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    Will That Be Paper Or Plastic

    , | Kildare, Ireland | Food & Drink, Money

    Customer: “Can I get a cheeseburger and a bottle of water?”

    Me: “Yes, that’s $3.70, please.”

    (The customer holds out five napkins and starts counting them. He then hands them to me as payment.)

    Me: “Sorry, do you have $3.70?”

    Customer: *points at napkins* “Yea, there! Look!”

    Me: “Those are not money. Do you have any money to pay?”

    Customer: “Yeah! I’m paying with napkins!”

    Coworker: “Sorry, we only take money…”

    (Eventually, security had to come and him (and his napkins) away from the tills.)

    The Secret Is In The Sauce

    , | Baltimore, MD, USA | Food & Drink

    (We moved to America because my dad’s work was transported to a new port. He is very bad with English, so many hilarious moments ensued when he buys food. At the moment, this fast food restaurant is heavily marketing one of its burgers. My dad decides he wants to try one.)

    Cashier: “Hello, how may I help you today?”

    Dad: “Yes, I would like the Big and Nasty Burger, please!”

    Cashier: “Excuse me?”

    Dad: “The Big and Nasty Burger!”

    Cashier: “Um, do you mean the Big and Tasty Burger, sir?”

    Dad: “Yes, that’s what I said! The Big and Nasty!”

    Having Funion With Food

    , | York County, ME, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Health & Body

    Me: “Any veggies on your sandwich?”

    Customer: *mumbles*

    (I think I hear “onions” and reach for them.)

    Customer: “No, no, no, no, no, no, NO! No onions, no onions, no, no, NO!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, no onions then. What did you say?”

    Customer: *repeats veggie order*

    (I get to ringing her up and she begins to apologize.)

    Customer: “I’m sorry if I startled you.”

    Me: “Oh, it’s okay.”

    Customer: “It’s just…I don’t like onions.”

    Me: “It’s really okay.”

    Customer: “No, you don’t understand. You would have had to remake my sandwich. I hate onions! They make me want to vomit! Vomit everywhere!”

    The Short, Rainbow-Colored Bridge From Injured Pride To Pride Parades

    , | Minnesota, USA |

    (A customer and his son approach the counter. Note that the son is no more than 11 or 12 years-old.)

    Customer: “Hey, my son has something to ask you.”

    Me: “Yes?”

    Customer’s son: “Will you wanna go out with me?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “Come on, it’s his first time asking a girl out! If you turn him down, he might get discouraged and go gay. You don’t want to turn him gay, do you?!”

    Little Bite-Sized Lies

    , | Winnipeg, MB, Canada |

    (It’s 11:30 pm and the fast food restaurant I work at has already closed at 11:00 pm. I am standing at the counter finishing the cashout when a customer walks in.)

    Customer: “Hi, give me a teen burger combo.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we’re closed now. The restaurant was only open until eleven.”

    Customer: *ignores me* “I’d like onion rings instead of fries.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I can’t make you any food right now. Everything is off and we are closed.”

    Customer: “What? That’s f***ing ridiculous! My daughter is in the hospital and I need to get something to eat!”

    Me: “I’m sorry about that, ma’am, but I can’t re-open the store for you.”

    Customer: “That’s bulls**t! What the f*** am I supposed to do now?!”

    Me: “Well, I believe there’s a another fast food restaurant just down the street that’s open 24 hours–”

    Customer: “No! No! Don’t f***ing tell me to go there! My nephew is in the hospital and I am not going to bring him food from another f***ing restaurant!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I thought it was your daughter in the hospital.”

    (The customer freezes for a moment before realizing her mistake.)

    Customer: “F*** you!” *leaves*

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