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    Please Pull Up To The Next Fast One

    , | Maine, USA | Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers, Top

    (I am working the first window of the drive-thru taking people’s money. Our store has a policy that if you don’t get a receipt or if you are not offered a receipt, then your order is free. A man comes up to my window and shoves a wad of bills and change into my hand and immediately drives off to the next window. I don’t think much of it, because the guy had exact change. A short time later, my manager comes up to me.)

    Manager: “A customer is insisting on getting their food for free. He says that you didn’t give him his receipt nor ask him if he wanted one.”

    (I explain to my manager what happened, and then go and talk to the customer.)

    Me: “Sir, you didn’t give me a chance to offer you a receipt or to complete the transaction. As soon as you gave me your money, you sped off.”

    Customer: “That’s NOT what the sign says! It’s not my fault you’re slow! I was not given a receipt, correct? You did not ask me if I wanted a receipt, correct? Therefore, I get my food for free!”

    (My manager decides not to argue with the man and refunds his money. A few days later, a man places an order and I am pretty sure it is the same customer. Sure enough, I immediately recognize him when he pulls up to my window. Again, he shoves a wad of bills and change at me. However, I don’t reach out to take it just yet.)

    Me: “Good evening, sir! Would you like your receipt today?”

    Customer: “D*** it! You recognized me, didn’t you?”

    Androcles And The Liquor

    , | Missouri, USA | Food & Drink

    (We have a difficult customer who comes in every day with his wife. Usually, he is just fine, but if he doesn’t get his coffee exactly right, he throws a huge fit. He’s even made a few girls cry from screaming at them.)

    Me: “Good morning! How are you doing today?”

    Difficult Customer: “Not good. I need my coffee.”

    Me: “Yes, sir! Coming right up!”

    Difficult Customer: “And, one other thing…”

    Me: “…Yes?”

    Difficult Customer: “Can I get a shot of whiskey in that?”

    Me: “If I could give you coffee and whiskey, I think we would all have a better morning!”

    Teaching A Righteous Dimwit Is Stressful

    , | USA | Geeks Rule, Language & Words

    (My friend and I are really big Doctor Who fans, and we are also crafty. One day, she makes me a T.A.R.D.I.S. bracelet out of duct tape. FYI: the T.A.R.D.I.S. is the Doctor’s transport and is in the shape of big, blue police box. I am working in the drive-thru when this took place.)

    Me: “Hello, that is going to be [price].”

    Customer: *hands me her money*

    Me: “Your change is [amount].”

    Customer: “What an interesting bracelet!”

    Me: “Oh, thank you. A friend of mine made it.”

    Customer: “What is it supposed to be?”

    (I’m holding my hand out so that she can take a better look at it.)

    Me: “It’s a Tardis.”

    Customer: *blank look*

    Me: “Ma’am?”

    Customer: “That is just terrible!”

    Me: “Huh?”

    Customer: “Using the ‘R’ word isn’t bad enough for you kids? Now you have to come up with some slang term? That is terrible!”

    Me: “The… ‘R’ word?”

    Customer: “RETARD!”

    Me: “Ma’am, the Tardis is a shop from a sci-fi show… not slang for retard.”

    Customer: “Don’t you give me any excuses, little missy. You are in a lot of trouble. Wearing something to promote calling retards retarded is despicable. I need to speak to your manager!”

    (Despite trying to explain otherwise, my manager had to give her a free coupon to keep her from calling corporate to complain. I also can’t wear the bracelet to work anymore. It sometimes sucks being a nerdy girl in a small town.)

    Have It X-Ray

    , | Ontario, Canada | Crazy Requests

    (I work in a fast food restaurant that opened less than a year ago. Our phone number used to belong to an outpatient X-Ray and ultrasound clinic.)

    Me: “Hello, [fast food restaurant].”

    Caller: “I’m calling the results of my X-ray.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but this is [restaurant]. We don’t do X-rays here.”

    Caller: “I just need my results.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but we don’t have them here.”

    Caller: “Who are you?!”

    Me: “This is [restaurant].”

    Caller: “What do you have there?”

    Me: “We are a fast food place. We sell mainly hamburgers.”

    Caller: “Well, I don’t need that! You sure don’t have my results there?”

    Me: “Very sure.”

    Caller: “Well, do you know who has them?”

    Me: “Your family doctor, maybe?”

    Caller: “Do you have their number?”

    Me: “…I’m sorry, but no, I don’t.”

    Caller: “Well, you’re no help!” *hangs up*

    Water You, Dense

    , | Michigan, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Math & Science, Top

    (I’m working the front counter. A customer comes inside carrying one of our large cups of soda. She pushes past several other customers who are waiting in line and slams the cup down onto the counter.)

    Customer: “I just came through the drive-thru and they f***ed up my order yet again! It’s not that hard, so I don’t know why you idiots can’t handle it.”

    Me: “Sorry about that. What were you missing?”

    Customer: “Nothing! It’s my drink! I ordered a large Diet Coke with the ice on the bottom.”

    (She rips the lid off of the cup. As one would expect from any soda currently obeying the laws of physics, the ice is floating on the top.)

    Customer: “What does that look like to you?!”

    Me: “Well, it looks like the ice is floating on the top.”

    Customer: “Exactly! You’re going to dump this out and remake it, with the ice on the bottom this time!”

    Me: “I’m not sure that’s possible. Ice floats, ma’am. I can’t make it stay on the bottom of the cup.”

    Customer: “What are you talking about? Just put the ice in the bottom of the cup.”

    Me: “But when I fill it with soda, the ice is going to float up to the top anyway. It’s just how it works.”

    Customer: “You don’t know what you’re talking about. Just make it work.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, maybe I’m just not understanding you. If you could just show me over at the self-serve drink station, I can tell everyone else how to do it properly next time.”

    (The customer storms over to the station and empties her cup. She proceeds to fill the cup with ice, casting me smug looks over her shoulder, and then dispenses soda into the cup. When it is full, she looks down at the cup in disbelief. The customer dumps out her soda and makes another attempt. After three or four tries, she finally caps the cup again and walks out of the store, avoiding eye contact with me.)

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