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    Se Habla Japañol

    , | Springfield, MO, USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words, Top

    (I am taking orders on both lanes at the fast food restaurant. I already have other customers at the second window as someone pulls up to the menu board.)

    Customer: “Hablas español?” (“Do you speak Spanish?”)

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I’ll be with you in just a minute.”

    Customer: “Hablas español?”

    (I say the only thing I know in Spanish.)

    Me: “Lo siento, pero no puedo hablar español. Solamente inglés o japonés.” (“I’m sorry, I don’t speak Spanish. Only English or Japanese.”)

    Customer: *in heavily accented English* “I SPEAK JAPANESE TOO!”

    Me: “Hontoo? Nihongo o hanasu?” (“Really? You speak Japanese?”)

    Customer: “Soo desu yo! Shichi-ban ga hoshii, nomimono wa Sprite desu!” (“Yes I do! I want a number 7 with Sprite!”)

    Me: “Nani mo ga hoshii?” (“Would you like anything else?”)

    Customer: “Chotto.” (“No thank you.”)

    Me: “Hai soo desu, shichi doru san juu sento onegaishimasu. Ni-ban me fune de gozaimasu.”

    (The other customers at the second window are still there with a flabbergasted look on their faces. I hand them their food.)

    Me: “Don’t ask, it’d take too long to explain. Have a nice night.”

    Other Customers: “Sayonara!”

    Hot Flashes Of Inspiration

    , | Minnesota, USA |

    Me: “Here’s your change, ma’am. Have a great day!”

    Customer: “Oh, how pleasant! Excuse me dear, but what is your name?”

    Me: “Why, it’s Katie.”

    Customer: “Katie, huh? Katie… what a gorgeous name! Why, if I hadn’t already gone through menopause, I would have named one of my kids after you!”

    Stealthy Healthy, Part 2

    | Andover, MN, USA |

    (Our fast food outlet just started selling oatmeal yesterday.)

    Me: “Welcome to our store, would you like to try out fruit oatmeal today?”

    Customer: “Wait, that actually sounds healthy. I’m confused.”

    Related:
    Stealthy Healthy

    Sure They Can Cobble Something Together

    | Salem, OR, USA |

    Me: “Welcome to [restaurant], may I take your order please?”

    Customer: “I want a Cobb Salad, no Cobb!”

    Me: “No what?”

    Customer: “No Cobb! I don’t want no Cobb!”

    Me: “Cobb was the chef who invented the salad, he is not an ingredient. We put eggs, tomato, bacon, chicken and blue cheese on our salad.”

    Customer: “Blue cheese! That’s what I don’t want! No Cobb!”

    Me: *giving up* “One Cobb salad, no blue cheese. That will be [price], thank you!”

    (At the window.)

    Customer: “That don’t got no Cobb, right?”

    When Life Presents A Fork, Choose The Right Way

    , | Illinois, USA | Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers

    Customer: *walks up to the counter* “Hey, you guys forgot my fork and croutons!”

    Me: “I’m sorry about that, ma’am. Here you are.”

    Customer: “Well, don’t I get free food because you guys messed up?!”

    Me: “You get a free fork and croutons.”

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