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    Link, Nyu, And Sephiroth Walk Into A Bar…

    , | Derby, England, UK | Food & Drink, Geeks Rule, Theme Of The Month, Top

    (There’s an anime convention near to where I work. A bunch of them come in while I’m on the front counter. All of them are in costume.)

    Me: “Great costumes, guys! You had a good day?”

    (Link from Legend Of Zelda is the first to speak up.)

    Link: “Yeah, it’s been amazing, thanks!”

    (I spot one of their friends, a disabled girl, dressed as one of my favorite characters. I call out to her.)

    Me: “Oh, wow! It’s Nyu! You look adorable! I think you win for best costume of the day!”

    Link: “Thanks for that; no one has guessed correctly all day and she’s been pretty upset about it! I think you pretty much just made her day!”

    Me: “My pleasure!”

    (I turn to the girl.)

    Me: “No one could guess your costume, sweetie? Guess they don’t watch the cool shows, huh?”

    (The girl smiles, and begins to answer, but she’s cut off by a random customer who’s come storming over towards us.)

    Customer: “Alright, that’s enough of that! I’M here now, so you can stop catering to that [disabled slur] and show me some respect!”

    Me: “Sir! Please, there’s no need to be so harsh to another customer! If you do not tone it down a little, I will have to ask you to leave!”

    Customer: “ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! Why the f*** should I tone it down?! SHE shouldn’t be here, and YOU should start showing me more respect, b****, or I’ll see what your manager has to say about this!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I was always taught that respect was earned, and that you must always respect others. Since you are unable to do this to me or this poor girl you have insulted, then I have no reason to show YOU any respect. Please leave.”

    Customer: “WHAT THE F—”

    (He cuts himself off as he suddenly finds himself surrounded by various different anime and game heroes, all complete with replica weapons.)

    Sephiroth: “I believe the lady asked you to leave, so scram.”

    (The guy all but runs out of the store. ‘Link’ pulls out an ocarina, and plays a medley of various video game songs for me as a thank you. It makes my night!)

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    Ironic That She Wants A RACE Car

    | Barrie, ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Bigotry, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Top

    (I work at a fast food establishment that gives out toys with their kids meals. This particular month, we have dolls, or toy cars. There are four dolls in the set; two are white, one is Asian, and one is black. On this day, we only have the black doll in stock.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, I’d like a different doll, please.”

    Me: “Sorry, those are the only dolls we have available right now.”

    Customer: “Are you sure? I can see one right there.”

    (The customer points to the toy display case.)

    Me: “Those are for display only, sorry.”

    Customer: “Open your f****** case, and get me another doll! I don’t want my daughter playing with some n***** doll!”

    Me: “I’m sorry; we really don’t have any other doll. If you like, hang on to it, and come back next week when we get our new toys. You can switch it then.”

    Customer: “Not good enough; I want a manager!”

    (I go into the back, and explain to a black staffer—who happens to be built like a tank—what is happening. I ask him to go up front and pretend to be the manager.)

    Coworker: “My employee explained the situation. What would you like me to do about it?”

    Customer: *turns red and looks completely terrified* “I’d like to switch this for a car, please?”

    Using Her Outside Voice

    , | USA | At The Checkout, Rude & Risque, Top

    (It is very early in the morning, and most of our customers are elderly folks coming in to drink coffee and socialize. A very sweet older customer comes to my register.)

    Me: “Good morning, ma’am! How are you today?”

    Customer: “My aren’t you chipper in the morning! I’m doing pretty good this morning dear; how are you today?”

    Me: “I’m just great; thank you for asking. How can I help you this morning, ma’am?”

    Customer: “Well I’m not too hungry just yet, so I think I will just have one small coffee for now.”

    (I ring her in, and tell her the total. She begins slowly taking coins out of her purse, so I turn to make her coffee. I can hear her mumbling to herself. I assume she is counting, until I return with her coffee only to catch the tail end of a string of obscenities.)

    Customer: “D*** f****** dime! Where the f****** h*** is a penny! Stupid little b******!”

    (I am dumbstruck as the sweet little lady continues to mumble to herself while counting out her change. Finally, she finishes counting and she notices the look on my face.)

    Customer: “Oh my, I wasn’t speaking out loud again, was I?”

    (I nod slowly.)

    Customer: “Oh, goodness! I’m sorry you had to hear that! I wasn’t saying anything bad about you; you’re such a sweet girl. It’s just I’m so d*** old and I can’t f****** see. It’s just so frustrating! Well, have a great morning dear!”

    A Cent-less Attack

    , | WA, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month, Wild & Unruly

    (I’m taking money at the first window. A car pulls up with a middle-aged customer driving, and what looks to be her older mother in the passenger seat.)

    Me: “Hi, your total is—.”

    Mother: “Where do we get my food?! I’m hungry! This line is taking too long!”

    Daughter: “You have to pay first, mom.”

    Mother: “I’m getting it!”

    (She scrounges around for money in her purse. She hands me what’s supposed to be exact change. I count it three times, and she’s a penny short.)

    Me: “Ma’am, do you have a penny?”

    Mother: “Are you serious? I’m not giving you no d*** penny! Where’s my food?!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I need that penny, or my till will come out short.”

    Mother: “And I said you ain’t getting no d*** penny!”

    (She starts shouting at her daughter.)

    Mother: “Drive to the next window!”

    (The daughter looks horrified about her mother’s behavior, and doesn’t move.)

    Mother: “Fine! I’ll get it myself!”

    (The mother gets out of the car, and starts walking toward the next window.)

    Me: “Ma’am, can you please get back in your car?”

    Mother: “F*** you!”

    (The daughter is horrified, apologizes to me, and drives forward. A minute later, I see the mother walk back to my open window as I’m paying out another customer. She throws a penny at me, which hits me in the knuckle and bruises it.)

    Mother: “There’s your d*** penny!”

    Give The Workers A (Prison) Break

    , | UK | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month, Wild & Unruly

    (I’m on my way home after a hockey social, dressed as a prisoner in a bright orange jumpsuit and trick handcuffs. I’m pretty hungry, so I stop for food. Inside there is a drunk man yelling at the cashiers.)

    Drunk: “I said [competitor's signature item]! This is WRONG!”

    Cashier: “I told you, you’re at [place], not [competitor]!”

    Drunk: “I know where I am!”

    Me: “Oh, do you?”

    (He turns to me, and does a double take at my outfit.)

    Me: “Because I think you’re in a whole world of trouble.”

    (I start advancing, cackling Joker-style.)

    Drunk: “What ya gonna do, crazy b****?”

    (In answer, I stretch out, making it look like I’ve just torn apart my handcuffs.)

    Drunk: “Holy s***!”

    (I keep approaching, cackling.)

    Drunk: “Psycho b****!”

    (He throws his food at me and runs. I reach the counter, and drop the act.)

    Me: “Can I get a portion of nuggets, please?”

    (The cashier just stares at me for a moment.)

    Cashier: “Y’know, I think he was right on the crazy part. Nuggets coming right up.”

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