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  • Drive Hoo

    | Atlanta, GA, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Top

    Me: “Welcome to [Fast-Food Restaurant], how may I help you?”

    Customer: “I’ll take a number 1, 5, and 12.”

    Me: “Alright, that’ll be $12.09.”

    Customer: “Woohoo!”

    (The customer drives to the window.)

    Me: “That’s $12.09.”

    Customer: “Woohoo!”

    *pause*

    Me: “$12.09.”

    Customer: “Woohoo!”

    Me: “12.”

    Customer: “Woo!”

    Me: “09.”

    Customer: “Hoo!”

    Me: “12.09″

    Customer: “Woohoo!”

    Me: “…09.12″

    Customer: “Hoowoo!”

    Me: “90.21″

    Customer: “Ooh-oow!”

    Me: “Well played, sir.”

    Wave Of The Future

    | Perth, Australia | At The Checkout

    Me: “Hi, your order comes to $***.”

    Customer: “Is it okay if I pay on my credit card even though it’s under $10?”

    Me: “Sure. May I please have your card?”

    Customer: “Oh, do I actually have to swipe it? Your machines inside don’t need swiping. I just wave my card in my purse and it works.”

    Me: “None of our machines do that, sorry.”

    Customer: “I just hold up my purse and wave it around and it works!” *she begins waving purse, at least half a metre from the Eftpos machine*

    Me: “No, ma’am. It won’t, I’m afraid.”

    Customer: “Oh alright, here’s my card. You really should fix your machines, you know!”

    Killing One Cold Bird With Two Stores

    | Melbourne, Australia | Food & Drink, Funny Names, Top

    Customer: *throws bag of food at me* “It’s f***ing cold! Your chicken is terrible and the bun is stale!”

    Me: “Uh, this is–”

    Customer: “No, shut up! You guys always f*** me over, you’re not getting away with it today!”

    Me: “You didn’t–”

    Customer: “Fine! Get your manager, if you won’t help me. Enjoy being fired, a**wipe!”

    Another customer: “You’re at [fast food outlet], mate. You bought your food from [rival store], next door.”

    Customer: “Oh.” *awkward silence* “Can I have that bag back?”

    Ain’t No Mountain Wry Enough

    | Melbourne, Australia | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Language & Words, Top

    Me: “…and a large Dew.”

    Customer: “I’m sorry, did you just call me a Jew?”

    Customer’s wife: “But honey, you are a Jew.”

    Me: “Oh no, sorry. I meant a large Mountain Dew.”

    Customer: “Oh really? Really, I’m flattered but I’ve never been to the mountains.”

    Me: “Ah, sorry?”

    Customer: *comically bangs his fists against his chest* “I am the large mountain Jew!”

    Customer’s wife: * to me* “I am so sorry about him. Honestly, I can’t take him anywhere.”

    Me: “Really, it’s fine.”

    Customer: “The large mountain Jew goes anywhere he wants to!”

    When Funding Is Poultry

    | Miami, FL, USA | Food & Drink

    Customer: “Hi, can I have the chicken salad without chicken?”

    Me: “Uh, you mean a regular salad?”

    Customer: “No. I want the chicken salad without the chicken.”

    Me: “Ma’am, a chicken salad without the chicken is just a salad.”

    Customer: *stares blankly* “What’s the difference?”

    Me: “There’s no chicken.”

    *customer stares blankly*

    Me: “It’s cheaper?”

    Customer: “Okay! I’ll have that!”

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