July Theme Of The Month: Great Timing!

A Good Sign

, | San Jose, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers

(I pull into a drive-thru for a quick lunch. The cashier greets me and asks for my order, and just as I’m about to give it to her, I notice they have a ‘sorry, cash only’ sign taped up next to the speaker.)

Me: “Yes, I’d like a— Oh, hold on, I just noticed your sign. Let me make sure I actually have cash on me before I order.” *checks wallet*

Cashier: “No, sorry, our card reader’s down— Wait, what? You READ the sign? I’m not sure that’s actually ever happened before!”

Combo Number Four(skin)

, | Des Moines, IA, USA | Food & Drink, Funny Names, Health & Body, Rude & Risque

(I’m working the drive-thru at about nine pm. A car comes up and a teenager gives his order of a burger.)

Me: “And what size do you want for that?”

Customer: “Uh… circumcise me!”

Me: “You mean supersize?”

Customer: “Yeah! Circumcise me.”

(He drives to the first window, paying. I stick an extra plastic knife in his bag. When he drives to my window, I hand him his food.)

Me: “Sir, I included one of our plastic knives. Unfortunately, we can’t perform your request here.”

Customer: “What?”

(The girl in the passenger seat, presumably his girlfriend, leans over and whispers in his ear.)

Customer: *eyes widen and looks at me horrified*

Me: “You did ask.”

Customer: *steps on the gas and speeds out of the drive-thru*

Needs A Break(fast)

, | MI, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

Customer: “Do you have toast?”

Me: “No, ma’am. We—”

Customer: *points to greeter* “But SHE said I could have breakfast, so I want breakfast.”

Me: “Even though it’s lunch time, we serve pancakes, bacon, and oatmeal all day. Would you like—”

Customer: “You must be NEW because you don’t know ANYTHING!”

Manager: “We also have some breakfast burritos left if you’d like those.”

Customer: “Ring me up for PANCAKES, then. Pan… CAKES. She said breakfast. I want breakfast!”

Me: “Would you like syrup—”

Customer: “YOU DON’T KNOW ANYTHING! PANCAKES. I WANT PANCAKES.”

(Luckily, her pancakes come up pretty quickly, and she yanks the tray out of my manager’s hands.)

Customer: “SEE? Now you KNOW SOMETHING.”

Me: *to manager* “I am now aware that we have pancakes. I now have edumacation. I are smart.”

Manager: “You can leave early if you want…”

Not The Cream Of The Crop, Part 2

, | USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(One very early morning, I have just made a customer a hot mocha.)

Customer: “Um, I think there’s something wrong with my drink. It’s really cold. It’s not even lukewarm!”

Me: “I’m so sorry! Maybe I hit the iced button by accident. Let me remake that for you.”

(I proceed to remake the drink, being extra careful to make it perfectly.)

Me: “All done! Again, sorry about that.”

(The customer takes a tiny sip and slams the cup back on the counter.)

Customer: “It’s still cold!”

Me: “Sir… that was the whipped cream. Your coffee is underneath it.”

Related:
Not The Cream Of The Crop

Pot Calling The Kettle Black, Slowly

| CA, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

(I’m working the drive-thru. I’ve just finished taking an order that took about a minute and a half to get down as the customer was unsure of what they wanted and ordered some items requiring clarifications. I talk to the next car in the line.)

Me: “Hi, welcome to—”

Customer: “I’d just like to say that I waited too d*** long. It’s awful how long I’ve had to wait and I sat there waiting so long and all I want are two ice cream cones!”

Me: “I’m sorry about that. Your total is [total] at the first window. Please—”

(The customer drives forward as I’m still talking and ultimately ignores me.)

Me: *at the window* “Hi, that’ll be [total].”

Customer: “I didn’t mean to sound rude, but that wait was far too long!”

Me: “And again, I’m sorry about that, but the wait is also a matter of the customer ahead of you.”

Customer: “That was still too long! Do you know how much gas I probably wasted just sitting there, waiting? Any other business would be ashamed of making me wait that long!”

(There is a pause as the customer then digs through her purse for her wallet. After maybe a minute, during which other customers have lined up behind her, waiting to pay:)

Customer: “What was my total?”

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