October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

Needs Some Light Soul Food

, | CA, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

(I am working the drive thru of the store very early in the morning.)

Me: “Welcome to [Fast Food Store], what could I get for you today?”

Customer: “Just a small coffee.”

Me: “How will you take your coffee today?”

Customer: “Black, just like my soul.”

Me: “… okay?”

A Trashy Pick Up Line

, | Canada | One-Liners, Rude & Risque

(I am in my teens, taking out the garbage. One of our regular customers, an elderly man who is a well-known jokester, comes up to me at the end of his meal. I’m switching out the trash bag.)

Elderly Man: “What are you doing?”

Me: “Taking out the trash.”

Elderly Man: “Well, I’m trash. Can you take me out?”

(I laugh into the garbage can.)

Me: “I’m afraid I can’t, but I’ll have to remember that one. It’s good!”

Paying It Fast Forward

, | Kirksville, MO, USA | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink

(I am in the drive through lane because I am delivering a forgotten hat to a roommate that works there. I rattle off my order and pull forward. I then notice that a truck, that for whatever reason has shut down in the other drive through lane, has turned on and I am unsure whether I have accidentally cut him off.)

Me: “Uhm, I am the one with the [order].”

(The cashier takes my credit card and pushes a couple buttons.)

Me: “And could I pay for the guy-behind-me’s order? I think I cut him off.”

Cashier: “Uh… hold on.”

(She goes to the back to confer with the manager, and then pops back.)

Cashier: “Yeah, one moment.”

(She runs my card twice. I receive both receipts, deliver the hat to my roommate, get my food and then drive off. Later that night, my roommate comes home.)

Roommate: “So, apparently you set off a chain reaction. The rest of the cars in the line started to pay for the next one. [Coworker] was so relieved when it stopped! It was so confusing!”

A Driving Thought

, | Palm Harbor, FL, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

Me: “Welcome to [Fast Food Chain]; can I take your order?”

Customer: “I’ll have [order].”

Me: “Okay, I have a [order]? Can I get you anything else?”

Customer: “Nope.”

Me: “Thanks. Your total will be [total].”

(The customer drives up to the window.)

Customer: *smugly* “You forgot to tell me to please drive through.*

Me: “Sir, if I need to tell someone to drive through, then I’m not sure I want to deal with them when they eventually find the window.”

Finished The Transaction At Break-Neck Speed

, | NY, USA | At The Checkout, Rude & Risque, Theme Of The Month

(I am fresh out of high school. I work at a popular fast food chain and my long-term partner lives about an hour away. I have just returned from a short vacation, during which I spent my time at her house. As we didn’t see each other often we had to make the most of our time together. A customer in his 50s, male, is at my counter.)

Customer: “You’ve been a naughty girl.”

Me: “… Excuse me?”

Customer: “You’ve been very naughty.” *points at me*

Me: “Uh… what?”

Customer: “The marks on your neck.”

Me: *instinctively pull up my collar, embarrassed*

Customer: “That’s all right. Seems like you’ve got a lucky boy on your hands.” *winks*

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