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    Press One For Faster Service

    , | CA, USA |

    (I am taking orders on a headset while also taking money at the window. A customer drives up to my speaker.)

    Me: “Hi, welcome to [restaurant]. What can I get for you today?”

    Customer: “No hablo inglés!”

    Me: “Un momento…”

    (I take the money from the customer at the window, planning to get a Spanish speaking manager as soon as I can. After a few minutes…)

    Customer: “Okay, fine! I speak English!”

    May Cause Belief In Humanity To Melt Away

    , | Wigan, England, UK |

    Customer: “I’d like to order a large whopper meal with a Coke, please.”

    Me: “Certainly.”

    (After serving the customer, she goes to sit outside on a rather warm, summer afternoon. Ten minutes pass, and she comes back inside looking rather annoyed.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, but I’d like a replacement drink.”

    Me: “May I enquire as to why, madam?”

    Customer: “The ice in this one has melted!”

    Working Drive-Thru Is A Scream

    , | Bristow, VA, USA |

    (I’m working the drive-thru window.)

    Me: “Hi, you had a number two with a coke. That’ll be $6.45.”

    Customer: “Okay, sure.”

    (She rummages in her wallet.)

    Me: “Thanks.”

    (I gather her change.)

    Customer: *screaming in my face* “I’m paying! I’m paying!”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. I know you’re paying. I’m just getting your change. They’re bagging your order right now.”

    Customer: “Okay, great.”

    (There is a pause while I check her order. Suddenly, I hear her screaming.)

    Me: *very concerned* “Ma’am? What’s wrong?”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: “You screamed.”

    Customer: “No, I didn’t.”

    Me: “You definitely did. The whole drive-thru staff heard you.”

    Customer: “You’re mistaken.”

    Me: “Okay then. Here’s your food. Number two with a soda. Can I get you any condiments?”

    Customer: *screaming in my face* “I’m eating! I’m eating!”

    Me: “So, no condiments?”

    Customer: *bellowing* “Goodbye! GOODBYE!”

    Lost In No Translation, Part 2

    , | Newport Beach, CA, USA |

    Me: “What can I get you, sir?”

    Customer: “WHAT?!”

    Me: “What can I get you, sir?”

    Customer: “Ham and swiss on rye.”

    Me: “What would you like for your side?”

    Customer: “WHAT?!”

    Me: “What. Would. You. Like. For. Your. Side?”

    Customer: “Are you speaking French?”

    Related:
    Lost In No Translation

    Doesn’t Have The Drive To Succeed

    , | Melbourne, Australia |

    Me: “Just drive around to the next window and your order will be ready there.”

    Customer: *looks worried* “Where is the next window?”

    Me: “Just around the corner.”

    Customer: “But I can’t see it.”

    Me: “That’s because it’s around the corner. Drive around the corner and you will.”

    Customer: “I hope I don’t get lost!”

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