(Holding a large box of straws, I walk out towards the customers side of the registers during lunch time at a busy shopping center fast food restaurant, to refill all the straw holders.)

Me: “Excuse me, sir…”

(I walk up beside the customer, but still giving him some space despite the fact it was busy and crowded.)

Angry Customer: “To hell with that c**p, Why do you get to go first? I’ve been waiting here for TEN MINUTES!”

Me: “I’m just…”

Angry Customer: “You’re just impatient, thats your problem, wait in line like the rest of us.”

(A lot of other customers were staring at him, he had clearly not even realized I was in uniform.)

Me: “Sorry sir, I work here and I need to refill these straws, a lady complained before because all the straw holders had run out.”

Angry Customer: “Well why are you doing that NOW? Couldn’t you have picked a better time to do it?! I lined up here and all I want is a lousy meal and your in my way…” *continues on and on*

Me: “Look, it’s our policy to not hand out straws because of hygiene reasons, so I must refill the straws so the customers can take them themselves so they can you know, drink?”

Angry Customer, loudly: “You’re very rude. I want to talk to your manager immediately!”

Me, sarcastically, as he had not noticed *MANAGER* on my name badge: “Hi, I am the manager on duty. My name is ****. What seems to be the problem?”

(Other customers nearby giggle/laugh.)

Angry Customer: “Well thats just f**king great, what a piece of s**t place anyway. F**k!”

(Angry customer storms off after wasting about 15 minutes of his life over some straws.)

Customer: “Yes, do your combo meals come with a Coke?”

Me: “Yes ma’am, they come with fries and a drink.”

Customer: “But what if I wanted something other than Coke?”

Me: “Well, you fill your drink yourself around the corner over there, so you can get whatever you want.”

Customer: “Oh, okay.” *customer places order*

Me: *sets out tray with receipt on top*

Customer: *looks at receipt, suddenly frowns* “Hey, it says ‘Coke’ on here for a drink. I didn’t order a Coke!”

Me: “That just means you ordered a drink.”

Customer: “But I didn’t want a Coke!”

Me: “That’s fine, ma’am. You can put whatever you’d like in your drink at the drink machines back there.”

Customer: “BUT IT SAYS COKE ON THE RECEIPT!”

Me: “All of the soft drinks are the same prices. It doesn’t matter what it says on the receipt.”

Customer: “Oh…” *leaves with her cup and fills her drink*

Coworkers: *laugh for the next ten minutes*

(Customer has pulled up the the drive-thru after ordering a coffee.)

Customer: “Can you add the cream and sugar for me?”

Me: “It’s against policy to do that to prevent contamination.”

Customer: “Well, what if I had no arms?”

Me: *dumb founded*

Customer: “If I spill the cream as I’m adding it while driving, I’m going to sue you!”

Me: “Sir, you’re in a parking lot. You can pull over.”

*customer speeds off*

Manager: “If he didn’t have arms, how would he be driving?!”

Customer at a drive-through: “Do you have orange juice, not an orange drink?”

Me: “Yes, we have orange juice.”

Customer: “I asked if you have orange juice, not an orange drink!”

Me: “And I said we do have orange juice…”

Customer, yelling: “Why don’t you answer my question!”

Me: “I did…twice…”

Customer: “F**k you! I don’t need to take this!”

Me: “Oooookay then…”

(My mom and I did long shifts at the restaurant we worked at, from 10 AM to 9 PM. Around 6:30 PM we received a call from a customer.)

Customer: “Hi, I’m calling in for a complaint.”

Me: “Okay, what’s the problem?”

Customer: “Yeah, I came in this morning and ordered some food, but the guy there, he just PUNCHED me in the face!”

Me: “Wh…you’re saying somebody working here punched you? When?”

Customer: “It was today around noon. The man working there punched me. So can I get some free food? ‘Cause it really hurt. I mean, I could sue you guys.”

Me, trying really hard not to laugh: “I’m sorry, sir, we can’t do that. My mother and I have been working here since the restaurant opened and I assure you, neither of us have punched you in the face. Also, we only have female employees…”

Customer: “…Oh.” *click*

Related:
How To Scam A Scammer, Part 3
How To Scam A Scammer, Part 2
Lesson 1, How To Scam A Scammer

(A little kid comes running up to counter and points at our menu board above my head.)

Kid: “I want that one!”

Me: “The taco or the burrito, honey?”

Kid’s mother: “Don’t point! That’s rude. You have to tell her what you want.”

Kid: “I want the taco.”

Me, turning to the mother: “Ok. What can I get for you?”

Kid’s mother: *points* “I want that one.”

Me: “Hi, welcome to *****. Can I help you?”

Me: “Yes please, you sell doonoo?”

Me: “I’m sorry? Do we sell what?”

Me: *points at menu board* “You know, noots!”

Me: *looks up to where he’s pointing which is a picture of some bagels* “Bagels?”

Me: “No! Noots! Doonoots!”

(This went on for several minutes, both of us getting more and more frustrated until…)

Me: “Wait, are you saying nuts?”

Me: “Yes, yes!”

Me: “We have peanuts for our ice cream sundaes.”

Me: “No, no, no. DOOnoots!”

Me: *with a huge smile of understanding* “You mean doughnuts?!”

Me: “Yes!!”

(Keep in mind we had been working on this for a good five minutes. He now looks so excited that what I say next nearly breaks my heart.)

Me: “No, I’m sorry. We don’t sell doughnuts.”

Customer in the drive-thru: “Hi, I’d like a BK Veggie.”

Me: “Sir, you’re at Hardee’s, not Burger King. We don’t have any vegetarian entrees.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. Thanks anyway.”

(Customer sits there for a few minutes before driving away)

(Our mall opens at ten, so the restaurant does not serve breakfast)

Customer: *gazes at menu board* “I’d like an Egg McMuffin, please.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, we don’t serve breakfast at this location.”

(Customer, still gazing at menu, which lists no breakfast items)

Customer: “Well, can I get an order of Hotcakes and Sausage?”

Me: “Ma’am, we do not serve breakfast here since we can’t open before ten.”

(Customer ceases looking at menu board gazes at me for a moment)

Customer: “You don’t serve breakfast?”

Me: “Uh…no.”

Customer at the drive-thru window: “I’d like my order to-go.”