July Theme Of The Month: Great Timing!

One Whopper Of A Mistake

, | Massachusetts, USA | Food & Drink

(A customer walks in and slams a bag down on the counter in front of me.)

Me: “Yes, can I help you, sir?”

Customer: “Yes! I drove all the way home and had to come all the way back here! That young lady right there said my mozzarella sticks were in this bag, but THEY’RE NOT!”

(He points rather exaggeratedly at the girl in the drive thru. I look calmly down at the bag, then up at the customer.)

Me: “Sir, this is McDonald’s. That’s a Burger King bag.”

(He then looks down at the bag and slowly back up at me.)

Customer: “Oh.” *picks up bag and runs out the door*

Also Check Out The Endless “What People Think I Do” Charts

, | Ohio, USA | Rude & Risque

(I am a customer at a restaurant. I’m wearing a shirt from a popular web comic. A woman, also a customer, approaches me.)

Customer: “I love your shirt!”

Me: “Aw, thanks! Are you a fan of [web comic]?”

Customer: “No, I’ve never heard of it, but your shirt is so cute. I just have to have one! Where did you get it?”

Me: “I bought it online. Do you want the name of the website?”

Customer: *suddenly huffy and angry* “Excuse me?”

Me: “Um, do you want the name of the place on the internet that I ordered the shirt from?”

Customer: “Do you think I’m stupid? Are you trying to trick me? There’s no such thing as a website with shirts on it! The only things on the internet are porn and pedophiles!”

Me: *completely speechless*

Nearby customer: “Ma’am, could you please settle down? There are children around, and I’m sure their parents don’t want them hearing about–”

Customer: “Porn and pedophiles!” *rushes out of restaurant*

Let Me Give You A Pita My Mind

, | Ontario, Canada | Food & Drink

Me: “Hi, there. What could I get for you?”

Customer: “Hi. Uh, do you guys sell slices?”

Me: “No, this is a pita shop.”

Customer: “So you don’t have pizza?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “Well, what do you have?”

Me: “Pitas. We’re a pita shop.”

Customer: “Well, what’s a pita?”

Me: “It’s like a wrap.”

Customer: “That’s gross!”

Related:
Let Me Give You A Pizza My Mind, Part 2
Let Me Give You A Pizza My Mind
Giving A Pizza My Mind

Desperate Drive-Thru-Wives

, | Fort Wayne, IN, USA | Rude & Risque

(I’m presenting at the drive-thru of a well-known franchise. A van full of women in their 30s and 40s pulls up. I hand them their drinks and proceed to make small talk with them while waiting for my runner to finish assembling the meal.)

Me: “So, it’ll be just a moment and your food will be ready!”

(As I talk to the driver, she pulls a weird, thick, peach-colored item from her bag. She and her friends start laughing.)

Driver: “Oh, that’s fine, honey! Take your time!”

Me: “Haha, all…right…”

(Suddenly, I realize what the item is. It’s a phallic-shaped pen.)

Me: “That’s…um. That’s an interesting pen you have there, haha!”

Driver: *waving it around* “Oh yes, isn’t it?”

Me: “Er…yes! Here’s your food! You have a good day, now!”

Driver: “Oh, I don’t think this is big enough, but I’ll try!”

(All the women in the van laugh as they drive off.)

Me: *speechless*

Everything Sounds So Delightfully Good

, | Wisconsin, USA | Food & Drink

(Every day, we have soups available. When a soup runs out, we take its card out of the display and put in a placeholder that says something like “Warm Goodness” or “Homestyle Delight” just to fill space. The cards very clearly do not look like the rest of the cards since the normal soups have descriptions where the placeholders say “Try our soups today!”)

Customer: “I’d like some of the Warm Goodness.”

Me: “Well that isn’t actually a soup, it’s just a placeholder. We do have several other soups today.”

Customer: “Silly me. I’ll have the Homestyle Delight instead.”

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