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    Burn Me Twice, Flame On Me

    , | Australia |

    (Note: I’m a customer and overhear this conversation.)

    Worker: “Hi, what can I do for you?”

    Customer:“I bought this garlic bread, and I burnt my hands and my mouth.”

    Worker: “Oh, how did you burn both?”

    Customer: “It was too hot in my hands, so I put it in my mouth…”

    Minor Dramas Are Major For Minors

    , | Indianapolis, IN, USA |

    (The customer rips the lid off of the shake I just hand her and frowns.)

    Customer: “What is this?”

    Me: “That’s a vanilla shake.”

    Customer: “No it isn’t. I want a vanilla shake.”

    Me: “Well, I made it myself so I promise you it’s vanilla. Would you like me to remake it?”

    Customer: “No, I just want a vanilla shake! This doesn’t look like vanilla at all. It’s all yellow.”

    Me: “Ah, the vanilla syrup gives the shake a yellow tinge. It’s
    supposed to look like that.”

    Customer: “Oh, it’s not ME you have to convince, it’s the seven year-old in the car. He won’t be happy!”

    Fowl Behavior, Part 3

    , | Kelmscott, WA, USA |

    Me: “Hello, sir, can I take your order?”

    Customer: “Uh, yeah…can I have two whole roast chickens?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we are all out at the moment. If you come back in 30 minutes, there will be some chickens available”

    Customer: “But what about those chickens over there?” *points at plastic display chickens*

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but those are display chickens. They are not real.”

    Customer: *raises voice* “I reckon those chickens are real and you’re just trying to keep them for yourself!”

    (The customer stabs the chicken with a plastic knife from our tray. A chunk of polystyrene is taken out.)

    Customer: “Oh, I guess you were telling the truth. I’ll come back in half an hour.”

    Related:
    Fowl Behavior, Part 2
    Fowl Behavior
    Fowl Play

    A Calculated Whisk

    | Waukesha, WI, USA |

    (A customer arrives to pick up the meal he ordered over the phone.)

    Me: “So you would like to add to chocolate shakes to your phone in order?”

    Customer: “Yes, please.”

    (I crack out calculator to add the two orders and sales tax.)

    Customer: “Typical! Teenagers can’t solve any problems without a calculator.”

    Me: “Okay then, what’s your total?”

    Customer: “I don’t know. Let me see the calculator.”

    Kill The Bill, Double The Trouble

    , | Ohio, USA |

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we cannot accept $50 bills. It’s against our security policy.”

    Customer: “When the h*** did this happen?”

    Me: “Two years ago, ma’am.”

    Customer: “I was in here last week and paid with a $100 bill.”

    Me: “Ma’am, our register wouldn’t allow us to enter $100 bills. Do you happen to have a credit card?”

    Customer: “What’s your name! I want to speak with your manager!”

    Manager: “What’s the problem?”

    Customer: “Your staff is lying by telling me he cannot accept a $50 bill. I was in here last week and paid with a $100 bill!”

    Manager: “I was on register all last week, ma’am, and I would have told you the same thing. It’s against our policy to accept bills $50 or larger.”

    Customer: “FINE!” *rips the bill in half* “HOW ABOUT NOW?”

    Related:
    Sometimes, Even Yoda Isn’t Enough


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