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    Half Past Wine

    | Scottsdale, AZ, USA | Food & Drink

    (It was past closing time, all the lights were off and the gate was half closed. I came out of the back to find a woman standing in the store.)

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, we’re closed.”

    Customer: *slurred* “But I need to buy some peanut butter.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, you’ll have to come back tomorrow morning, we open at 10.”

    Customer: “I thought you were open till 9? You shouldn’t be closing early. That’s bad business.”

    Me: “It’s past 9, ma’am.”

    Customer: “But the bartender downstairs said it was another half hour until all the stores closed.”

    Me: “How long ago was that?”

    Customer: “It couldn’t have been too long. I only had a couple of drinks after he told me.”

    2 Guys, A Lie And A Burger Place

    | Sebastian, FL, USA | Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers

    (The customer points out an ad on our window asking customers to inquire on how to get a free burger.)

    Customer: “How do you get the free burger?”

    Me: “You call the number on the back of your receipt and after a short survey they give you a confirmation code.”

    Customer: “Yeah, my code is 6610. Now give me my free burger.”

    Me:“Sir, if you’re going to make up a fake code make sure you know how long the codes are.”

    Stop Bean Stupid

    | The Netherlands |

    Customer: “I’d like one cappuccino.”

    Me: “Oh, sorry, we’re out of coffee today.”

    Customer: “That’s okay, I’d only like a cappuccino.”

    Me: “The cappuccino has coffee in it.”

    Customer: “Can’t you just make it without it?”

    Drive Hoo

    | Atlanta, GA, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Top

    Me: “Welcome to [Fast-Food Restaurant], how may I help you?”

    Customer: “I’ll take a number 1, 5, and 12.”

    Me: “Alright, that’ll be $12.09.”

    Customer: “Woohoo!”

    (The customer drives to the window.)

    Me: “That’s $12.09.”

    Customer: “Woohoo!”

    *pause*

    Me: “$12.09.”

    Customer: “Woohoo!”

    Me: “12.”

    Customer: “Woo!”

    Me: “09.”

    Customer: “Hoo!”

    Me: “12.09″

    Customer: “Woohoo!”

    Me: “…09.12″

    Customer: “Hoowoo!”

    Me: “90.21″

    Customer: “Ooh-oow!”

    Me: “Well played, sir.”

    Wave Of The Future

    | Perth, Australia | At The Checkout

    Me: “Hi, your order comes to $***.”

    Customer: “Is it okay if I pay on my credit card even though it’s under $10?”

    Me: “Sure. May I please have your card?”

    Customer: “Oh, do I actually have to swipe it? Your machines inside don’t need swiping. I just wave my card in my purse and it works.”

    Me: “None of our machines do that, sorry.”

    Customer: “I just hold up my purse and wave it around and it works!” *she begins waving purse, at least half a metre from the Eftpos machine*

    Me: “No, ma’am. It won’t, I’m afraid.”

    Customer: “Oh alright, here’s my card. You really should fix your machines, you know!”

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