Me: “Welcome to ***, may I take your order?”

Drive-thru customer: “Yeah, I’ll take the double cheeseburger.”

Me: “Okay, would you like to make it a value meal?”

Drive-thru customer: *screaming* “DON’T INSULT MY INTELLIGENCE! IF I WANTED A VALUE MEAL, I WOULD HAVE SAID VALUE MEAL!”

Me: “Fine, that will be $1.87 at window two.”

(He drives up, I take his money and hand him the food.)

Drive-thru customer: “I’m gonna need ketchup for the fries.”

Me: “Sir, you only ordered the sandwich, not the value meal. I can ring up an order of fries now if you’d like.”

Drive-thru customer: “No, you screwed up my order! I’m NOT paying for extra fries!”

(Fed up, I throw some fries in a bag and hand them to him.)

Customer: “Wait, is it too late to substitute onion rings??”

Me: *slams window shut*

(I work at a fast food restaurant and was taking money. My co-worker was taking drive-thru orders right beside me.)

Coworker: “Hi there, welcome to ***. What can I get for you today?”

Customer: “Give me one ranch wrap. That’s all.”

Coworker: “Would you like your wrap crispy or grill?”

Customer: “No, I want it ranch.”

Coworker: “Yes, but would you like the chicken crispy or grilled?”

Customer: “RANCH!”

Coworker: “CRISPY OR GRILLED?”

Customer: “LISTEN TO ME, YOU LITTLE SH–oh, um, crispy…”

Me: “Hello ma’am, and welcome to ***. What can I get for you today?”

Woman w/ son: “I’d like two burgers, one of them on a sesame-seedless bun, please.”

Me: “I’m terribly sorry, but we’re actually out of seedless buns right now.”

Woman w/ son: “How dare you! My son has deathly allergies to a lot of things, I’ll have you know!”

Me: “Ma’am, is he allergic to sesame seeds?”

Woman w/ son: “No, he isn’t.”

Me: “Well, ma’am, the only difference between seeded and seedless buns are the sesame seeds, so it will be fine for your son to eat one with seeds.”

Woman w/ son: “HOW F**KING DARE YOU! YOU DON’T TELL ME WHAT MY SON CAN OR CANNOT EAT! I WANT A SEEDLESS BUN, D**N YOU! GET ME YOUR MANAGER!”

Me: “Yes, of course. Just one moment.”

(I go and get the manager and explain the situation. My manager, NOT a people person, grabs a seeded bun and proceeds to the front with a knife.)

Manager: “HERE IS YOUR D**N SEEDLESS BUN!”

(My manager slices off the top half of the bun and throws it on the counter.)

Me: “Have a nice day, ma’am.”

Woman w/ son: “Oh, shut the f**k up.”

Related:
Even Bosses Have A Stupid Quota, Part 2
Even Bosses Have A Stupid Quota

(A man walks through the service door into the kitchen of the restaurant. I work the drive-thru, right next to the service door.)

Me: “Can I help you?”

Man: “Hi, I’d like to order some food.”

Me: “Um, I think you went in the wrong door, sir.”

Man: “No, I didn’t. That door says ’service’ on it.”

Me: “Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to go up front to the dining room.”

Man: “Can’t you just take my order here?”

Me: “Um, I suppose…”

(I take his order, make his drink, and the cooks make his food. I hand it to him.)

Man: “Thanks! I’ll be sure to come back!”

Me: “Can you use the main door next time?”

Man: “Why? I got such good service through the service door!”

(As soon as he leaves, the cooks and I burst out laughing.)

Customer: “Do your smoothies have egg whites in them?”

Me: “Yes, the thickening powder contains dry egg whites.”

Customer: “Can you make it without the powder then?”

Me: “Not really, because then your drink would just be orange juice and ice.”

Customer: “Oh, can I have the powder on the side, then?”

Customer: “Do you have anything without calories?”

Me: “Not except water, no. But I can make the baked potato with chili beans with no butter, making it more low-fat than anything else you’ll be likely to find around here. ”

Customer: *rolls eyes* “Well, if that’s the best you can do…”

(My store has a drive-thru menu board before the actual board where customers order. It only has pictures on it, no electronics of any sort.)

Me: “How can I help you?”

Customer: “I already gave my order to the first guy and he told me to pull up to the second board.”

Me: “That’s not possible, ma’am. There’s no one who could take your order at that first board. Can I take your order?”

Customer: “I already told you I gave my order to the first guy. He knows it. Ask him.”

Me: “Could you repeat it for me?”

Customer: “NO! I’m driving up now.”

(The customer drives up and I finally get her to repeat her order, which turns out to be a lot of food. I ask her to pull to the front door, which is literally twenty feet from the drive-thru window. Instead, she drives out of the drive-thru lane, drives around the entire store, and comes back in the drive-thru lane. She pulls up and looks at me again.)

Customer: “I told the guy at the first board that I was parked and he told me to pull right up. I hope you are nice because the last girl was really rude to me.”

Me: “…”

Man: “I want to get a drink.”

Me: “Sure. We have Coke, Diet Coke, Sprite, lemonade, root beer, iced tea, shakes, or smoothies.”

Man: “I’ll have an orange soda.”

Me: “I’m sorry, we only have Coke, Diet Coke, Sprite, lemonade, root beer, iced tea, shakes, or smoothies.”

Man: “I’ll take fruit punch.”

Me: “No, we only have Coke, Diet Coke, Sprite, lemonade, root beer, iced tea, shakes, or smoothies.”

Man: “Pink lemonade?”

Me: “It’s regular yellow. Is that okay?”

Man: “No, I’ll have the raspberry tea.”

Me: “It’s unsweetened.”

Man: “What kind of place is this?! Is there ANYTHING to drink here?”

Me: “YES! Coke, Diet Coke, Sprite, lemonade, root beer, iced tea, shakes, or smoothies.”

Man: “I’ll just have a cup of ice.”

Me: “…”

(This is a friend’s experience while working at a popular fast food place on the overnight shift.)

Employee: “Thanks for calling, how may I help you?”

Customer: “Hi. I came through drive-thru earlier tonight, and there’s something wrong with my food.”

Employee: “Um, okay…what’s wrong exactly?”

Customer: “Well, I ordered ***, and there was a used condom on the sandwich.”

Employee, holding in a laugh: “Sir, that’s impossible. We don’t practice safe sex here.”

Customer: “Well played.” *hangs up*

Me: *preparing a gyro wrap for a customer* “Would you like cheese on it?”

Customer: “Oh my God, no! I’m a VEGAN! Don’t you know what they do to cows in those horrible farms? They force them to get pregnant all the time, and then they take away their babies and kill them so we humans can steal their milk! Dairy products are cruelty! ”

Me: “Okay, okay. No cheese. Moving along. What sauces would you like on that?”

Customer: “Tzatziki sauce, please.”

(Note: the particular brand of tzatziki we purchased included both yogurt and sour cream.)

Me: “Ah, I’m afraid that’s a dairy prod–”

Customer: “I DON’T CARE! PUT IT ON!”