Nothing But Air Between His Bun

, | Hertfordshire, England, UK | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Food & Drink

(I work in a burger restaurant. We’ve just started a new promotion with two new burgers.)

Me: “Hi there. Can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, umm… Can I try your new burger?”

Me: “Sure. Is that the cheddar burger or the Mediterranean chicken burger?”

Customer: “Uh… what’s the difference?”

Me: “The cheddar burger is a beef burger with cheddar cheese, while the Mediterranean is a chicken burger with peppers and salsa.”

Customer: “I… I don’t know?”

Me: “This one…” *points to picture* “…is our new beef burger, and this one…” *points to another picture* “…is our new chicken burger.”

Customer: “Oh right! So, can I get the new one?”

Me: “Chicken or beef, sir?”

Customer: “Uh… chicken? I guess?

Me: “So, just to check you want the Mediterranean chicken burger? This burger here?”

Customer: “I think so.”

Me: “Okay. Anything else for you?”

Customer: “So, what have I ordered?”

Me: “This burger here, sir.” *points to picture again* “The Mediterranean chicken burger.”

Customer: “Wait, what’s in it?”

Me: “Crispy chicken, peppers, lettuce, salsa and mayo. Is that okay?”

Customer: “Yeah, sounds good!”

(I hand the customer his meal and he walks off. He’s back about 10 minutes later, with half of the burger.)

Customer: “Erm, this isn’t what I ordered.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I thought you wanted the Mediterranean chicken?”

Customer: “No. I wanted the new burger. That one!” *points at cheddar burger picture*

Me: “Oh, right… Okay. I’ll just get that for you. Have you already eaten half of the chicken burger?”

Customer: “Yeah, sorry! I didn’t realise until now that it wasn’t the beef one.”

Interested In Another Kind Of Bun

, | Vernon, BC, Canada | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Theme Of The Month

Me: “Welcome to [Fast Food Chain]. My name is [Name]. What can I get for you?”

Customer: “Hey, [My Name], I’d like a large double-double.”

Me: “Anything else for you?”

Customer: “Yo, do you have any hookers?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “You know, hookers.”

Me: “Yeah, no. We don’t carry those here, sorry.”

Customer: “Aw, man! Well, whatever, I guess we’ll try [rival fast food chain right next to ours].”

Me: “Sounds like a good plan.”

(I almost got in trouble for saying ‘no’ to a customer and referring them to our rival, until my boss learned what they had been asking for!)

Customers Give You Crabs

, | Rehoboth Beach, DE, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

(I am working drive-thru. The customer I get sounds drunk, but I don’t think too much of it until he gets to the window. The customer is in the rear seat of the car; the driver is sober.)

Me: “Good evening. Your total is [total].”

Customer: “Okay… so that’s… uh…”

(The customer stares at the money in his wallet for a moment, before handing me a wad of bills.)

Me: “Alright, here’s your change and your recei—”

(I turn to hand the customer his change, to see that he now has a large brown paper bag on his lap. He looks at me, then reaches in the bag and pulls out a crab covered in Old Bay seasoning.)

Customer: “D’you want a crab?”

Me: “Er… no, thanks.”

Customer: “You sure? They’re really good!”

(The customer tries to hand me the crab anyway.)

Me: “I’m sorry. We’re not allowed to take tips.”

Customer: “Awww… that sucks. Well, you have a nice night.”

Me: “Here’s your change. You have a good night, too!”

(Later, my coworkers ask what took so long. They couldn’t believe he’d offered me crabs! Probably because we all were wondering what he was doing getting fast food when he had something better!)

A Burger, A Side Of Obnoxiousness, Hold The Manners

, | Germany | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Wild & Unruly

(I am ordering inside at a fast food restaurant. There aren’t many people inside but several cars lined up outside at the drive in and most burgers are sold out.)

Me: “I’ll have a [burger].”

Cashier #1: “Alright, but I fear you’ll have to wait a bit. Those are out right now, and several other customers are waiting for one as well.”

Me: “That’s not a problem; I’ll just wait here.”

(I’ve waited for several minutes with my cashier constantly apologizing to me about it taking so long, when another customer stomps in and goes to the next register.)

Cashier #2: “Welcome, sir, how can I help you?”

Customer: “I’ll have a [same burger as me] and some fries.”

Cashier #2: “Yes, sir, I apologize in advance, but the burgers are out at the moment and you’ll need to wait a bit.”

Customer: “Hmph! You’d better hurry up. I’m paying good money for this.”

(After about two minutes of waiting, the customer starts to curse at the cashiers about being idiots and not working at all. This goes on for several more minutes until the first burger is done and my cashier starts to pack it up for me.)

Customer: “Oi, that’s my burger! Give it to me now!”

Cashier #1: “I’m terribly sorry, sir, but this lady here came in first and therefore it’s hers.”

Customer: “Stop talking nonsense! Give it to me!”

Cashier #2: “No, sir, that’s not your burger. We will give it to her.”

Customer: “I’ve been waiting for ages now. I demand you to give me my burger. NOW!”

Cashier #1: “But sir it’s—”

Me: “Ah, just give the burger to him. This poor bloke is probably starving since he lost all his manners already.”

Cashier #1: “Are you sure about this?”

Me: “Yep, absolutely. After waiting this long, a few more minutes won’t make it any worse.”

(The cashier gives the burger to the customer, who immediately retorts…)

Customer: “Why didn’t you give it to me faster, you idiots?!”

(I’ve had enough of the customer’s sour attitude and speak up.)

Me: “For one, because that actually was MY order and I was kind enough to have it. For another, in case you didn’t notice, there is a large line of cars outside waiting and the poor guy in the kitchen is all alone. So stop being an a** and go eat your food which you needed so desperately!”

Customer: *storms out*

Cashier #1: “I’m really sorry that you have wait even longer because of him now.”

Me: “It’s alright. I don’t have anything to do anyway.”

(After another two minutes, Cashiers #1 and #2 pack my order and add an extra burger.)

Cashiers #1 & #2: “There you go. A little thank you from all of us!”

Deference To The Difference

, | Plano, TX, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(I am working drive thru.)

Customer: “I want orange chicken and fried rice.”

Me: “Okay, no problem. Would you like that as a one side/one entree bowl, or as a one side/two entree plate with double orange chicken?”

Customer: “What’s the difference?”

Me: “The bowl is $6.05 and the plate is $7.13.”

Customer: “No, not the price! What is the difference?”

Me: “Well, one has a single side and a single entree and it comes in a bowl, and the other has a single side and two entrees and it comes on a plate.”

Customer: “But, what’s the difference?”

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