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    Ain’t No Mountain Wry Enough

    | Melbourne, Australia | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Language & Words, Top

    Me: “…and a large Dew.”

    Customer: “I’m sorry, did you just call me a Jew?”

    Customer’s wife: “But honey, you are a Jew.”

    Me: “Oh no, sorry. I meant a large Mountain Dew.”

    Customer: “Oh really? Really, I’m flattered but I’ve never been to the mountains.”

    Me: “Ah, sorry?”

    Customer: *comically bangs his fists against his chest* “I am the large mountain Jew!”

    Customer’s wife: * to me* “I am so sorry about him. Honestly, I can’t take him anywhere.”

    Me: “Really, it’s fine.”

    Customer: “The large mountain Jew goes anywhere he wants to!”

    When Funding Is Poultry

    | Miami, FL, USA | Food & Drink

    Customer: “Hi, can I have the chicken salad without chicken?”

    Me: “Uh, you mean a regular salad?”

    Customer: “No. I want the chicken salad without the chicken.”

    Me: “Ma’am, a chicken salad without the chicken is just a salad.”

    Customer: *stares blankly* “What’s the difference?”

    Me: “There’s no chicken.”

    *customer stares blankly*

    Me: “It’s cheaper?”

    Customer: “Okay! I’ll have that!”

    A Fowl Plot

    | Sydney, Australia | Food & Drink

    Customer: “Excuse me, these “Wicked Wings” you gave me are hot and spicy.”

    Me: “Yes, I know.”

    Customer: “Well I can’t eat anything that is spicy because of my health. You should have told me they were spicy.”

    Me: “Sorry sir, I assumed you’d known because that’s the only thing you ordered. I’ll give you a refund.”

    Customer: “No, that’s not good enough. You should have told me that they are spicy, it’s your responsibility.”

    Me: “I apologize.”

    Customer: “I thought it was made from the evil chickens or something.”

    No Vocation For Location

    , | Fargo, ND, USA | Food & Drink, Money

    Customer: “Can I have a [competitor's burger] please?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. We don’t do that burger. The [competitor] is across the street.”

    Customer: “But I have a coupon.”

    Me: “That does not change the fact that we don’t serve that burger here.”

    Customer: “Can you read, mister?”

    Me: “Very well.”

    Customer: “Well, I can, too! The coupon says available at all locations, smart-a**!

    Related:
    No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 4
    No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 3
    No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 2
    No Fortitude For Longitude
    No Aptitude For Latitude

    Beverly Spills Chihuahua

    | Plano, TX, USA | Food & Drink, Pets & Animals

    Customer: “My wife and I were wondering if it would be okay to bring our chihuahua in while we eat?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but health department rules say we can’t allow any animals other than service animals in the restaurant.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay. That’s no problem.”

    (He leaves, then comes back in with his wife and a dog-shaped bulge underneath his shirt. My manager, who had overheard the conversation, comes to the register.)

    Manager: “I’m sorry, sir, but it’s a violation of health code to have the dog in the restaurant.”

    Customer: “What dog?”

    (The dog then pokes his head out of the customer’s shirt.)

    Customer: *stammering* “Well, uh, he’ll stay right here. He won’t get out. He’s very clean and has good manners!”

    (A wet spot begins to appear on the man’s shirt.)

    Customer: “Maybe I’ll just go through the the drive thru…”

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