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    The Best Looks Come With No Brains

    | Pueblo, CO, USA |

    (I call waiting customers numbers when their food is ready. I notice a customer picks up the wrong item.)

    Me: “Ma’am, you accidentally picked up the wrong meal. This one is yours.”

    Customer 1: “Oh, I know. This one looked better.”

    (The customer walks off with wrong meal.)

    Customer 2: “Excuse me, did she just take my food?”

    Me: “Well, actually yes. I’m really sorry about that, I tried to tell her and she wouldn’t listen.”

    Customer 2: “Well, I don’t blame her. My food looked way better.”

    Can’t Vouch(er) For His Intelligence

    | Miami, FL, USA |

    Me: “How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Cheeseburger and a small coke.”

    Me: “Alright, your total is $2.99.”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: “Your total is $2.99, sir.”

    Customer: “No, it’s not. It’s free!”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “I won some of your scratch off things and got a free cheeseburger and small coke!”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, you should have said that sooner. Well, give me the coupons then.”

    Customer: “I had to bring them?”

    Not A Nice Touch

    | Australia |

    Me: “Hi! What can I get for you?”

    (Customer places his order, pays, and takes his food without saying a word.)

    Me: “Here you are. Have a nice day.”

    Customer: “What if I don’t want to have a nice day, huh?”

    Me: “Um…don’t?”

    Customer: “Don’t be so rude!” *storms out angrily*

    Coworker: “What just happened?”

    Freedom Fries Aren’t Free

    | Canada |

    (A customer man tries to pay with with American money.)

    Customer: “What do you mean you don’t take American currency? That’s ridiculous!”

    Me: “Sorry, sir, but it’s a private business, not corporate, and the owner doesn’t accept foreign currency.”

    Customer: “Foreign currency? Bah! We should have conquered you people a hundred years ago!”

    Me: “Actually, sir, America invaded Canada a few times. However, they were defeated each time.”

    Customer: “Yes, well that wouldn’t be the case today! Now give me some good old American fast food! You can’t take that away from me!”

    Me: “Would you like French Fries with that?”

    Driving The Point Home

    | Illinois, USA | Top

    (Note: our Drive-thru has a strict “No Cell Phone” policy. A customer pulls up to our drive-thru while talking on her cellphone.)

    Me: “How may I help you?”

    Customer: *continues talking on cellphone*

    Me: “May I help you?”

    Customer: *continues talking on cellphone*

    Me: “Please end your phone call now, or I will have to ask you to leave our drive-thru.”

    (The customer finally hangs up about 15 seconds later.)

    Customer: “Hello? Hello? Is anyone there? Will someone take my order?!”

    Me: “May I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, what took you so long? No one ever even said anything to me.” *places order*

    Me: “Your total is $xx.xx, first window.”

    Customer: *pulls up to the window*

    Me: “Ma’am, you do know our restaurant has a strict “No Cell Phone” policy in drive thru.”

    Customer: “Well, I wasn’t on my cell phone.”

    Me: “You spent 5 minutes ignoring me asking for your order, and I could hear you talking on your cell phone.”

    Customer: “Well, I most certainly wasn’t!”

    Me: “Ma’am, we have that no cell phone policy. Please don’t use it again in drive-thru, because we might have to ask you to leave the drive-thru if it happens again.”

    Customer: “Why?”

    Me: “Because you took 5 minutes to even start placing your order. That’s 5 minutes we can’t take any other orders.”

    Customer: “This is bulls***! I don’t even have a cellphone!”

    (Suddenly, the customer’s cell phone rings. She picks it up.)

    Customer: “Hello? Oh my gosh, no he didn’t!”

    (It took me another 3 minutes to get her money.)

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