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    Looking For Excitement In The Workplace

    , | Scottsdale, AZ, USA | Rude & Risque, Theme Of The Month

    (A young man comes into the store and approaches the counter. He is probably about 17 or 18, dressed all in black, with hair down to his waist and fingernails that are about two inches long.)

    Customer: “Hi. I’d like to apply for a job.”

    Me: “Okay, just fill out this application.”

    (He takes the application, fills it out, and leaves. I immediately look through it. Under ‘tell us about yourself’ he wrote: ‘I am a gothic semi-pantophile. The smallest things excite me.’ We has to look up pantophile. It means someone who is sexually aroused by anything. We didn’t hire him.)

    Mayo-Phased

    , | Fort Collins, CO, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (Two girls order a foot-long and split it. One of them wants mayonnaise and the other one doesn’t.)

    Coworker: “Do you want me to wrap this as two six inches?”

    Girl #1: “No, thanks.”

    (They take the sub and leave. About four minutes later, they walk up with a bite taken out of one half.)

    Girl #1: “You didn’t put mayonnaise on my half.”

    Girl #2: “You put mayonnaise on my half.”

    Me: “Did you try swapping them?”

    (The girls blink, look at themselves, and then at me.)

    Girl #2: “Oh, my God. I’m an IDIOT!”

    Girl #1: “I’m SOOO sorry for this!”

    (They walk away laughing.)

    He Has Mama Issues

    | Stettler, AB, Canada | Food & Drink, Funny Names, Wild & Unruly

    (I’m a fairly new cashier at a popular fast food restaurant. Our burgers have names, like ‘Mama Burger’ or ‘Teen Burger.’)

    Customer: *obviously intoxicated* “I want a cheeseburger and I want it hot. I don’t want it sitting in the f******* warmer.”

    (As there is no listing for cheeseburger, I automatically change it to a ‘mama burger’ with cheese.)

    Me: “Of course, sir, that’ll be $7.50.”

    (I continue on with my job, cleaning trays and wiping tables, as someone else bags food. After several minutes I notice the customer is still standing there without his food. There is a bag sitting on the counter, and as I check the receipt I notice it is his ‘mama burger’ with cheese.)

    Me: “Sir, I believe this is your meal here. Your cheeseburger?”

    Customer: “I ORDERED A GODD*** CHEESEBURGER OVER 10 MINUTES AGO! NOT A ‘MAMA BURGER’!”

    (As he continues on, my manager steps in and I quietly go hide in the back room and watch and listen.)

    Manager: “I’m sorry for the mix up, sir. This is a cheeseburger, but in this restaurant it’s called a—”

    Customer: “I DON’T GIVE A D*** WHAT IT’S CALLED. I’VE WAITED OVER 10 MINUTES! THIS IS WHY YOU PEOPLE ONLY MAKE MINIMUM WAGE! ANY MONKEY COULD TAKE YOUR JOBS AND DO BETTER!”

    Manager: *calmly* “I’m sorry, sir.”

    Customer: *snatches food from counter* “I’M SO MAD, I COULD JUST—” *raises his fist to manager’s face* “I SHOULD BURN THIS BUILDING DOWN ON TOP OF ALL OF YOU WORTHLESS PIECES OF S***!”

    Manager: “You should not be out drinking and driving. It puts everyone in danger.”

    Customer: “I’VE NEVER HAD A SIP OF ALCOHOL IN MY LIFE! NO DRUGS EITHER!”

    *storms out with his food*

    Next Customer In Line: “That’s a lie. He has had to be removed by police from [Other Fast Food Restaurant] four times. We’re instructed to phone police if he enters the premises.”

    Me: *comes out of hiding*

    Coworker: “You saw that coming, huh? I was wondering why you were hiding.”

    Me: “This job… It gets better, right?”

    Coworker: “No.”

    A Good Sign

    , | San Jose, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers

    (I pull into a drive-thru for a quick lunch. The cashier greets me and asks for my order, and just as I’m about to give it to her, I notice they have a ‘sorry, cash only’ sign taped up next to the speaker.)

    Me: “Yes, I’d like a— Oh, hold on, I just noticed your sign. Let me make sure I actually have cash on me before I order.” *checks wallet*

    Cashier: “No, sorry, our card reader’s down— Wait, what? You READ the sign? I’m not sure that’s actually ever happened before!”

    Combo Number Four(skin)

    , | Des Moines, IA, USA | Food & Drink, Funny Names, Health & Body, Rude & Risque

    (I’m working the drive-thru at about nine pm. A car comes up and a teenager gives his order of a burger.)

    Me: “And what size do you want for that?”

    Customer: “Uh… circumcise me!”

    Me: “You mean supersize?”

    Customer: “Yeah! Circumcise me.”

    (He drives to the first window, paying. I stick an extra plastic knife in his bag. When he drives to my window, I hand him his food.)

    Me: “Sir, I included one of our plastic knives. Unfortunately, we can’t perform your request here.”

    Customer: “What?”

    (The girl in the passenger seat, presumably his girlfriend, leans over and whispers in his ear.)

    Customer: *eyes widen and looks at me horrified*

    Me: “You did ask.”

    Customer: *steps on the gas and speeds out of the drive-thru*


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