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    I-Scream For Someone To Listen

    , | Dublin, Ireland | Bad Behavior, Extra Stupid, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

    (I am a customer in this story. I’m queuing for ice cream at a mini fast-food stand in a well-known flat-pack furniture shop. Ahead of me is a father and mother with two children, an older girl around 10 years old and a younger boy. The system is that you buy tokens and cones from a cashier, and then put the tokens in an ice cream machine to make your own soft-serve in the cones.)

    Cashier: “These cones are smaller than our usual ones. You have to wrap a napkin around them so the machine registers them. Okay?”

    Father: “Yeah, yeah.” *hands the stuff to his wife and she takes the kids to the ice-cream machine while he gets their furniture*

    Me: “One ice cream, please.”

    Cashier: “Sure.”

    (The cashier hands me my change, my token, and the cone, and repeats the information about the small cones and to be sure to use the napkin.)

    Me: “Okay, thank you!”

    (I follow the mother and children to the ice cream machine.)

    Mother: *repeatedly trying to use the machine* “What is wrong with this stupid machine?”

    Little Girl: “You have to wrap the napkin around the cone, mammy.”

    Mother: *ignoring child* “[Father], the machine isn’t working!”

    Father: *coming over* “Let me try.”

    Little Girl: “You put the napkin around the cone, daddy.”

    Father: *also ignoring child* “Piece of crap machine.”

    Little Girl: “Daddy, you have to put the napkin around the cone!”

    Father: *raising his voice, sarcastic* “I heard you the first time! Thank you for your input!”

    Mother: “Forget it.”

    (The father takes the tokens and cones back to get a refund, while the kids’ faces fall. The mother turns to me.)

    Mother: “The machine is broken. Don’t bother.”

    Me: “Are you sure? The–”

    Mother: “You’re seeing me walk away, aren’t you?”

    (The mother grabs the disappointed kids and stalks off to wait for the father. I step up, wrap the napkin around the cone, pop the token in the machine, and voila! Ice cream! I take the ice cream and go look for my own parents, and immediately walk past the waiting mother and children.)

    Little Boy: “Look, mammy. Why did hers work?”

    (Feeling bad for the kids, I walk off quickly so they don’t have to watch me eat my ice cream. I find my own parents, and we go to our car with our new furniture. As we’re walking, another car screeches out in front of us rudely and dangerously, and drives past: it’s the same family, and the smart, ignored little girl and the disappointed little boy both look out the window to see me still eating the delicious ice cream. Wherever you are, little girl, I hope your parents’ total lack of listening skills aren’t getting you down. You were right!)

    Ordering Like A Headless Chicken

    , | Baton Rouge, LA, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

    (I work at a restaurant that only sells fried chicken. My manager answers the phone.)

    Manager: “Welcome to [Chicken Place]. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “Yeah, [Pizza Place]?”

    Manager: “No, this is [Chicken Place].”

    Caller: “I’d like two large pizzas with–”

    Manager: “Ma’am, this is–”

    Caller: *shouting over her* “PEPPERONI! And I want those green peppers and don’t put on that seasoning stuff–”

    Manager: “No, ma’am, this isn’t a pizza place. This is–”

    Caller: “And on one of those, on half, I want sausage.”

    Manager: “We don’t sell pizza!”

    Caller: “Do you still do that special crust? With the cheese?”

    Manager: “No, we–”

    Caller: “Oh, okay. I’ll just take the regular crust, then. How much is it?”

    Manager: *facepalming incredibly hard* “Ma’am. We do not sell pizza. We sell chicken. This is [Chicken Place].”

    Caller: “Oh. Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

    Too Early To Wake Up And Smell The Coffee

    , | VA, USA | Crazy Requests, Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink

    (I have just gotten off my job, working retail at a clothing store. I stop by a popular, well-known fast food restaurant for dinner. The drive-thru is backed up, and there are several police officers mulling around. Despite this, I’m still hungry, so I go inside and order my food.)

    Me: “So, what’s going on here anyway?”

    Cashier: “This customer won’t move her car away from the pay window in the drive-thru.”

    Me: “Why not?”

    Cashier: “We’re having a promotion where you can get a free coffee during breakfast hours. But it’s 11 pm. She shows up and wants her free coffee, and we tell her it’s only for the mornings, and she refuses to move. So we called the cops. I guess they’ll tow her.”

    Me: “Wow, all that fuss over a free coffee? That’s pretty sad. I understand crazy customers, I work at [Clothing Shop].”

    Cashier: “Honey, until you’ve worked at [Fast Food Place], you ain’t seen s***!”

    Need To Reroute This Transaction

    , | Hokes Bluff, AL, USA | Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

    (I hear my coworker, who is somewhat new, reading our entire list of drinks off to a customer over the speaker. I go over to see what is going on, and hear this.)

    Customer: “I want a ‘route 44!’”

    Coworker: “Yes, ma’am, and what would you like to drink?”

    Customer: “A ‘route 44!’”

    Coworker: “What kind? We have—” *reads off drinks again*

    Customer: *angry* “A ‘ROUTE 44!’”

    Coworker: *to me* “I don’t know what to do. She’s just not getting it.”

    Me: *to Coworker* “They need you over there. I’ll take over here.” *to Customer* “Hi ma’am, what can I get you to drink with your order?”

    Customer: “Oh, my god. I WANT A ‘ROUTE 44!’”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, but a route 44 what?”

    Customer: *screaming* “A ROUTE 44 LARGE! I WANT A ROUTE 44 LARGE!”

    Me: “Ma’am, route 44 is a size. What would you like to drink?”

    Customer: *pauses, mutters something to another person in the car* “I want a route 44 Coke…”

    Taking Action On The Distraction

    , | Estado de México, Mexico | Awesome Workers, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

    (I’m the customer in this story. I’ve come to the mall and on the way out I visit a stall that makes crêpes.)

    Me: “Yeah, I’d like a ham with manchego one, please.”

    Worker: *Inputs the order in the computer* “Would you like chipotle or jalapeño, sir?”

    (I’ve wandered into my own thoughts and don’t listen.)

    Worker: “Sir?”

    Me: *snapping back* “Uh?”

    Worker: “Chipotle or jalapeño, sir?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    (The worker stares at me awkwardly and then I realize what I just said.)

    Me: “Sorry, sorry! Chipotle, please.”

    (The rest of the transaction goes without any trouble and then they proceed to make the crêpe.)

    Worker: “You tell me how much chipotle do you want, sir.”

    (I look at her dabbing a little of the stuff and then adding more and more.)

    Worker: “Uh… are you distracted again?”

    Me: “Not this time. I just like it spicy.”

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