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  • Remain As Cold As Ice

    , | GA, USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Wild & Unruly

    (I’m a manager in a well-known fast food restaurant.)

    Customer: “You a**holes are trying to kill me!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, what’s the problem?”

    Customer: “You stupid mother-f***ers are trying to kill me!”

    Me: “I assure you we’re not trying to kill you. Could you please tell me what’s wrong?”

    Customer: “I ordered a [Soda] with no f****** ice, and you stupid mother-f***ers filled the cup with ice! I am deathly allergic to ice!”

    Me: “I’m really sorry about that, ma’am. Let me fix that for you.”

    Customer: “You’d better fix it. And I want my f****** money back, you stupid mother-f***er. I’m going to call the district office and have you all fired.”

    Me: “Sure. I need to get that number from my office, as well as a refund slip for you to sign.”

    (She continues to call me assorted names as I walk away.)

    Me: “Sorry about the wait. Just print your name and sign. You can include a contact number if you’d like the district manager to call you.”

    Customer: “I’m calling the f***ing office first thing tomorrow morning.”

    Me: “I apologize again. Here’s your money, and here’s your [Soda], no ice, to which you are deathly allergic. I’m really sorry for the inconvenience. Have a good night.”

    (She leaves the store still cussing up a storm.)

    Next Customer: “That was amazing. Your facial expression didn’t change a bit the whole time.”

    Me: “That’s because a decade of working customer service has left me dead inside. Now I’m going outside for a cigarette to try to finish off the rest of me.”

    (The next morning I got a phone call from the district manager about how I was rude and unsympathetic to her serious medical issue, which she conveniently didn’t explain to him. I faxed him the refund slip with the reason for refund: Customer is deathly allergic to the solid form of water. He ended up praising me for not physically assaulting her.)

    Pranks For Breakfast

    , | Wheat Ridge, CO, USA | Bad Behavior, Bizarre, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

    (I’m 16, working in McDonald’s over the summer, and for this particular shift I’m taking orders in the drive-thru. It’s about three in the afternoon.)

    Me: “Welcome to McDonald’s. What can I get for you?”

    Customer: “I’ll have an Egg McMuffin.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, that’s one of our breakfast items, and we stopped serving breakfast at 10:30.”

    Customer: “Okay, I’ll just have some hash browns.”

    Me: “Sadly, that’s another breakfast item.”

    Customer: “Hot cakes!”

    Me: “Breakfast item again, sir.”

    Customer: “Okay, I’ll have a Whopper with cheese.”

    Me: “I’d be happy to serve you one of those, but they’re sold at the Burger King a block down the road. We have Big Macs.”

    Customer: “I’ll just have a drink. Medium Frosty, please.”

    Me: “And for that, you’ll have to go to the Wendy’s across the street. We just have regular milkshakes.”

    Customer: “Medium Coke, then.”

    Me: “Lovely! That’ll be $1.08. Please pull around to the first window.”

    (I used the moment it took the car to pull around to take a deep breath before I turned to take the customer’s money, and saw him looking back at me with the biggest grin ever, laughing at himself.)

    Me: “Hi, Dad.”

    Buy One, Get One Free a From Thought

    , | Canada | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (A customer presents me with a buy one get one free for a burger.)

    Customer: “How much would this come to?”

    Me: “That’s [price].”

    Customer: “Okay, and how much would it be if I didn’t use the coupon and only got one burger?”

    Me: *That’s [same price].”

    Customer: “But how come it’s the same price?”

    Stupidity That Defies Explanation

    , | London, England, UK | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Money

    (I work in a fast food restaurant as a cashier. A grumpy old man approaches my counter with a voucher.)

    Me: “Good morning. How can I help?”

    Customer: “I’ll have a bacon and egg muffin with a coffee, and I have a voucher.”

    (I take the voucher and ring it up at the discounted price.)

    Me: “That’ll be £1.99, please.”

    Customer: “What?” *complete with a puzzled/angry expression*

    Me: “That’ll cost you one pound and 99 pence, sir.”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “…I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “I want to use this voucher, for a free coffee.”

    Me: “Yes, with the voucher that costs £1.99.”

    Customer: “No, no.”

    Me: “Yes, it does, sir. The voucher is for a ‘free coffee with the purchase of a muffin.’ The bacon egg muffin is £1.99, and that’s all you’re paying so the coffee is free.”

    Customer: “NO, I want a BACON AND EGG MUFFIN, and I want to use this voucher for a free coffee.”

    Me: *at a loss for words* “Well… yeah, that’s fine, but it will cost you £1.99.”

    Customer: “No, I’m not following you. You’ve lost me.”

    Me: “Okay. You want a bacon egg muffin, and a coffee, yeah?”

    Customer: “Yeah.”

    Me: “Right, and you have a voucher. It says if you BUY a muffin, the coffee is free, yeah?”

    Customer: “Yeah.”

    Me: “Okay. So you must buy the muffin, which costs £1.99—”

    Customer: “—no! I want to use the voucher.”

    Me: “I’m sorry but I can’t explain it any more simply than that. The voucher says you need to buy a muffin to get a free coffee.”

    Customer: “You’ve lost me; I want to speak to someone else.”

    (I find my manager, who comes to my aid.)

    Manager: “Hi, what was it you wanted?”

    Customer: “I want a bacon and egg muffin and a coffee with this voucher!”

    Manager: “Okay that’ll be £1.99 please.”

    (The customer hands over £1.99 with no qualms! I can finally serve the idiot.)

    Customer: *in a condescending tone* “That wasn’t difficult now, was it?”

    Me: *in an even more condescending tone* “Nope, it really wasn’t.”

    Should Have Put A Lid On It

    , | FL, USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words, Rude & Risque

    (The customer enters the restaurant and looks confused. I take his order and notice he often mumbles words to himself. Once he is done ordering I hand him his cups which he goes to fill up and once he comes back, I notice he has a lid on only one cup.)

    Me: “Sir, do you need a lid for that second drink?”

    Customer: *thinks for a moment* “Nah, I already blew my lid this morning.” *walks away*

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