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    Chip Quip

    , | NM, USA | Food & Drink, Geography, Language & Words

    (I’ve recently moved to the USA from England, and have got myself a job in a fast food place. I keep saying chips instead of fries, which causes confusion.)

    Me: *to coworker* “Can I get two medium chips to go please?”

    Customer: “No, I wanted fries.”

    Me: “Oh yeah, my bad. I’m still not used to talking American.”

    Customer: “So where you from? Mexico?”

    (I have tanned skin, so this is a common question.)

    Me: “No mate, I’m British.”

    Customer: “Oh, I see. So you’re not used to speaking English?”

    Me: “What? Us Brits speak English too; we invented the language.”

    Customer: “Oh sweetie, don’t worry! You’ll learn real English in America.”

    Me: “Okay.” *I decide to throw in a British colloquialism* “Here’s your order. Have a pukka day!”

    Customer: “See, I knew you British didn’t speak English.”

    Dumb By Any Metric, Part 2

    , | Nanaimo, BC, Canada | Canada, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month, Tourists/Travel

    (We sell burgers in 1/4 lb and 1/2 lb size. It is part of our job to clarify which burger the customer is ordering. I overhear my coworker’s exchange at the next till.)

    Customer: “I’d like a burger please.”

    Coworker: “Certainly. Would you like the 1/4 lb or 1/2 lb?”

    Customer: “I’m not sure; whichever is bigger.”

    Coworker: “That would be the 1/2 lb.”

    Customer: “Sorry, I’m from the States, and I don’t understand your Canadian measurements!”

    Related:
    Dumb By Any Metric

    Putting The Day Into A High Note

    , | OR, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Musical Mayhem

    (I am working the drive-thru at a fast food restaurant, and we have been having a rough night. It has been non-stop busy, and several customers have been very rude. A car pulls up, and I greet them.)

    Me: “Hi! How can I help you?”

    Customer: *singing in mock-opera style* “Just a momeeeennnt!”

    (Laughter erupts from the backseat, as a coworker and I exchange a look, stifling laughter.)

    Me: “Just let me know when you’re ready!”

    Customer: *still singing* “Can I get twwooooo large chocolate shaaaakes!?”

    (My headset is off, because I am laughing loudly as I enter their order.)

    Customer: “And one laaarge strawberry shaaaake?”

    Me: “Okay, I will have your total at the second window!”

    (They get to the window, and it’s a woman and two young girls in the back, all of them with big grins, and giggling.)

    Me: “That was absolutely fantastic! My coworker and I couldn’t stop laughing!”

    Customer: “Did we make your night?”

    Me: “Oh, yes!”

    (After the customer leaves, we spend another 10 minutes just laughing until our sides hurt. Thank you so much for the laugh! It’s people like you who make it all worth it!)

    Customer Service Is Free, Manners Are Priceless

    , | Toronto, ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Awesome Workers, Food & Drink

    (I do coffee machine demos. I’m in sales, not service. I have just come from doing a 12-hour shift before Christmas in an electronics store, where customers were rude and unpleasant, never mind ungrateful for the free coffee. I decide to pick up a burger at a drive-thru on my way home.)

    Fast Food Worker: “Hi, welcome to [fast-food place]. Can I take your order?”

    Me: “Yes, please. May I have [order]? Thanks.”

    Fast Food Worker: “Sure. That’ll be [price].”

    Me: “Thank you very much.”

    (I pull up to the window, pay, and receive my order.)

    Me: “Thank you so much.”

    Fast Food Worker: “So, you do work in customer service?”

    Me: “Yeah, how can you tell?”

    Fast Food Worker: “Only someone dealing with rude people all day says please and thank you as much as you!”

    Math Skills Are In The Lower 25 Per Cent

    , | Seattle, WA, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Math & Science, Money, Top

    (While working at an ice cream store, there is a sale for buy one ice cream, get one for 25 cents. We are jam packed, and I am manning one of the registers.)

    Me: “Thank you for coming to [store], what can I get for you?”

    Customer: “I’d like five large ice creams, please.”

    Me: “Sounds great; your total comes to $14.”

    Customer: “I thought there was a sale for 25 cents?”

    Me: “Yes, it’s buy one, get one for 25 cents.”

    Customer: “So then why am I paying so much?”

    Me: “A regular large is $4.50, so three of those adds up to $13.50, plus two for 25 cents.”

    Customer: “The fifth one is supposed to be 25 cents.”

    Me: “You have to buy one first for it to be 25 cents. Would you like to buy one more blizzard?”

    Customer: “No, I don’t want six ice creams; the last one needs to be 25 cents!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I can’t give you the fifth one for 25 cents; you need to buy another ice cream first.”

    Customer: “GIVE ME THE ICE CREAM FOR 25 CENTS!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I can’t. Its buy one, get one for 25 cents.”

    Customer: “I refuse to speak with you; get me your manager now!”

    Me: “Ma’am, we’re very busy and—”

    Customer: “GET ME YOUR MANAGER!”

    Me: “Ma’am, please we are very busy—”

    Customer: “I refuse to speak with such an idiot.”

    Me: “Let me get her for you…”

    (I pull my manager away from making 15 ice creams. She is very much annoyed that I have to get her.)

    Manager: “What seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “This imbecile of an employee will not give me my 25 cent ice cream.”

    (The manager looks at my screen, and sees five ice creams.)

    Manager: “You ordered five ice creams, correct?”

    Customer: “Yes, and I want my 25 cent ice cream!”

    Manager: “It’s a buy one, get one for 25 cents. You have five ice creams. Simple math tells us that the fifth is at regular price. So either pay for your f***** ice cream, or the get the h*** out of my store.”

    Customer: “Well EXCUSE ME! I’ll take my ice creams, but I’m never coming back!”

    Manager: “Good, you weren’t going to be allowed back anyway!”

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