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    Willy Always Was A Bit Wonky

    , | Chicago, IL, USA | Food & Drink, Funny Names

    Me: “Hi, how are you today?”

    Customer: “Yes, I would like an oompa loompa.”

    Me: “Oompa loompa?”

    Customer: “Yes, one of those caramel apple oompa loompas!”

    Me: “Do you mean an empinada?”

    Customer: “That’s exactly what I said.”

    Fritzl Be One Of Those Days

    , | Morgantown, WV, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests

    Me: “Hello sir, welcome to [fast food]. What would you like today?”

    Customer: *stares wide-eyed for a few moments* “Well, aren’t you the most adorable creature I have ever seen!”

    Me: “Thank you, sir. Can I interest you in our special today?”

    Customer: “I could just steal you and take you home in my wallet to live in my basement! My wife doesn’t like the basement, but it can be quite homey!”

    Me: “That’s nice, sir.”

    Customer: “Hurry! Into my wallet before anyone else decides to steal you!”

    Half A Brain And A Pound Foolish

    , | TN, USA | Food & Drink

    Me: “Would you like to try our new Texas Toast Bacon Cheese Thickburger?”
     
    Customer: “Nope. I want a… I’m not sure what it is called. But it has BBQ sauce, bacon, cheese and all that.”
     
    Me: “Okay, that is our Texas Toast Bacon Cheese Thickburger.”
     
    Customer: “Yeah, sure.”
     
    Me: “Okay, would you like to add fries and a drink for a combo?”
     
    Customer: “Nope, no combo.”
     
    Me: “Okay, would you like the quarter, third, or half pound for that?”
     
    Customer: “For what?”
     
    Me: “The size of the meat patty; you can get either the quarter, third, or half pound.”
     
    Customer: “I’m not stupid; I can read a sign. Is the half pound the biggest?”
     
    Me: “Yes, sir.”
     
    Customer: “So, the quarter-third is next size down?”
     
    Me: “No, sir. Those are two different sizes. The third is smaller than the half, but larger than the quarter. The quarter is smallest of all.”
     
    Customer: “Oh, okay. I will have the quarter-third.”

    (I contemplate for a moment, then ring him up for a third pound.)
     
    Me: “Okay, is that going to complete your order today?”
     
    Customer: “What about some fries and a coke?”

    Se Habla Japañol

    , | Springfield, MO, USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words, Top

    (I am taking orders on both lanes at the fast food restaurant. I already have other customers at the second window as someone pulls up to the menu board.)

    Customer: “Hablas español?” (“Do you speak Spanish?”)

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I’ll be with you in just a minute.”

    Customer: “Hablas español?”

    (I say the only thing I know in Spanish.)

    Me: “Lo siento, pero no puedo hablar español. Solamente inglés o japonés.” (“I’m sorry, I don’t speak Spanish. Only English or Japanese.”)

    Customer: *in heavily accented English* “I SPEAK JAPANESE TOO!”

    Me: “Hontoo? Nihongo o hanasu?” (“Really? You speak Japanese?”)

    Customer: “Soo desu yo! Shichi-ban ga hoshii, nomimono wa Sprite desu!” (“Yes I do! I want a number 7 with Sprite!”)

    Me: “Nani mo ga hoshii?” (“Would you like anything else?”)

    Customer: “Chotto.” (“No thank you.”)

    Me: “Hai soo desu, shichi doru san juu sento onegaishimasu. Ni-ban me fune de gozaimasu.”

    (The other customers at the second window are still there with a flabbergasted look on their faces. I hand them their food.)

    Me: “Don’t ask, it’d take too long to explain. Have a nice night.”

    Other Customers: “Sayonara!”

    Hot Flashes Of Inspiration

    , | Minnesota, USA |

    Me: “Here’s your change, ma’am. Have a great day!”

    Customer: “Oh, how pleasant! Excuse me dear, but what is your name?”

    Me: “Why, it’s Katie.”

    Customer: “Katie, huh? Katie… what a gorgeous name! Why, if I hadn’t already gone through menopause, I would have named one of my kids after you!”

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