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    Raising The Next Always Right Generation

    | Novi, MI, USA |

    (This is at a soup shop where we offer samples.)

    Customer: “Hi. Can I try the **** soup?”

    Me: “Sure, but be careful – it’s very hot.”

    (She proceeds to sip it without grabbing a spoon which is in her line of sight.)

    Customer: “OW! That is really hot!”

    (She hands it to her 6-year-old son who proceeds to do the same thing she just did.)

    Child: “That burned my tongue!”

    Customer: “You should warn people that your soup is hot!”

    Me: “Would you buy the soup if it was cold?”

    Customer: “Absolutely not.”

    Hopefully His Poop Is Invisible Too

    | Ontario, Canada |

    Customer: “Just give me ketchup and mustard on the cheeseburger.”

    Me: “Okay, ma’am.”

    (I start to put the ketchup on the burger.)

    Customer: “I didn’t ask for ketchup! I want a free cheeseburger now!”

    Me: “Oh, I thought you did…”

    Customer: “No, I didn’t. Give me a free cheeseburger.”

    (I send the other cheeseburger back.)

    Customer: “What are you doing?”

    Me: “Getting you a new one?”

    Customer: “What? Why?” I’m going to eat that one!”

    Me: “Well, we can’t give you a free hamburger if you’re going to eat the new one.”

    Customer: “Well, it’s for my baby.”

    Me: “Ma’am, your order is for here, and you don’t have a baby with you.”

    Customer: “Maybe it’s an invisible baby!”

    Me: “… have a great day, ma’am.”

    Say What?

    , | Minnesota, USA |

    Cashier, to me: “Can you please help me? I have no idea what this guy is saying.

    Me: “Hi sir, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I wanna cup of onions and cheese.”

    Me: “Um, we don’t have that on the menu. Did you just want a side of onions?”

    Customer: “NO! I want the onions… those little things.”

    Me: “What do you mean? Did you want a burger with only onions?”

    Customer: “NO! I want onions and cheese!”

    Me: “Ok…” *I go to the back and get some onions in a cup* “Is this what you wanted?”

    Customer: “No. I want a cup of onions and cheese.”

    Me: “These are the only kind of onions we have here, sir.”

    Customer: “No. What is this?” *picks up a milk jug*

    Me: “A jug of milk…”

    Customer: “Yeah, that’s what I want! What is so hard to understand what I’m saying?”

    Me: “I don’t know… but those aren’t onions or cheese.”

    Customer: “It’s a hamburger!”

    Our EQ Just Ate Your IQ

    , | Wisconsin, USA |

    (Our restaurant is in walking distance of an assisted living center so many of regulars are special needs adults. We get a regular group of four people who have to make their order the same way every time. The routine involves the four of them reading the menu board for about five minutes and then one of them ordering each of them a hamburger individually.)

    Me: “Hey! What can I get you?”

    Special Needs Adult: “I would like a hamburger and a hamburger and a hamburger and a hamburger.”

    (An agitated customer who has been standing in line behind the group the entire time chimes in.)

    Customer: “He would like four hamburgers. Can we hurry this up?”

    Special Needs Adult: “No! I would like a hamburger and a hamburger and a hamburger and a hamburger.”

    Customer: “Oh my god!”

    Me: “So if I got this right you would like a hamburger and a hamburger and a hamburger and a hamburger?”

    Special Needs Adult: “Yes, that’s right!”

    Me: “You know what I think you need? A high five!”

    Special Needs Adult: “You know I do!”

    (I high five the guy over the counter and the other three all take a turn getting a high five.)

    Customer: “This is just ridiculous!” *storms out of the store*

    This Land Was Made For Me Not You

    , | Medford, OR, USA |

    Me: “Hello, May I take your order?”

    Customer: “Yes I’d like two bean burritos, 2 fah-jee-tuhs, grilled stuffed burritos, and a large drink.”

    Me: “Fah-jee-tuh?”

    Customer: “Yes!”

    Me: “You mean fajitas?”

    Customer: “No, we don’t pronounce it like that! We’re in America, not Mexico!”


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