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    Not Your Regular Zombie Apocalypse

    , | USA | April Fool's Day, Zombies

    (I am nearing the end of my shift. Unfortunately the zombie apocalypse started a few hours ago and so my coworkers and I are trying to add defenses to the doors and the windows. An obnoxious regular is trying to get in.)

    Regular: “I want my triple cheeseburger, d*** it!”

    Me: “Sir! Please get in your car and drive home! Your family will want to see you in this time of need!”

    Regular: “F*** my family! And f*** you! You lazy good-for-nothing are just using any excuse not to serve me!”

    Coworker: “Sir! Get away from the door! We need to lock it and defend ourselves!”

    (My coworker rolls his eyes at the situation and goes into the kitchen to make sure the doors are locked there. Just then, I notice the regular has a bite-mark on his arm.)

    Me: “Sir, you’ve been bit!”

    Regular: “D*** right! I hit that stupid low-life right back, though! You should–”

    (The regular stops talking, a look of abrupt calm on his face. Suddenly, I realize he is turning. I try to finish locking the doors but it is too late. The regular now has a bloodthirsty look in his eyes and is about to attack me, when suddenly…)

    Coworker: “Yaaaargh!”

    (My coworker rushes a knife from the kitchen. He savagely attacks the zombified regular, with multiple stabs to the brain to bring him down. After the ordeal he is standing there, breathing heavily, covered in blood, staring down at the corpse.)

    Me: “Well done getting the zombie.”

    Coworker: *looks up in confusion* “He was a zombie?”

    Practically Screaming Your Age

    , | Yorktown, VA, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Food & Drink

    (I work at a drive-in where you park you car and order food from a speaker, then we bring it to you. Sometimes customers let their kids make the order for them.)

    Me: “Welcome to [Restaurant]. What can I get for you?

    (The drive-in is very new, and our headsets have pristine hearing.)

    Mother: *whispering* “Tell them, ‘one chocolate milkshake.'”

    Child: *screaming* “ONE CHOCOLATE MILKSHAKE!”

    (I nearly fall over as I jerk the headset off my ears. I can still hear talking through them.)

    Mother: *whispering* “One vanilla milkshake.”

    Child: *screaming* “ONE VANILLA MILKSHAKE!”

    Mother: *whispering* “And two strawberry milkshakes.”

    Child: *screaming* TWO STRAWBERRY MILKSHAKES!”

    (I gingerly put the headphones back on.)

    Me: “Okay, that will be [price]. Will it be cash or card?”

    Child: *screaming* “I DON’T KNOW! I’M SIX!”

    Snacking On A Bad Attitude

    , | York, England, UK | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

    (I work in a busy branch of a fast food place. When customers order burgers, it’s store policy to ask if they would like it as part of a deal, which is cheaper than if the food in the meal was purchased separately.)

    Me: “Hello, sir, what can I get you?”

    Customer: *giving me a somewhat disdainful look* “I want a [Burger] with fries and a large [Soda].”

    Me: “Would you like that as part of a meal or are you buying them separately?”

    Customer: *visibly annoyed, and still glaring at me* “No, I’m having them as a snack.”

    (I laugh politely, thinking that he was trying to be funny.)

    Me: *smiling on the outside, dying on the inside* “Is that a large meal or are you buying them separately?”

    Customer: “I already told you, I’m having them as a snack.”

    (I look at my supervisor like a deer in headlights. She takes over.)

    Supervisor: “Sir, are you having your order as a meal or are you buying each item separately?”

    Customer: *growing quite rude and ill-tempered now* “I’ve already told him that I want them as a snack. Doesn’t he understand simple instructions?”

    (My supervisor is quite protective of her trainees. I know that the look in her eyes means she wants blood, but she remains calm and collected.)

    Supervisor: *trying to remain polite* “We don’t sell meals as “snacks,” sir. Are you buying it for yourself or—”

    Customer: *almost shouting* “Of course I am. Now get me my large [Burger] with fries and a [Soda]!”

    Supervisor: *faces me and tells me to get his food prepared* “I’m ringing that up as a meal deal, sir. That’ll be £5.45, please.”

    (Customer begrudgingly slams a £10 note on the counter and gives me a scathing glare as I hand him his food in a bag and he leaves the store in a huff. My supervisor realises something.)

    Supervisor: “Did he want his meal to-go?”

    Me: “No clue. But I did.”

    Drive Through Democracy

    , | TX, USA | Bad Behavior, Bizarre, Politics

    (A customer pulls up to my window, and he looks extremely similar to Bill Clinton.)

    Me: “Has anyone ever told you that you look like Bill Clinton?”

    Customer: “I did NOT have sexual relations with that woman!”

    (The customer then proceeded, in full Clinton style, to light up a joint at my drive-through window.)

    A Whopper Of A Mistake

    , | Frankfort, KY, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I work at a popular fast food chain which just so happens to be placed right next to a fairly popular burger place. Today I am working drive-thru for the first time when this happens.)

    Me: “All right, take your time and order when you’re ready.”

    Customer: “Okay, I’ll take a Whopper with no pickles.”

    Me: “Um, we don’t have that.”

    Customer: “That’s okay; I’ll just have a burger then.”

    Me: “We don’t sell those either.”

    Customer: “Then what do you have?”

    Me: “We sell roast beef.”

    (By this time the customer has realized something is amiss.)

    Customer: “Where am I?”

    Me: “You’re at [Store].”

    Customer: “Oh, my god, I’m in the wrong place.”

    (With that she takes off and I give her a friendly wave as she passes by. Needless to say everyone in the store is laughing as my manager comes to the front.)

    Manager: “What happened?”

    Me: “Customer was wanting [Burger Place] and came here by mistake.”

    Manager: “That happens a lot. My favorite is when they come inside and still try to order from the wrong menu.”

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