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    Signed His Own Fate

    , | USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Money

    (We had a bad storm the night before that disconnected our store’s internet which is used for the credit cards. We have signs posted on the doors and on the registers that we cannot accept credit or debit cards. We can accept only cash or checks.)

    Me: “Hello. Is this for here or to go?”

    Customer: “For here. I’d like to use these coupons.”

    Me: “Okay.”

    (I ring up his order which comes to around $35 even with the coupons. He hands me a debit card.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. We cannot accept cards at the moment.”

    Customer: “Well. I guess I’ll have to go elsewhere.”

    Me: “Okay, sir. Sorry for the inconvenience.”

    Customer: “Y’all need to have signs up for that.”

    Me: “You walked past two when you walked in, sir, and there’s one right there in your face.”

    Customer: *shamefully walks out*

    Party Crashed And Burned

    , | Fairborn, OH, USA | Food & Drink, Holidays, Themed Giveaway

    (For the past couple of days we’ve had signs on our doors indicating the dining room would be closed for a Christmas party. The night of the party, I come up to the door carrying a dish in a stone pan. The manager opens the door to let me in when a customer runs past me, inside the dining room.)

    Me: “What was—”

    Manager: “Hold on.” *closes the door behind me* “Now we shouldn’t have customers trying to come in.”

    (I set the dish down and go to get my second load from my car. When I get back, a family of customers is seated in a booth next to the food my coworkers and I have brought in.)

    Customer: “Hey, you! What is with that food?”

    Me: “We’re having a Christmas party.”

    Customer: “You are?”

    (I look at my coworkers, and then at the decorations and the games we have set up.)

    Coworker: “Yes! We closed at nine.”

    Customer: “You did?”

    Manager: “We have signs up saying that we did.”

    Customer: “Well, I didn’t see those.”

    Manager: “Because you ran past my employee, who was carrying stuff in for it.”

    (The customer blushes and helps his family pack up to leave.)

    Makes You Either Laugh Or Cry, I’m Telling You Why

    , | UK | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Holidays, Themed Giveaway

    (I am working on a till in the run-up to Christmas. I’m 20, but I look a bit younger. A customer and I have been chatting about her plans for the day ahead.)

    Customer: “Do you work here full-time?”

    Me: “No. I’m actually only on contract for eight hours per week, but I’m doing about thirty at the moment, with Christmas coming up.”

    Customer: “Oh. I don’t know about all that. I say to my children, they’re about your age, I think you’re old enough to know by now—” *drops into a stage whisper* “—there’s no Father Christmas. Thank you. Have a nice day!”

    (When the customer is gone, my supervisor comes over.)

    Supervisor: “You look like you’re in shock. What happened?”

    Me: “She told me Santa’s not real…”

    Some Customers Are Just Worth Recording

    , | Cupertino, CA, USA | Awesome Customers, Bizarre, Food & Drink, Technology

    (I’m working in the drive-thru.)

    Me: “Hi. Welcome to [restaurant]; what can I get for you today?”

    Customer: “Are… are you a recording?”

    Me: “Yup. I’m absolutely a prerecorded message to take your order and make your day just a little brighter!”

    Customer: “Oh. Well… I’ll have [order].”

    (The customers drive up to the window to pay. I look at them amusingly.)

    Me: “Am I a recording?”

    Customer: *laughs* “Sorry. You were just so chipper that we thought you were a recording!”

    Me: *chuckles* “It’s no problem. I’ve been up for three hours already and I’m loaded up on caffeine! Anyway, your order comes out to [total].”

    Customer: “Okay. So, if I drive off right now, do you get to keep the change?”

    Me: “Umm… That hasn’t happened before, so… maybe?”

    Customer: “Okay. Well, have a great day, then!”

    (The customers drive up to the next window to pick up their food. They very kindly leave me with a $15 tip!)

    Arguing To The Bitter End

    , | USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (First thing in the morning we had a mishap which resulted in both our tea urns to be filled with sweet tea. Unfortunately, several customers got sweet tea instead of unsweet before we noticed the mix up.)

    Coworker: *over headset* “Look out! This customer got the wrong tea and is really mad!”

    (As my coworker speaks, a customer speeds up to my window. As soon as I open the window she throws her tea at me and starts screaming.)

    Customer: “I’ll get you b******s for this! How dare you do this to me! I demand compensation for my troubles! You little s***s could have killed me!”

    (Although soaked in sticky tea, I make her a new drink. I get an okay from my manager to pacify her with a small dessert item. Meanwhile, she has been screaming through the closed window the whole time.)

    Me: “Here is your tea, ma’am. Again, I’m sorry for the mix up.”

    Customer: “Don’t you lie to me. I know you don’t give a s*** about me or any of your other customers!”

    Me: “In any case, ma’am, my manager has offered you a small dessert item for your troubles. We have chocolate chip or oatmeal cookies. We also have hot apple pies.”

    Customer: “I can’t have any of that crap! I can’t have any sugar or I’ll DIE! See, you don’t care at all. Lying little b****! I’ll never eat here again!”

    (Later in my shift during lunch, a very familiar woman comes up to the counter and targets me.)

    Customer: “You! You need to get me two dozen of each of your cookies. Make it fast!”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. Four dozen cookies comes to [price].”

    Customer: “Oh, h*** no! I was told I’d get them for free! You f*****d up my order this morning. The manager said I could have free cookies! Just ask them.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I assure you the manager did not agree to give you four dozen cookies for free.”

    Customer: “Yes, they did! I hope you’re fired for this. You are just as rude as that little b**** that sabotaged my order!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I did not sabotage your order. While I did offer you a small bag of cookies or an apple pie this morning, you turned it down. At no point was there ever an agreement that you could come in at your discretion and demand cookies from us. I’m sorry, ma’am. I must ask you to leave if you are not going to place an order.”

    (A look of slow realization passes her face when she recognizes me as the employee she harassed earlier.)

    Customer: “Well, fine! I didn’t want your crummy cookies anyway!”


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