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  • Vulgar Verbage

    , | Colchester, CT, USA | Rude & Risque

    (I am making casual conversation with a pleasant customer, who is however, somewhat odd. At some point, a coworker of mine joins the conversation.)

    Customer: “Hey, those shirts look kinda tight on you guys.”

    Me: “Yeah, the green sizes run smaller than the blue ones, I think.”

    (The customer points to my coworker.)

    Customer: “Yeah, her shirt is like, vagina-ing open on her chest.”

    Simple Menus Vs. The Simple-Minded

    , | Australia | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (Our shop has a very basic menu of chicken burgers, chips, and chicken pieces.)

    Me: “Hi, how are you today?”

    Customer: “I don’t know what this is…”

    (The customer stares blankly at the menu for about 10 seconds.)

    Customer: “No. No! I don’t know what any of this is!” *walks away*

    Me: *speechless*

    Give Me Whatever Moos, Part 2

    , | Peterborough, ON, Canada | Food & Drink

    (I’m working the drive thru. We only have 2 kinds of chicken sandwiches: grilled and crispy.)

    Me: “How may I help you?”

    Customer: “I’d like an original chicken sandwich, please.”

    Me: “The grilled chicken or the crispy chicken?”

    Customer: “The original chicken sandwich.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, grilled or crispy chicken?”

    (The customer starts listing his toppings.)

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, I need to know if it’s grilled chicken or crispy chicken.”

    Customer: “No, the original chicken. The burger. We are talking about beef, right?”

    Related:
    Give Me Whatever Moos

    Do Unto Others

    , | Cape Carteret, NC, USA | Food & Drink, Top

    (This takes place toward the end of my shift in the drive-thru. Everything has been slow for awhile.)

    Customer: “Two cheeseburgers and that’ll be it.”

    Me: “Okay sir, your total will be–”

    (The customer drives ahead to the window before I can finish.)

    Me: “Evening, sir. Your total will be $2.14.”

    Customer: “I KNOW how to add!”

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, but I wouldn’t be doing my job if I didn’t give you your total.”

    Customer: *hands me money* “I know, I’m sorry.”

    Me: *makes change* “Long day?”

    Customer: “Yeah, lot of customers being a**holes.”

    Me: “Yeah. I know the feeling. Have a nice day!”

    Next They’ll Be Huffing Parmesan

    | Canberra, Australia | Food & Drink, Top

    (I have been out the back making dough before serving the customer. I haven’t had time to clean myself up a bit, so I have flour on my shirt.)

    Me: “Hi, how can I help you today?”

    Customer: *looking at my shirt* “Can I speak to the manager right away, please?”

    Me: *confused* “Um, okay.”

    (I call the manager over.)

    Manager: “What seems to be the problem, ma’am?”

    Customer: “I want to complain about this employee. He has drugs on his shirt. He should be fired immediately!”

    Manager: *joking* “But, then, where would I get my supply from?”

    Customer: *looks shocked, and then storms out of the store*

    Next customer in line: “Can I get a Hawaiian pizza on the thin base with extra drugs, please?”

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