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    Here Today, (Not) Gone Tomorrow

    , | Melbourne, Australia | Extra Stupid

    (A man approaches the counter.)

    Me: “Hello, sir, what can I get for you today?”

    Customer: “Yes, I was wondering what days you guys are closed.”

    Me: “We’re open everyday.”

    Customer: “Yes, but which days aren’t you open?”

    Me: “None. We are open every day.”

    Customer: *irritated* “Are you deaf? Which days AREN’T you open?”

    Me: “Sir, we are open on days that end with the letter Y.”

    Customer: “Right! So you’re open 4 days a week! Why didn’t you just say that?”

    Illegal Tender

    , | Australia | Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink

    (I work late at night at a well-known fast food chain. We often get customers who are a little bit under the influence at night.)

    Me: “That comes to $23.95, thanks.”

    (The customer goes through his wallet and pockets and comes up about $5 short.)

    Customer: “Do you want to buy some weed off me so I can pay for this order?”

    Hashpocalypse Now

    , | Sydney, Australia | Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (I’m working the breakfast shift when a man comes in with his children who look about 5 or 6. He orders a large amount of food.)

    Customer: “And can I get…four hash browns with that?”

    Me: “Certainly.”

    (I type in the total and show it to him.)

    Customer: “What? $4.80? Are you kidding?”

    Me: “That’s how much it is.”

    Customer: “No way! That’s too expensive! I can’t justify that. Get rid of them!”

    (I cancel the last item while the customer continues ranting.)

    Customer: “It’s also the fact that they’re just hot oil! I can’t give my kids that poison!”

    Me: “What?”

    Customer: “This whole place is poison! All of it! You know the cancer charities you guys set up? Your food is causing the cancer that those kids are dying from!”

    Me: “Uh…”

    Customer: “You’re poisoning people! Poisoning my kids! Working here, you kill more people a year than smoking!”

    Me: “Really?”

    Customer: *mimicking me* “‘Really?’ Why don’t you do some bloody research before you start a job, girl?!”

    Me: *speechless*

    Customer: “This whole place is evil! You should have a freaking skull and crossbones out the front! I can’t justify buying hash browns and poisoning my kids!” *leaves with his kids and his food, minus the evil hash browns*

    Warning: Reacts Poorly To Chemistry

    , | Ohio, USA | Food & Drink

    Customer: “And a cheeseburger with—” *mumbling*

    Me: “I’m sorry, but with what?”

    Customer: “No salt. S, A, L, T.”

    Me: “Oh, salt, like sodium chloride…NaCl. Sure.”

    Customer: “What!?”

    Me: “Oh, sorry, I’m a chemistry nerd.”

    Customer: “What’s NaCl?”

    Me: “Sodium chloride. The chemical name for table salt. I just left school so I am in that mindset.”

    Customer: “You put chemicals in your burgers!?”

    Weekend Roundup: Don’t Mess With Employees

    , , , | Not Always Right Archives | Roundups

    Introducing Weekend Roundups: each week, we’ll be featuring some of our favorite stories from the Not Always Right archives.

    Don’t Mess With Employees! This week, we feature five stories that teach misbehaving customers the consequences of messing with employees.

    1. In Real Hot Sauce Now:
      A young teenage employee decides her dignity is worth more than £3.71 and dealing with a cowardly manager.
    2. A Good Ol’ Fashioned A** Whoopin’:
      A customer tries to rough up an employee, but ends up getting roughed up by the manager instead.
    3. Hard Drugs And Harder Pharmacists:
      Teenage robber, meet Doug. Doug is our new pharmacy tech. Doug is also built like a fridge.
    4. Who’s Got The Power Now:
      Tech support is happy to support your technology. Supporting your potty mouth, not so much.
    5. Your Prank Got Spanked:
      A prank caller picks the wrong, well-armed store to call.
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