: “No. Just to clarify, you don’t sell ice cream?”

    Me: “That’s right.”

    Caller: *long pause* “You should probably hang up now.”

    Pointless Points

    | Franklin, TN, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling [restaurant]. How can I help you?”

    Caller: *irate* “Hi, I came in yesterday and ate one of your sandwiches and it tasted awful. I want a refund!”

    Me: “I’m sorry to hear about that experience ma’am. Did you say this happened yesterday?”

    Caller: “Yes, it was yesterday.”

    Me: “As in Sunday? You’re sure this happened yesterday?”

    Caller: “Yes. I went through the drive-thru yesterday and got a sandwich that tasted awful!”

    Me: “Yesterday?”

    Caller: “Yes, Sunday, yesterday, what’s the problem?”

    Me: “Well, I’m sorry ma’am, but we’re closed on Sundays.”

    Caller: “Your point?”

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