• The Medium Suddenly Felt Very Small
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    Not Feline This Sub

    , | ON, Canada | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Pets & Animals

    (I work in a popular sandwich shop.)

    Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’d like a tuna sub please.”

    (I make the sandwich and the customer pays and leaves. Forty minutes later the customer comes back with an oddly mulled sandwich.)

    Customer: “Hi, I’d like to exchange this for a new sub.”

    Me: “I’m sorry. Was there something wrong with the tuna?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “Then what’s wrong with it?”

    Customer: “I brought it home and went to get something done. I came back to the kitchen and my cat was on the table eating it.”

    Me: *blinking in shock* “I’m sorry, sir, but we aren’t responsible for your pets eating your food…”


    (I can be very sarcastic when annoyed.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we can’t. We can, however, see about getting your cat its own sub card.”

    (The customer proceeded to throw the sub, which was filled with cat hair, on the counter and scream at my me, threatening to call corporate on me before storming out. If the cat was rating the sub we’d have gotten two paws up because most of it was gone.)

    H2-Slow, Part 8

    , | Ottawa, ON, Canada | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (An ‘Iced Cappuccino’ is a popular beverage at a particular fast food chain all across Canada. It’s made with a very sugary syrup and ice.)

    Customer #1: “I’d like an iced cappuccino please.”

    Me: “Sure thing. Anything else?”

    Customer #1: *turns to friend* “Do you want one?”

    Customer #2: *looking horrified* “Oh, my goodness, definitely not. I’ll just have a water, please!”

    Customer #1: “Oh, I thought you liked those?”

    Customer #2: *dead serious, looking appalled* “I will NEVER drink those again, I JUST found out that they have more fat in them then water! Can you believe that!?”

    Customer #1: “…Um.”

    Customer #2: “Shocking, right? I just found out!” *turns to me* “Can you believe that!?”

    Me: “…Um.”

    Customer #2: *to me, scolding voice* “You guys should really be advertising that to your customer… Iced cappuccino’s have more fat than water.”

    H2Slow, Part 7
    H2Slow, Part 6
    H2Slow, Part 5

    On The Need For Hazard Pay, Part 9

    , | USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Health & Body

    (I am in high school. I work at a fast food restaurant. Part of the uniform includes a hat or visor. On this day I am taking orders at the front register. I am handing back change to an older male customer who has been normal so far.)

    Me: “Okay, sir, here is your change and your order will be ready in a sec.”

    (I then go to take the next customer’s order when the older man grabs the brim of my hat and looks me directly in the eyes.)

    Older Man: “Oh, I thought you had brown eyes.”

    (A coworker then places his food on the tray and the man walks away without another word.)

    Next Customer: “I promise I won’t touch you. I just want a burger.”

    On The Need For Hazard Pay, Part 8
    On The Need For Hazard Pay, Part 7
    On The Need For Hazard Pay, Part 6

    A Diminishing Set Of Returns

    , | Sydney, NSW, Australia | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Rude & Risque

    (I am working the drive-thru pretty late at night. A man that seems to be in his mid-20’s pulls up.)

    Customer: “I’d like to order [Item].”

    Me: “Sure, would you like a drink with that?”

    Customer: “A Coke.”

    (He deliberately mispronounces it so it sounds like something a lot ruder and snickers.)

    Me: “Ah, sure. What size?”

    Customer: “I don’t know. What size do YOU think it is? What size suits me?”

    (At this point I’m fed up with his poor attempt at innuendo.)

    Me: “Well, sir, we don’t have an extra small, but I can give you a small. Please drive through.”

    (He shut up pretty quickly, and didn’t even speak to me for the rest of the transaction. I served him a few times after that and he was always very quiet!)

    Going Whacko Over A Taco

    , | Florence, KY, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers

    (I am working in the drive-thru, when a customer who is always missing food pulls up to the window.)

    Me: “Your total is [total].”

    Customer: “Can I have some sauce, too?”

    Me: “Yeah, no problem.”

    (That’s when I recognized him. I repeat his order and make sure there is absolutely nothing wrong and he agrees with me. I quadruple check the bag and show all the employee’s so everyone knows he got all his food. I even take a picture. He comes back in five minutes later.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, is there a problem?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I didn’t get my taco.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but the taco was in the bag when I gave it to you.”

    Customer: “Well, it’s not in there now.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but when I handed you the food it was in there.”

    Customer: “Well, where is it then? Cause it’s not in there.”

    (He proceeds to show me the bag.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but you must have taken it out because it was in there when I handed it to you.”

    Customer: “Okay. Okay. I’ve seen you walking around, man. I’ll find you.”

    (He really just threatened me. Like, wow. So I show him the picture.)

    Customer: “…That’s not my food.”

    Me: “Sorry, sir, it was. I just took it a couple minutes ago right before I gave you your food.”

    Customer: *silence*

    Me: “Now do you want to threaten me again, or do you want to leave?”

    (He left.)

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